Cosmic Orgasms with Lara from Pussy Church

(upbeat music)

Welcome to Synchronicity, how's your pandemic going? It feels like, you know, we talk a little bit about in this episode, oh my God, I have a guest this week. I didn't even say my guest this week. I got, I forgot that I have guests sometimes. My guest this week is Lara from Pussy Church. She's been on before, you know her, you love her, she's super cool. We talk about sex, of course. Other things, changes that you may be going through during this pandemic. Super appropriate stuff, guess what? I'm not gonna talk more than this. I'm doing really quick intros when guests are on that. You wanna hear the long stuff?

You know, do sign up on Patreon. It's pretty fucking easy, go do that. Lots of new tiers there. We have them ranging from $3 to $22, is that it? Lots of stuff, music, live events. We're gonna be doing a live stream for everyone later this month, stay tuned on Twitter and Instagram for that, and the regular shit, live readings, Q&As, all that stuff goes on. If you want the solo cast more often, that's the best place to go. Also, I just pop in sometimes. Plus, we have the online smoke sessions now, which we'll probably do the first one in May sometimes. Plus, I got a whole bunch of weed thanks to you guys.

So that's fun, thank you. And that's it, we're gonna get right to this episode. If you wanna connect with Lara, go subscribe to our podcast Pussy Church. Tales of Lara is her Instagram. She's awesome, really cool. This episode is mainly about using your spirituality to access, sorry, backwards, using sexuality and sexual energy to access realms of spirituality. And she's just, Lara is really interested in sex, not just in having it, although definitely in having it, but definitely, how many times can I say the word? Definitely, how many times, Noah? How many times do you say it? But she's interested in actually using it as a vessel, as a tool to kind of experience levels of consciousness.

And we do that through connections with other people. Even though you are everything, and everyone as you pushed out, what an elegant way to connect with yourself, but through other people. And they exist in duality. They don't have to be weird about it. So this is a great episode, you're gonna love it. Are we gonna do a sponsor? Is it May? No, it's not May yet. We'll do May next month. May next month, I'm all over the fucking place. How's your brain going? Mine's good, I'm loving it. Any physical things, we talk about that too, psychosomatic stuff. Any physical things we've been going on with you guys?

Little weird things here and there. Yeah, cha, cha. Yeah, well, anyway, that's it for this intro. Yeah, I know. Without further ado, here is Martha. (upbeat music) All right, we'll just line it up whenever. Cool. Do whatever you wanna do. I think I did the clap once and it helped just kind of, but you can tell by our conversation, it's not gonna be hard, hard. Well, I barely even start these. I don't even say like, you know, well, you know, you've been on, you know, I don't really. I've been on you. It's true. I just say welcome. Say welcome, Lara. Welcome, Noah. How are you? It's like good to see you.

It's good to see you too. Distance is no object now. Object is-- I guess no. Obstacle is the word I was looking for. I was like, I know it was wrong when I said it. (laughing) How's the pandemic? I know we caught up the other day during a little reading chat, but how's the inform everyone else? The last time we spoke was what, November, December? I think, well, the last time we saw each other was in January, I think, but spoke, I think, probably in December? Yeah. A lot has changed since then. What's been going on? Oh, my God, man. We're in quarantine. I'm actually in Europe at the moment, which is, that's a big change.

Last time we saw each other in Los Angeles. Yeah, it's been really intense. Like, funny enough, not necessarily in like the, you know, I'm pretty like, I don't know, grateful that financially I'm not ruined or anything like that. So that's all pretty safe and I have an apartment. (laughing) And stuff like that. But it's been a really intense, like, internal journey, I think, in the past, yeah, in the past couple of months or a month, really. It hasn't been that long, I guess, really, right? The six weeks? The lockdown and everything? Yeah. No, it's been longer than that. It's been since-- No, it's been six weeks.

I left LA six weeks ago. Yeah, but marches when stuff started getting weird. At least in New York. It's true. In New York, I guess it-- Yeah, I was getting weird, yeah. Yeah, it shit started getting weird. Like, they haven't made us wear masks here for more than a few weeks. Mandatory, but, like, yeah, stuff. Like, I went into the-- When was the last time you were in New York? I was in New York in December. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I went in there late February. No, not even late February. Early March, and you could tell. Like, it was-- It was already odd. It was, like, people, like, kind of, a lot of people.

I went to Brooklyn, so, like, I drove through Manhattan in Queens, but I didn't-- Brooklyn was already, like, weird. You could tell people were kind of trying to get out of there. The people were there were, like, agitated. It was, like, gloomy. It was weird. So, I don't know. I mean, time also, let's be honest. Since this thing started, time has become-- Who knows? I know. It's so weird, right? I feel like it's been forever, and it's been two seconds, and some kind of a sense of what I'm saying this. I'm like, I don't have no concept anymore. And not because I'm not working. It's more just, like, the day's going to blend, and you don't know what's going to happen.

I don't know. I've never just experienced anything like this in our lives. No, it's unprecedented. And even for people who'll be like, well, there's been pandemics before. There's never been pandemics, at least in recorded history, with the ability to, you know, immediately be in this world in contact and aware of everything else that's going on. So the way information spreads, also kind of virus, like, is really, really interesting. Yeah, it's viral, right? You can even use the word, it's pretty nuts. It's pretty crazy how, like, we don't really have any previous experience for this. I mean, the closest I can think of is psychedelics.

Like, that's what I keep referring back to. It's kind of like when you take a psychedelic time starts to work differently in both directions. Totally. And, you know, I also like that kind of certain days don't feel like days anymore. It's like, it'll be a Tuesday, but it definitely feels like a Saturday, and it'll be like, what the fuck is this? Like, what is this? You just give connotations to different days, too, right? They feel differently, right? It's super interesting. So, yeah, I've been enjoying it. I got to say that, like, I've-- Really? Yeah, I've-- I'm kind of ready for it to be over, just because, like, I want to go to restaurants.

Yeah, I hear you. You know, and I don't-- people know at this point, because this is my show, that, like, I don't mean that in a callous sense, like, oh, yeah, like, there's not people dying and severely being impacted by this. But just, like, also realistically, you know, summer's about to roll around for a lot of people. And I don't know how many people are going to be able to stay outside, or stay inside, like-- You know, I mean, they're not going to. I mean, I think no matter what you think is going to happen, or no matter what actually will happen, right? In Europe right now, the numbers are going down drastically, and then people are going to go outside in the next couple of weeks.

It's just going to happen. And then, if there is a second wave, there's a second wave, right? But, like, it'll happen. No matter if we think this is a good idea or not at all, it's going to happen. You see, that, I 100% agree, that logic in this country, at least what's pumped out through media and social media, is considered insane. They're like, that's not-- And I'm just like, you guys aren't being realistic. You coop yourself up. For two months straight, the sun's super shiny, the birds are saying, and the animals are out, the-- you're not going to go outside, or you fucking lunatic, like, it's interesting that there seems to be this such averse reaction to death as kind of a natural thing.

And the virus can be looked at, and viral things can be looked at in a lot of different ways. They could be instigators for changing certain practices, like environmentally destructive things, factory farming, things that are really people can just look at and be like, that's not right. So it could be a good thing in that sense. But to fight something that is clearly inevitable on some level, it's not you can't mitigate the suffering and the deaths, but it's like this anti-death cult that I see emerging. It's really interesting to me. Well, it's fascinating, because I think also that there are so many different kinds of deaths, right?

I mean, I think what really is so little considered-- and I think a lot of people have talked about it to a certain degree-- but it's that we, as a species, I guess, are social. And that the worst thing you can get-- the worst punishment you can get is isolation, right? In prison. And so I do think that makes a lot of sense. I mean, clearly, we're not in prison. But when I first got into quarantine in the first couple of weeks, I was like, wow, prison and isolation. That is another level. Like, how do you do that, actually, if we're already suffering just by not being able to touch a lot of people or to be with a lot of people, it's not natural for us to be inside.

And I think it'll make us also very depressed and therefore lowers the immunity. Yeah, no, I think that's also a really good point that I've been kind of trying to figure out the best way to say, because it can also sound callous, if not looked at, which is the better you feel, the better your body is going to function. The better you're going to be able to process emotional things, psychological things, physical things. And I think if you're constantly afraid or terrified that you or someone else is going to die and be taken from you and it's going to be horrible, you're actually-- not that you're summoning it into your reality, but you're at least not focusing on all the other things you could be focusing on, which is definitely does not seem to be the lesson people are supposed to learn, which brings me back to what you were saying, because I've also been going through a ton of personal stuff.

We'll talk about all that. But you said, in the past month, you've definitely been going through some personal things. Insane, yeah. What have you been learning from these experiences? You know, it's kind of funny. I mean, I think that not the full-on real story, but I think just a catalyst of it all, is that-- or I guess the surface story that I've always helped us integrate, is that I'm not quarantined with my partner or with a partner. And so I think it was for me, like, I have a lot of sex normally, and I have a life that is very physical, I guess, in that sense. And it just kind of forced me to really look at what I want and what I need.

I don't know. And it just brought up all the shit I was actually thinking about this after we talked. For years, I've worked on different things within myself, you know, through therapy, and psychedelics, and shamans, and different things. And it all seems to-- you know, when something switches within you, it's not because, I think, most of the time, because it just happened, it's because you kind of build it, like, you building up to it, it's not going to have a sense. And so it kind of happened. Right? It's so weird, it kind of happened on our phone call. It was just like, holy shit, I think I just flipped a switch.

Yeah, that's what it is. I just did it after so fucking long of bargaining with myself, you know? That's a huge thing that I think, you know, and there's constant flipping of switches, obviously, as you know. Like, that's, I think, some people, like, will get fallen to the trap. Myself included it at various times, where, like, you think you flip it forever, and, like, all the lessons have been learned. And, like, you really do level up substantially. And these same issues that used to consume you no longer do. That's not what I'm saying, but there's always new switches. But, yeah, it is that simple.

It's literally that simple. It does coalesce. It can feel cumulative. But at any point, like, up the ladder, I feel like you can be at the top with these things. And it's just liberating is the only word that I know. And, you know, I think one of the most liberating things is, like, when you really, really get that, like, this shit that feels so heavy, and just, like, consuming and difficult, like, that's such a great opportunity. Like, instead of it being, like, this thing that's fucking you up, that you have to bargain with, that you have to, like, negotiate with, to be good, or whatever it is, it's just, like, oh, this is trying to show me something.

Let me just figure that out. Really, the speed I want to, so I can either turn that corner, or realize that I've turned it. So, that's a nice thing to hear from you.

Yeah, it was kind of crazy. I mean, it's so, I mean, like, you said, too, and we talked about this before, and I think, really, when you're in the midst of it, it doesn't, you kind of don't know where you add on the mountain. You know, whatever, if you want to see it that way. In some kind of sense, sometimes you're like, okay, well, I'm fine, whatever. And then it just, like, throws you right back in, and I think these things right now, it's like accelerating things, right? We're stuck, I mean, stuck, but to circle you, great. I mean, I'm not even in my fucking home, you know? I'm like, on the other side of the world, which seems even more absurd and more like a dream.

It's like a dream-like scenario. I'm like, I'm in a different apartment, different people are around me, right, than I would normally wake up. But I, yeah, I just had this, like, very much, I had a very difficult week as you know, last week. And a lot of, like, my ongoing patterns and issues just came out, and I was like, holy shit, this is crazy. I've worked so much about on this, and like, why is it happening again? And it was such a release when I could just drop it. And then, and then I went crazy, and I was like riding my bike, and I'm like screaming and enjoying. It's your own personal bicycle day, Albert Hoffman's bicycle day.

I mean, it's, that's basically, I would say I get that experience regularly now. That's the fun thing, because if you do, it does feel like you just wanna release shit. Like, it's just like, ugh, and you, you don't even realize you're carrying around a lot of this stuff until you take it off, or you just stop engaging with it in a certain way. You know, what makes it as you realize last week, and probably looking back even more throughout your life, like, this stuff really has a way of sticking if you don't catch it. If you don't bring the awareness to it, it's just like, it sticks to you, and it's--

It'll come again and again, right? It's like haunting you.

That's what people call karma, too. I think it really is, it's like nothing more than having a looping pattern that you didn't like break the cycle of, and like, it sounds so intimidating, so when you call karma, it's like ugh, you could've done it like from 5,000, like, no, it's just this energy that if you catch it, you can actually flip it into working through your shit. Also, when I guess, I mean, we should be clear about, when we say working through stuff, until you really do transcend it, it's not particularly comfortable all the time.

It's not at all, people. It's horrible.

Yeah, I definitely found this out.

It's lit.

It's, yeah, yeah, it's nuts, it's nuts.

It's, I mean, I think it is what, I thought it was really interesting, though, because in the past, I don't know, maybe four months, a lot of things have changed in my life, I mean, apart from the quarantine, apart from this, but, you know, the situation, but I saw something, I'm not a particular anxious person normally, but we were talking about my anxiety, right, that since in October, I started having anxiety, and I felt like the anxiety, even with this, like last week, when it was so strong within me, it's like nearly trying to tell me something.

Yes.

It's literally trying to tell me something, and it's like what you're doing is not sustainable, and so I'm gonna bother you.

Yeah.

So much that you can't fucking focus on anything else anymore until you resolve this shit, because we can't do this anymore.

Yeah.

That is kind of what it's like, and I think that can sound like, you know, people would be like, "Yeah, well, that's what anxiety does," and it never resolves, but it does, when you actually just kind of delve into it, because it shows you, like, clearly, like, what you just described is kind of how I operate with a lot of things, is I just don't tolerate anxiety, it becomes intolerable for me at a certain point, and so I'm like, I gotta figure this shit out, and if I don't have to, like, consciously figure it out, but I'm just like, this is, I'm ready to learn whatever lesson I need to learn from this, no matter what it is, painful, blah, blah, blah, like, I need it.

That said, you definitely wanna make sure that you don't only use that as a tool, because some people really do fall into the pattern of using anxious styles. I say that it's not for us so much, 'cause I know that we don't tolerate it, but some people really will use this as a pattern to kind of constantly find the next thing to solve, and a lot of times, as you know, with this shit, I'm sure this is a big part of the release, is just like, oh, like, I don't have to deal with this anymore. Like, it's not this thing that needs to be figured out and solved and complex, it's just like, oh, I think I'm kind of done.

It's so funny, you know, too, I mean, I don't wanna say this in some kind of a sense, when you have anxiety, it's one thing, you just solve it, you know what I mean? I don't, but I mean, I have, in general, a body that's very psychosomatic, right?

Yes. - Yes.

So if anything is off, I get something.

Same. - It doesn't matter. It is ridiculous shit, right? I get a rash all over my body, I'm like, what? Are you trying to tell me it's annoying? (laughs)

This is, this is really interesting, 'cause this is something, this has been the theme of me and my partners and just a lot of people I've know over the past two, three weeks, lot of, like, I'm insane. Like, I refer to myself as like an insane person, 'cause like, my shoulder will act up, and then like, I'll feel fine, I won't notice it, and nothing was wrong, and I'll be like, oh my God, I actually saw that there's nothing physically wrong with it, and now it still hurts again. Like, you know, it's like, yeah, it's a crazy thing, but it's a tool. How, when did you notice that in yourself, though, that your body was giving you signals for shit that was going on with your mind?

That's, that's interesting.

So, how, when was it the first time? It really was very clear. Now, I can see way back, but I think like early mid 20s. That's good, that's good.

Yeah, it was very strong. Like, it's, I mean, I'm not very sick, you know what I mean? These things also would resolve themselves as I resolve things in my life.

Give me an example. Give me an example of like one where it was like, holy shit, this thing was totally related to this emotion or something like that.

There's one, a pretty bad one when I was living in New York, and I was in kind of a working situation that I didn't like very much. Like, I had to go to Jersey every morning, and I really felt not happy in what I was doing. And I think at that point, maybe even in my relationship, there was some issues. It was just, everything was really rough for me. And I woke up, I was supposed to go to work and I had to go up, get up at 4 a.m. And I woke up and I looked at my face and my whole face was swollen up and my whole body full of rashes.

Holy shit.

Out of this, I've never had an allergic reaction for my life, I mean, I assumed that's what I was at that point, I was like, holy shit, I mean, it's terrifying, right? 'Cause he was like, okay, I don't know what the fuck's going on with my body. And I was working in front of the camera so I couldn't go to work, right? So that day, this is so crazy, I didn't go to work, I had to cancel like last minute. I lost that job, right?

Right.

I think they like maybe hired me one more time. I was modeling, I was modeling back then, right? And I got one more time and then it went away in a couple of days after I lost that job, it went away. And then I did all these tests, nothing ever came out and never came back.

You know, like this thing is is that when, and so after that, did you start to just like realize like there must be some signal that I'm sending myself, that I'm not aware of, like. It's quite a lot of things, I also have a pretty sensitive stomach, for example. So when I'm in a really good place in my life and I feel happy and grounded, my digestion and everything is really great.

You're good, you're good to go.

If I'm stressed out, I feel it like in an instant, right?

Yeah.

Or when I, I was in a relationship a couple years ago and it went really badly, like it just was, it was so horrible and we're in a really horrible place together and I broke my back.

And then I'm like lying on the ground, you know, for a couple of weeks, could barely move and I'm like--

How did you do it?

I just lifted up my dog and like, you know, my--

Totally, totally.

Yeah, completely nothing crazy.

That's how I learned, four years, oh no God, so much longer now, Jesus Christ. Five years ago, six years ago, when I left New York City, I fucking my neck and my back seized up and I was on my back for a month and I went to a doctor and they're like, yeah, you have a ruptured, whatever they call it, the regular shit they tell you.

Yeah, ruptured desk.

Yeah, and then three people told me to read this book by this clinician, Dr. Sarno and he was like, listen, this shit is not a real thing, it's like if you believe it's a real thing and he was a clinician, he wasn't like some woo-woo fucking dude, he was a doctor who saw people and it's like, hmm.

We know the woo-woo's.

Yeah, it was like totally and I fucking read this book and there was a chapter in it and he's like, tells you to write everything down to get the problems out that might be below the surface and there's a part of the book where it's like some people, the pain may move around when you start to bring awareness to it and I'm reading the fucking book and the pain that's literally been like seizing me for like weeks and weeks and almost like months, moves around my body, I'm like, oh, I'm a fucking nut job. I'm like, holy shit. But it actually did show me like, and since then, like I really do think like almost everything physical is something like that and it's not a judgment on anyone who has physical illnesses or even, you know, psychological ones at all.

It's just, if you can connect those thoughts.

Electronic things are different, I think, probably.

I don't think, see, this is what I'm saying. Like I know people who have had cancer multiple times who appeal themselves through originally Western medicine, like with surgery and then they did it another way and they're like, I wish I would have done it this other way and I'm not saying that's for everyone and I don't think like faith healing and diet can do everything for everyone but I do think it's related to your beliefs and I think if you can uncover what those are and recognize you can actually like change those and modulate them, like you made that connection between your like emotions and psychology and what was going on.

I mean, yeah, I mean, but my body is so extremely reactive. You know, I think for other people it could also, they can just push it down longer, right? They have a better constitution and someone can have a sense like not a very sensitive body so they won't feel it as badly right away, right?

Yeah, you're tuned in, yeah.

Yeah, it's just like my body is just, I mean, it's also very frustrating, right? Because I think it happens a lot with burnouts and stuff but I get sick, every time I get sick, it's because I don't stop working even though I'm exhausted.

Yeah, I was just saying this to someone. I was just saying this. I was just saying. - And then you get sick.

Yeah, because it's like your body, your mind is first telling you like take a pause, take a pause and you're like, no, I'm good. I can do this. I have a ton of energy that I'm working out. I'm doing all the shit I regularly do and then your body's like, oh yeah, well, how about this? Then it slows you down physically and then you're like, ah, I know.

Way longer too than just taking a fucking break and now that's what I had to learn.

That's what this feels like on a macro level, the pandemic, it feels like take a break and I think people are fighting that too much, too much. It doesn't mean do nothing. It doesn't mean be completely unproductive but it means like if you're really trying to push super hard on shit right now, I bet it's not easy.

You know what is so funny because in the beginning, I talked about this quite a bit with friends of mine that are also writers and creatives, right? And in the first couple of weeks, I could barely do anything. You know how in the beginning, everybody was like, you know, Shakespeare, Road King. - Yeah, exactly.

Or in the quarantine, I'm like, well, fuck, fuck that. I'm not Shakespeare, like clearly, not, I'm not writing King later. And I think it was just like giving yourself the permission that you do not have to write the next best-selling novel, right? You don't have to do X, Y, and Z. And then to just feel, actually, it's been six weeks, right? And I started working on a book in December. I started working on a book. - Oh, nice.

And I worked on it and then I was like, oh, the pandemic, maybe now is the time. I have so much time, you know, I'll do it. And today, after six weeks, which also coincidentally is like a day after, or two days after my kind of breakthrough.

Breakthrough, yeah.

It's like the first day where I sat down and wrote again.

Yeah, well, because we're turning the corner, the weather also is changing for most people on the Northern Hemisphere.

It's true.

It's definitely like, stuff is lining up in a very psychedelic way. That's what I keep trying to like, I think people recognize it who have had experience like in that in between, it's like a Bardo state. It really is like an in between. And if you can kind of like recognize, you get a breakthrough, you feel ready to write again. You know, is the same way that like, you know, I start acknowledging the patterns that were and weren't working for me in relationships in my life for myself. And then directly related to my realization to that, my life completely started changing. Yes, based on decisions I was making, but also just circumstances like literally started to conspire.

And that's an important lesson that I think people are really giving like a pretty good opportunity right now. Even people who aren't sick, even people who aren't gonna know someone who gets sick. Like you're really getting an opportunity here to like completely latch on to like, what you actually would wanna do. And like you mentioned this at the beginning, you know, I also, I got one of these forgivable loans, like from the government.

Oh yeah, I kinda wanted to ask you how the fuck you did that.

Well, you know how I did, just imagined it. Is the real truth. Like I wish.

I know, I know. I was like, should I try and imagine this shit?

But what I actually did is I just used my tax employment identification number, the EIN to say that I was my only employee, which I am, I have a business.

Me too. And I'm also my own.

I just said, here's how much money I've been paying myself over the past three months. I showed them exactly what they wanted. I went through a regional bank. This is the most important aspect. If you wanna like, I'll give you the imagination terms, but the inspired idea in which it came through was, I decided to use a regional bank instead of a national bank. And like the main thing to remember that like convinced me this was possible was that the whole point of this shit is they're throwing money at people because they need money to be injected into the economy because no one's making money or most--

They need you to buy shit.

And they need the shit to move like it always does 'cause it's a fucking machine. So it's like, I was like, oh, they'll give me the money. But I went through a regional bank and they called me like a week later, like, hey, we need all this information. I'm like, here you go. And then they just deposited the money in my account. I'm like, holy shit. Everyone can do it.

I was thinking about this. I think I'm gonna call my local bank in LA.

Do it.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to do that. It's funny. Yeah, I mean, I think everything's possible, I guess, in some kind of sense, it's an interesting time for nothing is, well, I guess what I wanted to say is like nothing was really gonna look fully the way you think it's gonna look, right? In some kind of a sense. And we did talk about this before too, that I felt like when you're having a harder time or when I had a harder time, it did feel like I'm stuck in a psychedelic trip that I don't like.

Yeah, like a bad trip, yeah.

Yeah, I'm like stuck in it and I was fighting it. And so I wouldn't go back, like, get better. And I was like, okay, well, the only thing you're supposed to do when you're tripping and it's not that great is to just be, like, submit to it, right?

Surrender is the key word.

Yeah, surrender.

Yeah, yeah, get better.

It's tough when you're in it though, because A, at least when you take a psychedelic, hopefully, if you're like, oh, I took drugs. Like, you know, I feel like it's 'cause of drugs, but when it just pops up in our life and we don't call it psychedelic, we're like, oh, no, no, this is somehow different than that. And it's like, no, it's not. It's the same thing. You just, maybe you don't see shit if you're that person who sees stuff and it's like, it's the same thing. It was just showing you a more accurate picture. And I think we gradually move towards those psychedelic states and like, yeah, we're in the thrust of one.

Someone described it to me like, there was some theory that like, we're actually being sucked into a black hole, like, probability-wise, like, earth and everything. So like, as we do this, we time and space collapse and are in each other and so this would be, you know, kind of the beginning of us space-time doing that, rather than, 'cause like, I mean, I've said this many times, I don't know how seriously people take me, but like, I don't, I know time isn't real. Like, I know it doesn't exist. Like, I've seen enough evidence that, yes, my perception is that I have children, they age, obviously, but like, it doesn't exist.

So if we were actually moving into whether it's a black hole or just, you know, some conception of what that would be, shit would start to work differently. We'd start to see more synchronicities, more things that, based on our imaginations, would be out pictured into our world, which again, would put the importance on like, stabilizing these states of consciousness. Like, the ones that you actually choose, rather than one that feels like it's being imposed on you, which is always just a misapprehension. Like, it's you doing that somehow, could be through someone else, could be through a physical thing like that.

That definitely seems to be like, what's going on? I mean, it is pretty, it's pretty loony to think that, or not even loony, it's just fascinating to think that if you, like you said earlier, if this is like, in a macro level, like a macro anxiety attack, or a psychedelic trip, right, that we're all like a dream, like in Buddhism or whatever, everything is kind of like an illusion anyways, but like, that we're all collectively going through, right? It's kind of fascinating what actually, is there a collective lesson to learn?

Yeah, and I mean, the only way, this is the only thing I can say about the logical conclusion to this would be that if an individual, if one is able to stabilize their consciousness, that would necessarily have an impact on the broader collective, if you're looking at the world of duality, which you said, you know, it's essentially an illusion, but if you're looking at it through that lens, that's the name of the game. It's not to somehow go out there and change things around, because that's a ridiculous, there's what is, it's like Ashanti gave a quote, this, you know, the yogi who I think taught the Tibetans stuff, he was a Vedic yogi.

He was like, it's easier to just wear shoes, then try to like cover the entire world in leather. Like it doesn't, you know what I mean? Like just put on your own shit, you don't have to go and fucking cover everything out, make it perfect everywhere you go. It's just like, put on the fucking neat things you need. That also just tends to cascade up or down, depending on how you look at it, to shit around you, you know, if you're good, wherever you go is good. So at least that little locality of where you are, and if you expand your awareness, that's how it seems to work. And that's the function of all these anxiety, sickness is, whatever you want to look at, fears, doubts, worries, depressions, like that's the function of them, which is really the trick.

And you do that without like totally inviting them to you all the time, you know? That's the key there, like some people get addicted to just like the juice of like that, you know?

But that's like, I mean, that might be more of it, which I've had before in a different scenario, but like if some kind of an emotional masochism, right?

Yeah.

That's a little bit different, that's a bit of a different scenario, because if you then just get off nearly on the back, you know, that's shit's hard. You'll obviously create more of it in order to like get that fixed, you know? And that's not to say that you're really consciously doing that, but like we said earlier, you might playing a story that you always play in your mind and you just recreate that shit over and over and over again. And I've done that, like I've done that, I've done that in my relationships with certain degree, right? And then you have realizations where you're like, oh my goodness, this doesn't work that way.

I mean, I had a big, I mean, I think about sexuality all the time, right, this is the space I work in and what it means to me right now, because it was very difficult for me emotionally right now. And then I was like, well, how does that play into me, you know, and what's actually mine and what somebody else is? Yes. So it's a big thing. But also, I think the deeper you get, which within a sexual space, nearly, or connection, the more vulnerable you become, clearly, right? Which is the foundation, I think, to really transcend in sex is like how vulnerable you can be with the other person. But I had made up like a little bit of a duality.

Like it, on the one hand, I was like, it could be so vulnerable in bed and so open. And then I would get out, come out of it. Like, and now I'm protecting myself again, right? And I'm like, well, bye. I mean, not really, literally, but a little bit like, you know, you can have me, you can have me in bed as like, and I can like go. And I'm nearly, it's nearly a substitution for the vulnerability I can show in my real life, maybe, or where it's harder for me, depending on the partner, clearly, right, in the situation.

But these things are fascinating because they, you learn aspects of your whole self, right, on how they're all interconnected. You can't make them like in different boxes.

They never would be. It doesn't make any sense that anything would ever be. We can do that to like help us navigate and maybe form links, like as a way of doing something, but they're always connected. And sex, sexual energy, attraction, it's such a powerful attractor. It's so potent that like, to not use it as a modality, to gain insight into your emotions, your spirituality, to me, just feels like a total waste of an opportunity.

Total waste, yes.

It's just like, yeah, you're just like, you're missing the point where you were saying like, you know, a lot of people do that in one way or the other. Some people can be completely open and connected in real life and then they get in bed and they're not. And then vice versa, like you said, maintaining that connection, I think what people find is it strengthens everything because it is everything. So if you're just not modulating, it can be different experience. Obviously, you can be the most loving, kind, gentle, sweet couple outside in the world and then in bed, you could be like having the roughest of sex.

That's not what it means, but it means--

That's not what it's about now.

No, it's about having the, yeah, it sounds pretty good, right? It's gonna say, but what I was saying is basically, if you express yourself authentically in each situation, it's, I think, what feels uncomfortable for people is that gating. It's like, if you have to shield some aspect from yourself, that lack of being vulnerable, it's more effort to put up that wall than just to be like, all right, I'm fine, no matter what. Here I am, like, if you don't like it, I'll fucking deal with it anyway, but you'll probably like it 'cause I'm cool. That's like a powerful lesson for a lot of people to learn because otherwise you're always in this codependent relationship with like everything, like everything, not just people, but like everything, and that's a dangerous game to play 'cause it's not accurate, it's totally not satisfying either.

Well, I thought it was so interesting because I just talked to a couple of my guy friends in the last week, and actually yesterday I had a good conversation where somehow what just happened to me, I kind of related back to him and I was like, oh, 'cause that's just what happened to me and then we talked about his emotions, right? And I think there's such a, he's going through some really rough times and I think it's really difficult for him and I think for many men out there, and I'm not gonna say all because it's obviously not true, but I think in Western culture men are not really raised to express their emotions to actually even feel them, right?

And it's so difficult because we perceive, I don't wanna go further into this really, but we perceive vulnerability and being in touch with your emotion and saying them out loud and communicating them as such a weakness where in turn, like you said, when you really embrace that, nothing can hurt you because you're just you. What are you, there's nothing to be ashamed about. If you were sad about something, if you're happy about something, if you like something and you say it out loud, this is just a positive thing. There's nothing really that can be shameful.

And I think what sometimes people learn the opposite lessons and they can blame it on their parents or they can blame it on society or whatever, but if you some, at one point, maybe when you were younger, you express something and it wasn't immediately validated. And I've seen this from both days now, as a child and as a parent, sometimes my son will say something, the one who's communicating and like, I'm like, no, that's not a good idea. And I'm not saying it as a judgment, the value judge, I'm just like, no, I'm just telling you like electric sockets, not where you want to be putting your finger.

Just like, you know. - Exactly.

That type of shit. So it's important that we recognize that not every single thing that we feel at every single point in time needs to be validated by something else, but exactly what you're saying, having the ability to know that you're able to express it and like you're still cool and you're still like fine and you're not fucking up and you're not doing anything wrong, that's important and I do think most people will find that if you really do live from that space, you're validated quite a bit. Like the way you actually naturally are is validated. You know, enough, it's not like some desolate, isolate world where you're like, have to be the stoic person who only you support you.

Like you do get the outward connections and you know, you know, whatever you're going through, you have friends who are gonna support you, our family is gonna support you. Like those people tend to pop up, you welcome them into your life, which is important to say.

But I mean, it's like pressure testing, right? Like a little bit like your pressure testing, also if something is supposed to be in your life, like that's okay, right? I mean, it's also okay to make mistakes, of course, but it's also okay if you say something, the other person is like, nah, not for me, you know? And you're like, well, I guess then maybe not the two of us, but maybe somebody else, you know? I mean, I think we, I don't know. I was kind of figuring this out for myself too, because I think this whole idea, I mean, I grew up in a very open environment, right?

Yeah.

And still, of course, people, you don't want to be rejected by something. It doesn't even have to be a partner, right? It can be anybody. You want to be so perfect or whatever, especially in our world that is promoting that so much. But I do think that, well, one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my life, I feel like is the more imperfect and vulnerable I have become, especially in my work, actually, and also privately, I guess. The more people can connect.

It's impossible.

It's impossible.

That's how it would, okay, all right. So here's what I think the name of the game is. It's for everyone individually to wake up and realize they're literally everything, that they are everything that they've ever thought is something else is actually them. That's the name of the game. The way to do that would be essentially realizing the better you feel, the more you should see that externally validated, the more evidence you'll have internally that this is how things work. And a way of doing that is through a relationship. You'll see these emanations reflected back at you. And that's kind of like what we're doing here in duality.

But if we get caught up in just what's going on out there, we may not be able to make the connection. That's because we have this random thought last Tuesday of how we're jealous of so-and-so. It was just a micro thought and we didn't deal with it. And then it's reflected back in some reaction. So as long as you can remember, the baseline thing is you're in charge of your consciousness and you get to choose quite literally what state you want to embody in that it is a choice. And it doesn't mean if you feel bad that you're doing something wrong, but you do have, you're being presented a choice.

It might just be like a little hard, the door might be jammed a little bit. That's liberating. And again, I think like, I look at sex and like orgasming in particular as a really good symbolic representation of what transcendence is like. And it is this sequence of like this release. Something builds up. And what's really important to remember about sex, sometimes release is built up through anxiety and tension and uncomfortableness and you know, lifting things and you kind of hurt and it's not the worst, but like, you know. But sex is a really good example, just like comedy in a lot of ways that like you build up, it doesn't have to be kind of uncomfortable.

It doesn't have to be shitty. It's like a very pleasurable and it creates the same friction that releases the same release. And I think I would argue that, I don't know, they're probably on par if I think about it. Something I've been really fucking anxious about when that releases is pretty close to an orgasm in a lot of ways. You know what I mean?

Oh, it was like, yeah, it is. I mean, I think you were right. I mean, maybe the buildup of anxiety is more negative, like, more negative connotation in your mind than to build up to an orgasm, right? But I've also, I mean, there's so many levels to it. I think there's also orgasms, especially female orgasms as I haven't had a meal one, but well, surprise, that nearly felt like pleasure and pain, right? So it was like, I could barely like take it anymore, right? And so I think there is these things, there is these things within us that are always kind of teetering on both, right? I mean, even if you, for example, you said it earlier, you're like some rough sex or whatever, right?

There is some component of pleasure and pain of like, if you really wanna say it, death and birth, you're right? Like within sex, right? There is both elements. There is being, like La Petitmo, the small death, right? That's the French term for an orgasm, right? The small death, because it can nearly feel that way. And then at the same time, it is the way life is created. And even if it's not created, maybe it's also some kind of a death again, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

So it's a pretty potent act actually between humans. I mean, it's so spiritual that it's actually, it's fascinating to me, like I've been reading about all these ancient cultures and sexual rights and--

Well, tell me, tell me, this is like what I'm most interested in related to sex stuff right now. I mean, I like, I love sex, don't get me wrong, but I do like the, like, I've been waiting to learn about this stuff 'cause I don't wanna like Google it. I don't know, like, it seems like I'm gonna turn up something silly, but like, what have you been learning?

So interesting. So there's, I mean, there's so much, right? In Mesopotamia, there was a goddess. I think her name is Inia, I'm gonna butcher this. Anyways, but that she was a goddess of fertility and of sexuality. And there's so many different rights and rituals that were about celebrating fertility where women would come, like it's a festival where women come together and have sex. It's so fascinating.

With each other? With each other?

Yes, with each other.

Where's this Mesopotamia?

That was a Mesopotamia, and then there's also an ancient Greece where, I think it was another goddess, but also fertility. And every woman once in her life would go to the temple and basically open herself up. And so this is kind of a crazy one, actually. Open herself up to have sex with a stranger. In the name of the goddess. Because she was embodying the goddess in that moment, in the temple, and a stranger would come up and have sex with her.

That was probably pretty good sex if it was like this sacred ritualistic thing. It's probably not as crazy as it sounds now to us.

When people were watching, yeah, I mean, no, I don't think, I mean, of course, it sounds a little crazy. You're a forest like to go there, right, or something. But I think in that sense, it was seen very differently and also learned that fertility and sexuality or sexual pleasure and fertility were not mutually exclusive, like the way we are seeing it right now, where you either a mom, whether you're a Madonna or you're the whore, you either have sexual pleasure or you're only there to produce children. But actually these things are not mutually exclusive at all.

Totally, totally.

So many fascinating things. (laughs) There's a coronation ritual where the king had to sleep with the highest priestess and she taught him how to have sex and he had to pass the test before he get be coronated 'cause he was having sex with her.

Where is this?

I don't know what, I think this is also somewhere in the Middle East. I don't know if it's Iran, but it's somewhere in the Middle East. I'll look it up and I'll tell you exactly.

I like that one, that one sounds like a good system. It's a good system here.

Exactly.

It's for the king, it's not bad. No, I don't think I've learned the test yet.

It's like, so, you know, have your past or not.

Yeah, you just keep doing it, that's hilarious. Wow.

That's not exactly, yeah.

But just a lot of, like, and a lot of festivals say this one, I think, in the ancient Rome, that's called, I think it was flora or foria. I'm gonna have to look it up again. But there, it's kind of a wild one because it was also about fertility and men could just, like, women would run around naked all day and people would just have sex in the street.

This is in Rome.

Yeah.

I'm just taking mental notes of where to go 'cause I keep saying time travel is real. So I'm like, I'm just like, I'm, let me test this time travel theory. Let's see what's going on in this dream world. Wow.

But don't you find it so fascinating that for, let's say mainly the church started shaming sexuality so intensely because of power dynamics, right? It was something that was supposed to be sacred, that was supposed to be spiritual, or it was spiritual. It was sacred. It was a union between men and women or between people, actually, in general. There was something beautiful and holy.

Yeah, yeah, and that's that. I feel like, I mean, my general theory with what's going on now, the pandemic being part of it, is that we are kind of at the cusp of this new renaissance. It feels like a spiritual renaissance without so fucking stupid, but it does feel like that. And I think necessarily, as part of that, would be sex getting much more openly sacred. I think just because, and that, again, like it's really important that that doesn't mean it's like only one style of anything. It's just recognizing the act itself of honoring kind of--

We have to run around naked and like get a fuck first strangers, you know what I mean?

Totally, only if you want to. Like if you're into that, no judging, yeah, it's like only if you want to. But yeah, it definitely seems like it's a big part of it, which is good news for everyone. So, and I mean, that's what you want in sex. Everyone has had good sex, everyone has had bad sex. That's almost a guarantee. If you've had sex more than twice, that's probably gonna be there. Like it just happens. It doesn't mean it's gonna happen more than often than the other one. Well, it probably leans towards better though. You don't get worse. Do people get worse at sex? That's a good question.

I don't get worse, but maybe like, but maybe stably bad, because if you're completely cut off in general, it's like, I think it's just gonna not evolve, right? I mean, there is, there's something to be said where you could actually see maybe with porn and whatever. You can see, or not with porn necessarily, there's just an expression of how sexuality is viewed or how it's catered to a man to a certain degree. But I think that we have gone a little bit in the direction of disconnecting from each other, right? And if you go into sexual experience that way with like the idea of performing, and it actually will be pretty bad, I think.

You're not gonna get to that point where you actually melt.

Or connecting and letting go and actually having it be what it's supposed to be.

And I think it's probably the reason why it's really difficult for a lot of women to come, is because that connection, not trust, is not really established that way. And well, they're also not in touch with their own sexuality often, I have to say. But yeah, I think it's definitely, if we can see this as something where connection being close to people is something what is really important to us, right?

What better way to see that than being isolated alone during a pandemic than to see how important this shit actually is.

I totally believe a friend of mine was like, everyone's gonna be wild and single. I was like, no, everyone's gonna couple up.

Are you kidding me? Who's gonna be, yeah, that's real now.

Everyone's gonna be like, please, I don't.

Yeah, they're gonna see the value of like, also I think a lot of people are seeing the dichotomy, you know, when you talk to single friends and I think, you know, people who are quarantined alone, relative to people who are in couples, like there's a big fucking difference between those two experiences, you know, and it's teaching people very different lessons, but still the same one at the end of the day, which is like, we, we value connection in whatever way we're seeking it. And it doesn't have to be intimate or sexual, it's just, that is something that also is a very useful and powerful thing that you probably should be seeking out.

I mean, it's crazy. I mean, a lot of people also have been breaking up.

Oh, of course.

Oh, of course. Are you kidding me?

Yeah, yeah.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, I have several friends have broken up and I'm like, why are you doing this? And you're insane, but at the same time, of course, all the shit's coming up that you have never talked about. And now it's there because there's nothing to run away. You need to keep the run away from it.

No job you're going to. There's no other patterns you can run. I've seen the weirdest of things. I've seen couples who seem like they dislike each other, like friends, parents, who seem like they really dislike each other, who now are forced to be together, who actually like each other, like they get back to what they're doing, 'cause there's no thing that we used to like actually like, yeah, it's like, there's all these different permutations or things are happening. I mean, I know my soon-to-be ex-wife would agree that if we were probably trapped together since this quarantine, it wouldn't have been good for anyone.

We at least had experience 'cause we were getting separated before that back way back in October of last year. That would have been bad. It would have not been a situation that outside of the lesson, which we already knew, which is we probably shouldn't be doing this. And I think a lot of people are now in those situations 'cause they didn't take the moves to do it or-

Totally.

And they just didn't talk about anything.

Yeah, that's true.

I mean, that's probably a little bit more brutal than, well, there's no like, what's more brutal or whatever. It's just everyone faces a challenge, right? In that time. And it might just be who you wanna spend your life with in general, or are you ready to be close to somebody? Are you ready to open up to somebody and share a life, you know? That's it, gets back to the vulnerability thing, which is this connection. It really, there is this level of being truly vulnerable too. Not just doing it lip service and saying the things that you think make you vulnerable, but actually like really putting your shit out there.

Not to everyone, but in situations, not to everyone. That's really important too, 'cause sometimes people take that overboard too. But it's not skillful, we'll say. I mean, it doesn't have to be dangerous, but it's not what you wanna be doing. But yeah, if you can actually like really show who you are, your sex will get better. I guarantee it. It's like pretty much the main connector that I've noticed, like that truth and trust and authenticity, like then you can actually do whatever you want, like, you know what I mean? But it's so fascinating with sex though, because there's so many different ways, right, of having sex clearly and having a connection.

And not, some people get off on this and I've also had experiences like this to just have sex with a stranger. Because maybe, I mean, probably have to do some work on themselves maybe in a different way. So they're actually able to like, why may we not? But it's just fascinating to me how different sets of experiences make people open up, right? And some things, in general, I think most things get better when you open up and you communicate and you're close to each other and you just love, you know, exploring each other's bodies.

Yeah.

But you can have some random, I had some random experiences where I met somebody on a random lane, I'm like, oh, you cool, whatever. And then we had sex and it was like, this is fucking mind-blowing. I don't exactly know what happened here, right?

Some connection, yeah.

Yeah, it's some reconnection. Doesn't mean like, you know, I mean, you can also have an incredible mental connection with somebody in horrible sex, right?

Well, that's an important thing to keep in mind though, that the closeness of the relationship intellectually or relationally, platonically, doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the vulnerability aspect. If you meet a stranger and you can be vulnerable, even if it's like, holy shit, I don't really know that well, but like that vulnerability can actually be created in bed for people, it can be created in certain social contexts. I think the trick is, again, like if you can extend that for each situation in its proper way, life turns into like this process of like release in a way, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because I've been there after a relationship and I've also been in some kind of a relationship with a man who really, for him it often was like that. It was so much easier to be vulnerable in bed than outside of bed. And it was a struggle, you know? Because yeah, it's a struggle.

Yeah, well, it's 'cause it's not the whole relationship too, you can't be in bed all the time. Even if you're really good at it.

Unfortunately. - You know? Yeah, unfortunately, I know it's a very pleasant place. No, I totally get it.

Yeah, I mean, it is, I think as a modality, as something that we can use, like it's such an acute one. And yeah, I love that you've kind of dedicated so much of your life and like mind-streamed to it just because it's something that I think a lot of people because I think people who probably consider themselves pretty open about sex don't push themselves to like look at different aspects of it or like you're doing like the history of it. Like this stuff is like, is very interesting because it's not just this thing and we own, we like to think we've formed our only our own identifications with it.

But we are until we understand what those own identifications are, what we like, what we don't like. Are influenced just like in life by other things.

Absolutely. - So it's, yeah.

A thousand percent, I think actually that's probably why I'm doing this for a certain degree 'cause it's something that was never given to me, right? If you grew up in a society and granted still very open society in comparison to the rest of the world, right? That doesn't really put any attention on even fucking finding the clitoris and putting it into books, you know, like nobody's writing about this forever. Just female pleasure being so, you know, being ignored for such a long time and then having to figure out in a, in a patriarchal society that tells you what it means to be sexy as a woman, but only in the idea of like a man perceiving you.

Right. - And when you start having your own pleasure, you're maybe gonna try to imitate what you see, what people tell you, you're supposed to be as a sexual woman. And I think for me that just became so interesting 'cause it was like, okay, wait, but this is not all me. Like I don't, and it's still, it's still a constant struggle, not struggle, but constant learning.

It's a balance, yeah, it's like a, yeah.

What was given to me what is actually mine and how can you make it so that other women can explore their own? Because nobody's like me, right? I'm not going out there and being like, have sex like me, you know? All I wanna say is, well, you can, I'm fine, I think. (laughing) But mainly this idea is open the conversation with yourself, with your body, the connection that you have that can be actually very spiritual. I mean, I love my body in such a deep way and it wasn't always like that, right? But I taught myself, and it's fascinating because it nearly feels like a field that hasn't been very explored, which is bullshit, right?

Of course, yeah, but it has been very explored.

But there was like a dead time since the Middle Ages and like, further on, like, it's been a very shamed subject. So we're kind of like, I feel like, like a little kid sometimes I'm like, "Oh, I'm learning new things."

You are, you're basically like treasure hunting too, because a lot of attention has, there's been so many other like studies on sex, like, you know, biologically, all these other things, but yeah, just the actual, you know, anthropological history and like, mythological and cultural history of it. You definitely don't get taught that in school. They're not delving into that. Like I said, the reason I didn't even go on Google is like, I didn't even think there would be resources that I could truly trust online. I'm sure there are, but it just felt like a, I don't know where this stuff is coming from, but it does seem like, I don't know, I've also been endlessly shocked by places like YouTube, like to just like, uncover some like brilliant person talking about some shit.

I'm like, what the fuck? Like this is definitely, this person put in the time researching, prove it, but yeah, it's really interesting stuff. Like it definitely, because again, to me, the biggest lore is it's like such a primal drive that to omit it from anything you'd be doing otherwise. Like the connection between it is like kind of silly at a certain point. Like you're definitely, and it could just be like that final thing and it is a death thing. And we spoke about this a few days ago, it's like the death aspect of this is not something to be feared, it's a change. And it's a good change. Like if it's the little death, right?

In French, that's a good type of death. Everyone wants that type of death. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I think nearly everybody, I think people, funny enough, like in real death, like in a psychedelic experience that might be a near death experience, right? Sometimes I think an orgasm can be nearly overwhelming, right? Because it is letting go of control. And a lot of people have issues with that. I think that's the female orgasm might be a little bit different there too, right? I think as a release.

It might be a little bit than the males. I mean, there's a component, well, you know, I will say this. There's a lot, there are different, there are definitely different types of male orgasms. I will say that. I think people who have like a lot of sex and good sex and like have learned how to like control and like do different things. Like there are different things that can make you come just like, I imagine for a woman. And I've found something, I'm sure you found it too, that when you're in really resonance with someone, you can feel their orgasm. You know what I mean? Like this is like, and so that as just the thing, which if you can strengthen that and play around with that both together, that requires a certain level of openness and vulnerability that you can get crazy.

Like there's stuff like, and it's just kind of like music for me too, like it doesn't end. It's not like, oh, there's only this type. Doesn't, that's, we've hit that limit of sex. We've hit the limit of orgasms. It's like, what?

That's so funny. I wrote this thing and I wrote like a longer thing, not too long ago, actually. And I think I wrote something like, he gives me endless musical arrangements.

Yeah.

Because it's that, you know, it's that feeling. It's just like, it's endless. It won't, and every time it is different. It's like, it's familiar, but it's, you're reborn with somebody. I mean, these are sexual experiences that often don't happen every day. And later on, they can, right? But it's the first time I had like, quote unquote, a cosmic orgasm. I didn't know what the fuck was happening, you know? I wasn't like meditating to get to the place. I wasn't doing Tantra. I was just like, holy shit. I don't have another universe.

You probably were though, right? That's what I think about Tantra.

Oh, yeah. - That's what I'm realizing. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's what it is. It's just they labeled it and systematized it and said you can do it this way, replicably. But I think if you're naturally adept at it, like you probably were doing Tantric stuff like lives ago or if you want to think about it like that. And so like, it's just a natural thing.

Yeah.

'Cause that's just happened. So, yeah, yeah, because these like, the concepts that you'll learn later, you're like, okay, that sounded like Tantra. I wasn't specifically doing it, doing it, right? But this whole idea of like melting together in bodies and what, which I had with several ex-partners and with a partner actually currently too. Where it's just like, and it sounds so cliche and I haven't figured out a better way. So it helped me, but sometimes it feels like I do not know where my body ends and his begins.

Totally. What could be more psychedelic than that?

Exactly, right? You like literally losing sense a little bit of--

Yeah, you phase in and out. You phase in and out physically. I mean, that to me is just like a perception of a more accurate and like higher dimensional. Like, I just feel like that's more real, actually than what we experience here. This is fun and that's not to reduce the amazingness of the physicality of this world. I was saying the other day that it feels like people who really like are resonating with each other, love feels like a big function of coming to this place is to experience the physical aspect of that. 'Cause if you don't have that as like an ethereal consciousness, you may, yeah, you have to sign up for some pains and suffering a little bit of things until you figure out how you wanna modulate it for the most part.

But it's kind of like its own unique fucking thing. And that's like one of the coolest aspects of it. And when you can tie them together and then kind of like phase in and out of that, that's fun, that's like a fun way of--

That's incredible. I mean, I think it does take either consciously to or subconsciously to people who can actually open up like that, right? - Yeah.

Or who are interested. - Yeah.

Man, I'm sure some people are not really interested in having that as their experience. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't know, I mean, I don't, I think everyone is-- - Or they just have breaks.

Yeah. - They just haven't experienced it, maybe that's why.

You can do it. And the thing is, is it's directly related to this other shit we're talking about. That's why the connection is always there. It's like if you let go of stuff, if you really like just process this shit, it'll give you confidence in being vulnerable, it gives you confidence in being yourself, and then that will naturally translate in the bedroom wherever you're having sex. Like it just will, and even if you're not in a relationship and there's no like immediate partner on your horizon, if you really start to get that shit, like you will naturally, if that's what you want, you'll attract it.

Like it's definitely just something that will happen. So-- - You know, that's an interesting thing because I've been in long relationships and also single, and like, there's something weird about it, though, in the sense that, I think I was asked once, how do you find all these like sexually open men who wanna pleasure you, right? And I was like, well, I don't really have a good, I don't know, like thinking to tell you, like it's not like-- - You just do, that's how it works. - But there is some, there's definitely, and I'm really sure about this, some kind of an energy that you omit, and even if that's not the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with, right?

But I really, nearly ever meet somebody, I have bad sex with, like the, you know, it might be there's different levels to do whatever, but like, I think that the fact that this person always wants to give me immense pleasure, and it's very important to that partner, is also because it's very important to--

Yeah, exactly, duh, that's exactly what it has to be because, and that sounds, like I said, that can sound like an unsatisfying to someone who's like, well, I've had a lot of shitty sex, it's like, okay, well, you're not destined-- - I don't wanna say anything.

No, and you're not, I'm only pointing this out as Devil's Advocate, and it's not to say you're attracting shitty sex, it's just, maybe you've just seen it so much that you're reinforcing it as a thing that's happening, but if you're just like, you know what, I have really, I attract people who I have really great sex with and connection with, and this doesn't even just have to be sex, it could be for anything. It could be a relationship to money, it could be a relationship to any, like, you just, that's the flip, that's the letting go of the shit we were talking about in the beginning part of this episode where, like, this thing that had been, like, gripping you for enough to make it sufficiently uncomfortable, you're like, I don't want this, I know that.

That's the thing where you're like, okay, I don't, I think I want the thing that the world, I don't live where that happens, so.

Exactly, and that, to be said, right, I had several heartbreaks in my life that felt very shitty, and I don't say that that's my fault I invited that into my life, so if somebody has some bad sex sometimes, you know, it's probably, it's not like, to view it like that.

I mean, maybe it is, maybe it's like a chance to learn what you don't want anymore, or what doesn't work for you, a chance to grow, and so maybe to see it that way, okay?

Yeah, well, we should catch up more, 'cause I imagine pretty soon, what do you, let's do predictions, this is fun, when do you think international travel is open, that if you leave, like, the U.S. or another country, you're allowed to come back if you go somewhere where it is, what do we think, what's your prediction?

Oh, so you wanna come back to the, well, you're American citizen, back you'll always go, I would say end of May.

End of May, yeah, I was saying beginning of June, so that lines up, we're in the same timeline there, that's cool, let's do, did I miss anything? Is there anything you specifically wanted to talk about that we should have spoken about? No, it's just amazing, yeah.

I just want you to have, I want you to come and post a church, that's all.

Yeah, oh, I'm definitely gonna do it, I love it. So, let's end with the three questions, I haven't had so many guests lately, I keep forgetting how I used to run this podcast, okay, everything's different now, you know what it is. What's your favorite color? (gasps)

Damn, red.

What's your favorite number?

What is my favorite number? Today it's six.

Okay, what's your favorite animal?

A lion.

You know he gets to line them up with the answers from before, that's the beautiful thing about those questions.

Oh my God, I'm sure you know that.

I know, they always change, you know, you never know. Practical tip that you've learned in your life that's helped you that you could share with people.

Why does a good practical tip, apart from washing your sex toys or something? I'd say, when you ride your bike, get one of those like, hair ties or something, so your pants don't get full of grease, so you can like. (laughs)

That's a really good and practical tip. That's what people want to hear.

I've been like, I've been riding my bike a lot and I'm just, I have to wash my pants all the time, they're full of grease.

Do you have to wear a mask where you are when you go outside?

Only inside of.

Places.

Only when you, yeah, when you order things outside, yes, but not when you're riding your bike.

Cool, that's awesome. We don't have to wear either. Some places you do. Awesome, Laura.

Thank you so much.

Thank you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

That was a fun episode. Go check out Laura at her podcast, at her podcast, on her podcast, Pussy Church. It's on MindPod Network, that's still a thing. I've been on that one, I'm gonna go back on, she's been on this one, it's a good one. I'm like, you heard in this episode, sex is just a really good way of approaching any aspect of consciousness, just 'cause most of us have it on the mind, even if it's not sexual, sexual Jesus. Sexual energy is clearly potent and useful, so check it out, she's awesome. If you're into that stuff, you're gonna love her podcast. Solo cast coming next week. Patrons, you're getting the bonus ones in between, patreon.com/sinkrenicity.

You can find it on the website, which is sinkpodcast.com, S-Y-N-C. Lots of shit, live reading, middle of the month. Q and A's will do a public thing sometime in the next couple of weeks too. Shit's good, shit's real good. See you soon, until then, happy imagining.