Writing Out Your Life with Tales of Lara

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Welcome to St-- Geez Louise. Way to cough right at the beginning of it. Welcome to Synchronicity. We have a wonderful guest this week, Laura. She has her Instagram, Tales of Laura, and her podcast, but she hasn't done it a little bit, but we'll be doing it again. Pussy Church, she's been on the podcast a bunch of times, always great to connect with her. We cover a lot of stuff in this episode, the importance of writing, various practices, which you can do to kind of stimulate your mind, some involving your body. It's fun, you're gonna love it. Before we get started, a big shout out to my sponsors, Ned, go to HelloNed.com, use the code SYNC, S-Y-N-C at checkout and get 15% off your order.

Go check out their latest product, Shut-I Chai. This is a Chai tea that helps you get some restful, useful sleep, it's loaded with magnesium, and other cool stuff. They're awesome, they're great, check them out. HelloNed.com, use the code SYNC at checkout, get 15% off. We're continuing the imagination, illumination, thing we've been doing that's going great. We're having a lot of fun with it. You can catch that on the Patreon, where we're kind of like following up with each other and holding each other accountable, and we're doing live streams every Thursday. So if you've been on the fence about the Patreon, this is a good time to join, we're actually doing stuff, I'm on there, it's fun stuff.

And we got the live stream like really sorted out, so it's like actually working, we're having fun. It's good times. Readings are open, you can check those out on the website, syncpodcast.com/reading-slink. That's not a way to say that, slash readings. You can also go and see the links on wherever you're getting this podcast. There's a clickable button. That's it. Go check out Lara, primarily on Instagram. She releases a ton of stuff there. You can go check her out at Tales of Lara, L-A-R-A. That's it. I'll see you on the flip side of this episode. Cool stuff. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

Well, I'll say we just spoke off air just for a second. We officially just hit the record button, but welcome to Synchronicity Lara.

Ooh, thank you. It's good to be back.

Yeah, it's a fun place to be. We were just talking about, you're like what, we've done this enough times that we don't really need to bring up any topics specifically to speak about, but I was like, you know, I am doing this thing.

Hopefully.

Yeah, well, I guarantee it. There's some people that I just don't worry about like really having to carry on a conversation with or like find things to speak about. And like, I know we've done like long podcasts in person and like this that are just effortless. So I'm not worried about it. But we were talking about this imagination illumination thing where I'm doing where I was basically like, you know, we're just writing shit down into a notebook where every single day we're talking about either affirmations or desires or manifestations or goals or whatever it is. And I was like, you know, the power of writing something down and then having it expressed, you know, via your subconscious, your soul, whatever you wanna call it seems to be like an acute relationship.

And like, I noticed that and that's why we're doing it again. And then of course, as I'm saying this to you, I'm realizing like you write shit all the time and you were like, I have 150 notebooks.

I do. But I started writing when I was so funny, I looked at my notebooks this past summer or something. You know, I organized them all and I was like, it's a stretch. I started writing with 11, you know, so it's been a bit, like it's been a while.

Yeah, I mean, and so you've been writing about, I'm sure a lot of different things in like your life and just also like, you know, the stuff you write for your, you know, the aspects of like the erotic kind of exotic stuff that poetry, so what have you noticed? We'll talk about what's going on in our lives like in just kind of the craziness of everything else and weave that in. And just wondering like as a meta thing, what have you noticed like the relationship is between the stuff you write down about your life or about what you want and how that is ultimately expressed on the screen of reality?

It's interesting because I think you, we kind of mentioned this before we started recording in a sense of like periods in your life where things click differently, you know? And I think with my writing, it goes in phases, like sometimes writing is a little bit more to get myself through some kind of manifestation that I'm not so happy with or kind of manifesting future things. So I do see kind of like an ebb and flow. I mean, I write all the time and I write everywhere. I write in a notebook a lot, like every day, nearly.

With a pen.

With a pen, yes, pen and paper always. And then anywhere else like, you know, the note app, and I just write in little pieces of paper because there's a lot of thoughts that I have. I think it's just where I make sense of the world, you know, or of my world. So with manifestation, I think, I mean, I've learned that the more specific you can get the better because I've manifested things where I was like, yes, that's what I want it, but not exactly like this. And I was like, yes, I said I wanted to fall in love, like crazy. Maybe I should have put a little bit more details to that.

Yes, yeah.

You know, stuff like that. I was like, I got what I wanted, but it looks a little different than I was hoping for.

Well, one of the reasons I think that happens is like the aspect of our mind that generates experience, what we eventually perceive like after the fact as like what's going on, there's no sense of humor. There's no irony. There's no ability to really process the subtleties of what we consciously understand those things to be. It's just literal. It's like, you want that? I will literally give you exactly that. And a lot of people miss that. Sometimes they're just consenting to thoughts that is exactly what they don't want. They're just thinking about those things. So they can subconscious mind is just like, hey, I'll give you that, no problem.

You've got it, buddy. Like here you go.

But that's like terrifying, right? Because when you like have some like thoughts that are not so positive or something, you're just like, oh my God, am I making this worse?

Well, this is something that I noticed that when I let those thoughts run amok and unchecked, it's not that like they don't happen at times when things are clicking. It's just your relationship to them fundamentally changes. So one thing I've noticed is like, if I catch a thought that is counter to what my intentions and like real belief and desire I intended to be, I'll just charge it the other way. Like I will take the time to create a thought that is of equal magnitude in the positive direction. And so it gives you an ability to, you know, honestly, and you know this, this is not that different than like Buddhist meditation.

Like you're just watching your thoughts and just being aware of what's coming across on the screen of your mind. So when you're able to do that, if you are like a rapid thinker or you're able to notice like a repetitive obsessiveness or like ruminating on certain things, you can use that to your advantage because every time one of those thoughts comes up, you're flipping it in the other direction because you're not just like being like, oh no, this is something that's bad. But it's, oh yeah, I can actually take the time to kind of like direct this in the direction I want to go. And it's like a judo flip.

I like that. Yeah, because I've had in the past fall I had this kind of phase of a couple of months where I caught myself creating a lot of stories. So I'm a storyteller, right? And a writer, but I created these stories, you know, out of habit, you know, things that would scare me really in the end. And I would catch myself getting all emotional about something completely made up. And I was like, oh my God, this doesn't exist. So it was a really strange thing where I could start seeing really the patterns of how my thoughts were going, right? Well, what I was creating to actually create some pain for myself.

And like some strange way, I don't know if that makes any sense. But that-- - No, it makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, it was like, oh, this is a pattern, is a habit of mine to be scared about this or like to maybe even indulge in the emotion of, you know, I'm really big on, I mean, my life is very funny. Like my shaman wants it to be. It's like, you know, less drama in your life, more drama on the page, you know. So because I'm really, I'm full of emotion and full of maybe Shakespearean emotion nearly. So to kind of catch myself not doing that in my life was, and putting that more into my work was a really big difference.

That's huge.

It's actually a really good like transformational activity to do with that type of energy because it is often something that can kind of just get out of control and like you don't allow the drama. Like I was joking the other day on Twitter and it's true. Like like 80% of my life is like a soap opera. It's like a classical soap opera, literal, but like not even like in my mind, I'm blowing it up to those proportions. Like the actual events that are taking place are ridiculous. Like they're really like, you wouldn't write this in a show because you'd be like, this is too silly. Like this is not really how things are supposed to go.

So I, it's cool to be able to take that energy and then apply it creatively. Because I do think that's one of the things that comes along with like being sensitive or emotional or feeling things very deeply is that's a very powerful catalyst for creating stuff and realities. And I mean that in both ways, like the actual way of like creating something artistically, but also just creating your reality because that's the charge that's needed to actually summon forth like real, like it has to be a truly heartfelt, felt thing for it to actually exist in the world. It may seem to you as a retro, retroactive feeling like I feel it afterwards, but you actually have to believe this shit for it to happen in your life.

And that's why when things kind of, at least for me, spiral or get dark or it like takes like way too long to kind of get out of a mindset that's not really conducive or aligned with what I'm trying to do, which I think just also to be clear, a lot of people experience over the past two, three years. Like this is a not a unique necessary experience, even though it probably feels like that to everyone. It's like the energy of the world got halted in a really dramatic and unnatural way that we're still dealing with kind of the aftershocks of that. And so people like--

Totally. I mean, I think it's pretty nice.

I think it's nice to remind yourself of that because otherwise, I mean, I'm talking about myself, but I think we can all become so self-focused, right? And be like, oh my God, my life's just like, it's so much shit's going on or it's like a soap opera, right? I always feel like, I always say mine's like an opera or something. And I'm like, oh my God, why are you taking it?

Yours is the classy version of the thing, mine's the trash and TV show.

It's so horrible, don't people die like in the opera?

That's true. No, but seriously, but the thing is, I think that when you kind of put things into context and you allow yourself to think, I mean, I think for women especially, let's say this is like a really classic example with your period, right, having PMS, that there is a moment where the hormones take over and you just either you get all weepy or you get angry and you wanna fucking kill everybody. And there's this moment where you're like, oh shit, I'm gonna get my period in a day or two. That kind of gives you, like meditation strangely enough, a little bit of distance from our feeling. And we can do this every day, right?

But we don't.

Yeah, I mean, I can like calm down.

I've seen that process from living with women for most of my adult life. I did the calculations the other day. I'm like, shit, I really have. Like I have gotten to know the cycles of PMS and really like watch women realize that maybe your hormones are just really, really attuned right now. And it's really close to a full moon and this makes me, not that mad about this specific thing.

I know.

It is an amazing process.

You don't wanna kill your neighbor, you act.

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty intense.

But I think the same thing would go for like, right? You're like, oh my God, just my life is so crazy. And you're like, oh, actually, we're experiencing a lot of upheaval and like the world's very different and it was three, four, three, four years ago, right? And to be kind to yourself within that experience because it's not just us, right? It's, I mean, this is like the collective dream, right? That we are experiencing and then--

Absolutely.

And then there's our individual dreams, obviously, or--

Yeah, and the intersection is, I think, what a lot of us are naturally trying to navigate 'cause not only are we like in the world and like a natural state of being, but like, we're in the cultural and societal times that we live in, too. It's, I don't view it as like an accident or a random set of circumstances that led us to this point in time and experience. Like I think time is infinite. We could have incarnated across a crazy spectrum of possibility, but we chose here for a reason. And then the cycle is, I know, I know, that's a fair question. I mean, and like the, obviously, like one of the major facets of having been alive over the past 20, 30, 40 years, even like, is that there's this change factor that is so hyper-inflated, relative, and maybe humans felt like this for all of history, but just it's undeniable that the rapid, not just technological, but like psychic awareness possibilities that kind of the internet, in a large part, kind of ushered in, but it's gone way past that.

It's changing what we view as like culture and society in a way that like is almost like, it's breakneck speed. It is like, it is so fast, it's so crazy how quickly things can turn on a dime, and consciousness can now be crystallized and focused in such an apparent way in various directions. And I think what that really points to, or at least like the point of it is, is to recognize that intersection of like, where you are consenting and creating this collective dream, and phasing in in terms of awareness, and making that like a kind of central role. So it is, of course, like, I always play this kind of like, dancing game in my mind when, you know, it's like self-centeredness, or it's being selfish.

It's like, the reason you are that, if at any point, and that shouldn't have a negative connotation most of the time, is that's your only reliable, consistent reference, like 99% of the time.

Yes, and kind of source of control, right? In a sense of like, I can control my behavior, or my reaction at least, right? Or my interaction with the world around me to a certain degree. So there is something, you know, about responsibility.

Yeah, and even if you're controlless at times, and you feel like you have no power, and your mind just like overpowers you, or you just emotionally get dragged into a state that you just feel like you can't get out of, one of the cool things that I've found, and even though it's not always reliably accessible, is like really just like letting the fuck go, at that point. Psychedelics are really good at teaching us this, because there's a point where if you fight a psychedelic, it's a losing battle in the worst possible world.

I have more than less than the heart, right?

I have to, it is not comfortable.

I mean, it's wild, but I mean, it really is a great example, I think, for life, you know, in general, and I think emotions too, if you think about it in that way, as it is, like, I like this idea of you are the ocean, right? And emotions are waves that come and go, and that you've been alive for long enough, or conscious for long enough, that you know that they come and go. So there can be some kind of detachment. I mean, you can practice it, obviously, you know, as I just mentioned PMS or something, and I do think, you know, I wanna kill somebody, little, I just had this thing, like a week ago, and I was like, I think I'm gonna say I am.

(laughing) If I had a knife, no, but like, I wanted us about, you know, testosterone, for example, because this thought process of like, I mean, this is going completely different direction, probably.

No, no, no.

But a friend of mine transitioned a few years ago, and he started taking male hormones, you know, testosterone. - Right, right.

And since he didn't have teenage years to like, process and learn, you know, how to deal with testosterone, really. He was just like flooded with like, he was like, I've never been so angry in my life. Like, I wanna kill everybody, I wanna destroy everything. And that it's, there is a reason why we are slowly, you know, becoming adults are just having to deal with like different emotions and stuff. But really in the end, these are hormones that you're taking, but we face that part every day.

Absolutely. It's undeniable too, like the hormones are just going to accentuate kind of states of being that exist. I also can like, I, you know, I got a, I had back pain once and they gave me steroids. This is like a decade ago. And I had never taken steroids. Like, I had never taken an oral steroid, maybe like a topical for like, you know, like a rash or something, I don't even remember, but basically I was taking these for a couple of days, and I was so jacked and mad at everything. And I couldn't figure out why I'm like, why is everything pissing me off? Like, why am I ready to like fight in every sentence?

Like, holy shit, it's a steroids. I don't really take them anymore. I mean, they're useful, they're anti-inflammatory. So I'm not gonna deny the power of what these things can do medically, but yeah, the hormones though, they accentuate what's there, which are these aspects of being, and our kind of resonance with them as energies. I think the trans stuff is actually like a really interesting thing in society that's going on because it's like a physical representation of what everyone kind of is having to go through psychically and spiritually. Like, and that can be like someone who just doesn't understand like the trans thing to them in their mind, they're like, whoa, that's fine.

You don't have to understand why someone would want to be identifying as a different gender or experience reality as a different gender. You don't have to understand that, but you can understand the principle of wanting to change your reality in a way that would feel more comfortable and fulfilling and more on plane.

And really, manifestation is like that or some degree, right? Like when you, I mean, granted, obviously, that's a little bit different. And I think it's interesting because we can see these things so easily, I think, if you just think about, oh, this is the hormones or whatever, or the steroids, right?

Right, right.

But then to have that awareness to be like, oh, these are just my emotions. It's not me, right?

Yeah, exactly.

This is me being triggered, you know, some old woundings or whatever the hell it is or something. And it's not me, and it doesn't have to be me. So I think, or stay with me, or like you said earlier, right? Like just letting the shit go, to practice it. And listen, it's always easier to say this when you're not activated, right? And I'm just like, oh, yeah, of course, looking good.

Of course, of course, our perfect selves. The podcast version of everyone is always the perfect, he's so capable of giving great advice that they always take and nothing, everything goes through.

I mean, I'm like that in real life. I give my friends like incredible advice, you know? I'm just, I mean, I give also full work. I give advice for work, and I'm just like, oh, that's so funny because last year was real difficult. I'm like, yeah, this is interesting, you know? Also, though, everything that you experience that is difficult or it's challenging for you will make you, if you work with it, through it, whatever.

Right.

You'll get more compassionate for other people's experience, you know?

Exactly, that's, being able to see that though, as a real benefit and like power of that, is an extremely important skill just because otherwise, the tendency towards like cynicism, and doomsaying, and feeling shitty, and acting shitty, like objectively all the time, like, those chances go up so much. Like it's really what you're in resonance with, and it's true, like, the coolest thing about like getting knocked off the horse, right, is you do get to get back on, like you do absolutely, it's a choice, you might be, you might have got real fucked up in the fall, but like you absolutely have the ability to kind of get back up if you want to, from a true metaphysical sense, like that's what we're doing by choosing to be alive.

Like it is a choice on a very deep, autonomic fundamental level, but really it is. Like, and I think you can see that like when like, you know, old people, if like a spouse dies, or like they quit their job, and you can see that their reason for living was like kind of taken away, and they're like, I'm out of this shit, and they just die, because they're like, I don't want to do this shit.

That's true.

They're like, I want to do this.

So fast too.

Yeah, it's like, this is my reason that I liked living primarily, like, I'm not into this, I'm getting off this fucking ride.

But I mean, maybe at that age, you know, we're like, we have, I mean, I just, God, this is gonna get dark real quick.

No, let's keep it, I mean, we talk about it all here. That's what it is.

Okay, so, you know, I'm in my early 30s. I had never had a suicidal thought in my life until last year.

Oh, I also joined the suicide train in the past like year and a half. Yeah, because I was just like, because I just had this one thought and it was, it only happened once, so, listen, and then everybody told me they have it all the time and I'm like, oh, God.

Yeah, it's more common than people think, yeah.

I was so shocked by that moment because I hadn't met myself in this place yet, you know?

Right.

Maybe you can just put it actually in like an interesting, now in retrospect, if obviously you could be like, wow, I haven't met myself there yet. Interesting, that exists, right? As long as you don't do it. And I didn't have a plan or anything, right? To do it, but I just had this moment where I was like, I don't, you know, I went through a really heartbreaking breakup, gut wrenching, and I was just like, oh my God, what am I doing here? Like, I don't, for what? What is this for?

Yeah, what's the purpose, yeah.

What's the purpose? But maybe since I'm not 80, I had like, I was like, okay, well, this is shocking me, like, into, into life, back into life, right? This thought, like, scared me so much that I was like, okay, this cannot be it, you know?

Which is a healthy reaction. I don't mean to say that in like a clinical sense. I mean to say that like, you're here because you wanna be. So until you decide to absolutely not do that, you are making that decision continuously, just from an experiential point, like from a very deep kind of like out-of-world, higher dimensional sense, like that is a choice that is being made by your being to incarnate in this perspective. So a healthy reaction to a thought, which I've also, you know, had at times their fleeting. I have a similar reaction in the sense that it feels not resonant with my being. It doesn't feel like something and an energy I wanna reside in and feel is worthy of living in.

But I do think it's important to come into contact with stuff like that, because it also does give you the perspective of someone who maybe really is feeling like that a lot of the time. There's not like you can do something necessarily. I think ultimately that's a choice that like an individual makes on like a very deep level. So it's not like you could prevent it. But being able to experience that depth of kind of despair, hopelessness, like just kind of depression, it's important to be able to touch those places because it does give you a healthier and more well-rounded kind of view of what it is to be alive because we can forget that shit, you know?

I mean, in some kind of a sense, if you can see it with more distance, it is just experiencing all the different facets of being human, right? And despair and hopelessness are aspects of consciousness and of being alive, right? In that moment, you're just like, well, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't really care about it.

Yeah, right. I read this book, Arrows and Pathos.

Oh, cool.

And it's about, well, it's like Jungian psychology.

Oh, it's amazing.

And he writes about love, basically, and a lot of different aspects. So I don't agree with everything he says, but it's very interesting to see how much people, I mean, listen, people have despair about a lot of different things. But if you just look at it like heartbreak or love or something like that, right?

Yeah, of course, of course.

How much, really, us humans thrive of connection and integration and becoming one and then becoming two again and these aspects of us. But when you experience this, whatever it is in your life, right, some hardship, let's say, just because it's easier that way and maybe also because of those years that we just had, you can really teach yourself, right? Different things, like, how can I be there for myself? And how do I support other people when I see them going through it?

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you have a different reference point. Otherwise, you know, if everything's amazing, you're just like, oh, you're feeling bad? I don't know what that is. (laughs)

Yeah, and that perspective also allows you to move through situations more like, with more agency and control than you otherwise would have. And that means that you're not immune from the suffering that is life if we're looking at it in the Buddhist lens, but your ability to identify and resonate and recognize that is just kind of not a bad thing but a place just like any other and then recognizing you get to really do. You really do on a fundamental level when you get familiar with this ability. Choose which states of consciousness you ultimately embody. Like, that is really a choice that we all make.

Now, there may be a myriad of reasons and situations and challenges in our life that we're like, well, I'm still working on these. I'm still working on this one, but they're nevertheless that kind of challenge. You know this just from going through challenges and kind of overcoming them. That is like the solution or the resonance or the sense of the feelingness, you're looking at it through like in that realm, right? If we were looking from like an astrological sense, it's in that house. That house probably has the energy that you're being asked to deal with in that specific way. It really is like a powerful kind of, because once you surrender to that, you then weirdly at least get to acknowledge and deal with it from like a real place of like foundational support, like in balance.

Like otherwise you're like fighting against this thing that seems to get bigger and stronger. You know, the more you try to kind of tackle it from a certain level. And yeah, it does kind of like what I've been focusing on at least with this, all these writing prompts and things that we can do on a daily basis to kind of focus ourselves is noticing like my reactions to things that I'll write down, not only in the moment, but over time as like a series of kind of reflections that I can look at. Like, well, I remember on that day that I didn't believe this shit at all. And now, you know, I feel like this is the easiest thing in the world or oh, this thing happened in between there that reminded me that this is possible.

And that kind of reflectionary thing like in writing is actively what our minds are doing on a regular basis. It's how we're actually creating this kind of place we call existence and reality.

It's so fascinating with writing, I think, because I mean, for me personally, since I've been writing before so long, so for me, sometimes it's really like aspects of my experience start making sense when I start writing, right? So in reflection, in reflection, they start making sense. But I think there's also a part of like an unsensiveness that I taught myself with myself in a sense that I think a lot of times you start writing or you don't do it very often and you think like, oh, who am I writing this for? Or how do I want to see myself? How do I want to represent myself? Instead of anything I write today, it's not me necessarily, right?

It doesn't like define who I am. So in the sense of purging and then replenishing, you can do all of it on the page.

Right, right.

So I think it's such an incredible tool. I mean, listen, I don't know. I would like to hear your opinion. I think some people might, writing is easier for them or makes them feel better and some have other outlets or something.

Yeah, I mean, here's the thing with writing. It is a skill that most people are familiar with. Like it's just something that there is a direct link between our subconscious mind and the ability to write something down without even speaking it. It's like the same thing the way I look at like Twitter and social media. When you remove this ability to be in the company of people and have to think about the thing that you're gonna say before you're saying it, even if it's a split second and it's a decision you're making, that's a very powerful moment. When you eliminate that and you can just write it down or tweet it out or write something out, there's a different process entirely.

Like fundamentally changes the equation of what is being transmitted. So I think it's something that everyone possesses the ability to do in large part. If you're illiterate, I'm sorry, there's still a way you can do it. You can do it through voice and other things. It's not the only way. It's just that you can write down something and that process of focusing and ideally imbuing it with a sense of intention, that's very powerful. It's also relatively like its simplicity relative to its power is like something I definitely resonate with in life is like if it can be easy and powerful and not like completely destructive, I'm into that.

Like that's something, I enjoyed that. It doesn't always have to be a hard slog to get the jewel at the top of the fucking mountain. Sure, once in a while, but like I do like the simple kind of powerful things, ways to change reality. And I do think it serves that function. Yeah, I think so too, I mean, listen, it has a lot of functions, but I think there is you're right. I mean, there's a simplicity of just, and you're there by yourself. It's like a nice, nice place to be the page. It is meditation in like a very true sense, right? And it does have like a relationship with the page. You know, like whatever you, I mean, you can do this with anything, but I think there is something to be said about.

Like you said, meditation or it's like a prayer or whatever you believe in, right? There's some space that I'm giving myself and I'm looking at and I'm reflecting, or like you said, creating, right? And it's a very powerful thing if you just think about it in a very simplistic way because there is a blank page and then there's not a blank page. Like you are creating in that moment. So it's kind of, it's a wild, wild place to be actually. Yeah, and it's true. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's like one of the more powerful chemical tools we have in terms of like changing our reality, which is why I told like, that's why I did this thing on the show.

I was like, listen, here's the fucking deal. You can hear me yabbering about this for fucking five years. That's great. Wonderful. Who doesn't like listening to someone who has some actual tools for, you know, making things better in your life. But if you don't put them, yeah, if you don't put them in your arsenal, if you don't employ these things, they're fucking useless. It's like building up like a huge, amazing studio. I'll use it in my personal sense and never using any of it. I've done that at various times and I can tell you, it's not a great feeling. It's not like you run out of the excuses you potentially had to even do the things.

So just do the fucking shit. Like use the techniques, use your ability to kind of recognize your pattern of thought, write them down, shift them in the way. That's why I really do often like, I do speak about it so much. Like it's very important to get aligned with what it is you want and what your desires truly are. You shouldn't, in my opinion, have the relationship where desire is something that's gonna drag you down into the depths of sin or like it's going to, you know, give you bad karma because you're focusing on like, you know, a causal phenomena. That's not a useful approach primarily because it's not the time we live in.

Like good luck trying to unplug yourself from the system of wanting anything in this life. Like are you crazy? That tool doesn't work. Maybe that worked like 2,000 years ago where you didn't see someone for like a few weeks and you're like, "Yo, it's just withdrawal." 'Cause like, yeah, well, I don't have to interact with anyone, but it's not really practical for today's world and how most people feel for better, for worse, comfortable kind of integrating into. Like what we plug into.

Well, also having the responsibilities, right? Like in survival and stuff. But so wait, what are some of the prompts that you recommend people work with?

You're all take out, I'll take out my, gosh, I've done like everything, like at this point, but I'm super interested because there's always, listen, I think, I mean, you know the artist's way, right? By Julia Cameron. - Of course, of course.

Which one of the things that she writes about in this book, if anybody hasn't read it, it's kind of like a path to, and I reignite your creativity, but one part is called morning pages and she recommends, I think, what is it, 12 weeks or something? To write every morning, three pages by hand.

Yeah. - Just like that, yeah. I mean, there's so many cool ways, and I think, like, let's see your prompts, but if you can even keep it shorter, then it doesn't seem like such a--

I've been getting into, I'll read some of the ones that I've written down and kind of abstracted from, I really like a lot of the Joseph Murphy stuff. He was a contemporary of Neville Goddard's, and kind of, I think the secret with him is you have to recognize every time he's talking about God, he's referring to the kind of super conscious aspect of our being, whereas the conscious is our mind we're familiar with and the subconscious would be kind of on a soul level. So you think soul, individual, conscious individual, super consciousness is like we are all one. So when you can kind of replace that conception of being, it makes them a little bit easier, but I also then tend to abstract them into like taking away the word God, because I notice even in me, and I'm pretty damn accepting of all connotations relative to the divine, God has a resonance with it.

It has a tone to it that I'm not gonna deny, and I'm not gonna pretend like it's not there and just be like, whoa, okay. So I try to just integrate it in the best possible way. So one of the ones that I like to focus on is a very meta kind of skill, which I think is good, which is I have the power to create my own reality, and I use this power wisely to manifest my desires and goals. That's it. It's simple, it's to the point, it's reaffirming some aspect of creation that you are good at, and it's focusing it on things where you would naturally want achievement in those levels, so desires and goals.

Here is another one. Oh, it's the same one there I wrote.

So that's actually one affirmation.

Here's a good one. Yeah, it's, these are totally affirmations that are literally not meant to have me creatively express myself in a way where I'm just like free writing, like kind of in the artist way type thing. It is focused kind of like almost zen-like consistency in terms of writing down the way I'm feeling relative to what I want. So another one is like I am the source of my own supply. All of my needs are met at every moment of time and point in space, right? This is another one. Infinite intelligence guides me in all ways. God's riches flow to me freely, joyously, ceaselessly, I am advancing, moving forward, and growing mentally, spiritually, financially, in all other ways.

I'm just like right to the point with all of this shit. And then what I'm saying, like this is what I want to get across with like this type of exercise is, just as important as the writing of it down, it's recognizing your internal reactions to what you write down are.

That's what it's just wanted to say. You have like an emotional connection or something, right?

Yeah, you have to have an emotional connection and you have to also be aware if there's a little voice in your head that's going bullshit, not real, stupid, corny, whatever it is.

If that's true, why is my life like that?

Yeah, because you need that to be kind of a booster. And one of the things I write almost after every kind of like day's worth of doing this is all right. I know these truths are sinking into my subconscious mind and I know and believe they will grow and prosper in their kind, like basically just kind of advancing that way of thinking. Because it's one of the few things we actually like get to kind of communicate with our subconscious is like, this is one of the ways. There's a lot of other ways. There's music, there's arts, there's sex, there's all of these things. Sex is an incredibly powerful one.

And I mean, I'm sure most people notice the connection between kind of creation, yeah.

But I think most people don't really use sex in that way. I mean, it's less than a problem. I really, I mean, I think they can and they should. I mean, it's kind of what works based on really obviously. If people don't know, I'm a neurotic provider.

Yes, yes, your bias towards one direction but it doesn't make it any less valid. And it's super true, like it's also something that's we've talked about this plenty of times but like the taboo nature and kind of sex being suppressed as kind of an expression of life for such a long period of time.

Totally.

Naturally imbues it with kind of this power that's there. Yeah, I mean, it's there.

Yeah, I mean, there could be though, I mean, obviously with sex, I mean, and listen, it's kind of similar with the affirmations, right? There could be a lot of things that come up within you that happen through conditioning and through society and like maybe experiences that will keep you from being able to use your sexuality in this kind of life affirming way. Which then it's just like, it's actually nice if you start listening to yourself, right? Also same thing, like thoughts of shame and I don't know, self-sensoring and fear. All of these things you can work through, right? And you'll have to in order to get to a place to use sexuality in a transformative way.

But in that sense, it's just also a tool to growth and a tool to connection and a tool to get to know yourself better.

And a drive, like there are very few things in life that really kind of make up most people and regardless of how you're expressing that kind of drive or suppressing it, whatever it is, it's there. I mean, it's there. - Well, that's right. That's why it was used for oppression, right? Because it's so easy to handle most people, right? And yeah, of course, because it's one of the, I don't know, three things, like you breathe, you eat, you fuck, I don't know, you sleep.

It's an important part of life that, like even if you're having no sex and your views on it or as, you know, asexual as they come, it's still something you have to grapple with. It's still something that exists in the world.

And you still call it asexual, right? There's still a relation to it.

Exactly. - Yeah.

Exactly, like it's a thing that exists and your particular routes for engaging with it are up to you, obviously as an individual. But it's super powerful. And I also noticed that like, I mean, at least for me, I noticed that if I'm not in like a overall positive state of mind, where I don't feel like things are moving the way that they should be. And again, this is a mindset. This is something that I can send to, whether willingly or knowingly or not, my sexual drive goes way the fuck down. And it's not that it's just that is also something you can use as both a barometer and as a tool to kind of rev up other aspects of your life because it unleashes kind of like the fire or like the fire element that allows kind of things to get going and move in a lot of ways and like a very route primal level.

And that's like a really good catalyst for kind of getting energized about life. So there is this. - It is, it's an interesting thing because I think sexuality is always gonna be, or this is my, my theory anyways. I think it's a mirror of your emotional state always. As it is a mirror of your relationship with a partner, yeah, or several partners or whatever. But I think there's something after my breakup, well, whatever, it was difficult. But there was a phase like I'm a very sexual person in case nobody's hurt me before talking about it. But, and it's, and I've used my sexuality also and lots of like get in touch with my body and spirituality and like a lot of things.

But there was something about like, I was so heartbroken that like my body shut off and I was like, oh, oh my God, who am I? Like I, I was so confused. I was like, what's going on with me? I'm who am I? And then I started, I give myself a break because I think there's something about also accepting, you know, or like listening to needs. And if the need is like, hey, listen, right now you're not gonna have sex or right now you're not even gonna touch yourself. That's fine. And I think after a couple of weeks or three, it was three weeks I remember because it was like really so strange to me. And I was like, okay, what am I gonna do, right?

Even if I don't really feel like it, is there some ways that I can get in touch with me physically in order to soothe me to make myself feel good? And if that's only just like, oiling my body, right? Because I think there's something in like the spare or depression or something or a fear where you have out of body, right? You like, suppress a lot of-- Yes, yes, it is very outside. You're out of your body, totally. So in order to get back into myself, I started these kind of like breathing techniques and masturbation techniques where I started manifesting things in some kind of a sense. Kind of a mindful, mindful masturbation.

Like I didn't think about another person or watched porn or something. I was just like, okay, what if I start touching myself and I just think of like what's happening sensation wise, right? I'm like, oh-- Oh, like a real meditation? Yeah, just paying attention. Yeah, exactly. Same thing. Just paying attention to my body. I'm like, oh, okay, I feel it like tingling here. Oh, I feel nothing right now, feel numb. Okay, what if I touch this? So I went and did these places. And it was really wild because I started having-- It sounds so nuts, I don't know. But I started having like nearly like a little bit psychedelic visions, you know, in a sense of like, I was just getting into a place where it was more about colors and moving energy around within myself.

And it really helped me just to be there with me and start loving my body and get back into feeling, you know? So basically, you're telling me, you figured out a practice to get super high from masturbating. It's basically what I'm hearing. Basically, but it all came from like a strong brief, you know? It's super on brand. I mean, also just from like a real standpoint, that's fucking cool. I mean, I can tell you in all my years that I never thought to do anything even close to that. I mean, it's like, that's like a novelty almost to approach it in a different way, which is cool because again, this is something that like anyone theoretically has the power to do.

I mean-- - And it's so easy. It creates energy, it's so easy to think.

Yeah, of course, that's like what I don't wanna be lost here is like that aspect of kind of magical practices or manifestation or imagine, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, like that level of awareness is the place where you kind of like impregnate your thoughts with an idea or like thing that will be expressed. It's the same thing, I guess, is writing it down. So basically in this episode, you learn that you can now masturbate to manifest, that's clearly the name of this one. But I mean, that's dope. Like, I never, I know, I've heard of like sex magic in the sense of like, I know some of the Crowley stuff is like people will use orgasm.

I've certainly-- - Totally. But that's a little crazy. They're doing like orgies on like rituals.

That's like a whole ritualistic thing. But on the same level that if you've been with someone and you kind of do recognize like a very spiritual connection while you're having sex, that period for creation is clearly highly charged and brings forth like totally--

I mean, life for real, I mean in one sense.

Trust me, I'm familiar with that. Three children now, I am abundantly clear of the relationship between sex and children. I get it. - No, but I mean, it creates life and there's a life energy and sexuality anyways, right? There's something about it that's like life and death, right? Where it's such a primal aspect of being human. And I think, yeah, I mean, there's sex magic obviously. It's so interesting. I also had like a sex magic practitioner on the podcast last year because I was kind of interested because I started doing these things and I was like, what am I doing actually? You know? - Yeah, yeah.

And then see how other people use it that really ritualize it and really manifest it with like a goal. I didn't really do that. I mean, I use it more for myself and stuff. But I think that it's all legitimate, you know? In a sense that I think she described it as something like a spell, you know? A spell needs like energy, it needs intention. And so you can create that energy through chanting, but you can also create that energy through orgasm.

Totally. I mean, it is, it's undeniable. Even if you're super depressed, if you find the motivation to masturbate, you're gonna get a brief moment of relief at the very least.

If you can just touch yourself, right? I mean, I think there's such a restore shame and shame is only one thing, right? Grieve, anger, all these things in our bodies, right? So that's why sometimes I think with like affirmations and stuff, I try to feel things somehow in my body because when it gets too heady for me personally, I'm very, actually funny enough, a very heady person after talking about all those masturbation shifts. (laughs)

Well, that's the trick though, but that, but also what you're specifically talking about here is not just the act, the physical act is the connection between your mind, your soul, and the act. That's the thing that is the important connection there. So yeah, I get it. No, I don't think anyone is surprised that you're heady. I mean, we see, I've seen especially over just the episodes we've recorded, like you clearly have a very active and engaged mind and get joy from engaging with subjects that you get passionate about. That's a good thing, so I mean, it's pretty, it's good that you're finding these connections though between stuff that like, I never thought about really doing that at any point in my life.

I never would have, because for me, it was just--

You should try.

Yeah, clearly, I mean, I get it. It sounds, you don't, I am, you have to do it.

No, and see, it can be just like such simple. I mean, I think, I don't know with women, maybe we have like--

Yeah.

And a little bit more like nuance maybe and like building up orgasm, but maybe not, listen, I don't have a dick, so I don't know.

I think you definitely, no, no, it definitely seems to be.

Listen, you can teach yourself and browse yourself and don't even come, right? I mean, you have different ways and men can have multiple orgasms, right? If you train like, tantra, ask things, whatever. But I think it's mainly to touch yourself and get in touch with yourself in moments. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Yeah, being vulnerable and like, you know, you're alone, you can let it go. You don't have to be--

I mean, a lot of people don't even, I mean, a lot of women especially, or like vagina owners or whatever, haven't even looked at their vaginas, right? Or their vulvas, really, in their--

I would be fascinated. I would be fascinated if I had a vagina. I know that. I would be looking in there.

I know, but guys are so funny. I feel like I've heard so many times, you know, like I would touch my boobs all the time. I'm like, you wouldn't.

You probably would get bored of it after a while, but I can tell you that I don't want a vagina. I know that. Like I see the complication, the complexity of the vagina relative to the simplicity of the penis is like, there's no brain or choice there. If we're talking about going back to liking things easy, there's no frills with the penis.

Oh my God, that's hilarious. Now it's kind of a straightforward tool.

Mechanism, anyone can understand it. It's simple to understand. That speaks a lot to the consciousness of, you know, masculinity and being a male.

That's pretty funny, actually.

Yeah, it's similar. I mean, it has real clear--

Instructions. It's like no one's confused about what this is for. No one has been like, I don't get it.

Even though I find it like always fascinating when I, you know, a partner, like a friend, even, or I had talks with so many people about sexuality.

Yeah, of course.

So it was a thing to me, but just like the random shit that gets you guys aroused, you know, I just find funny sometimes. Like a friend of mine was like, you know, sometimes it's just like the way the leaves move and I'm just--

That's a horny motherfucker.

I'm like, I don't even know what's happening, but it's happening and I'm like, okay. Like I never, I mean, I always said this thing. Like I could be aroused by a white wall, you know? But really it's just my imagination. I don't look at the debris and get wet.

It's a movement, you know what it is? It's like a kink. It's like there's a movement in a certain area of the psyche and soul that is aroused. And like, I don't know, maybe you were like a leaf. A leaf once. And like, you know, like you're really getting turned on and that's why all leaves are just getting super horned up every time the wind blows, like we don't know. But I mean, like I do, I mean, everyone I think can also, every male I know can speak to just the randomness, especially like when you're going through puberty or like you're getting, like it's just like, it doesn't matter. I mean, it could be just pure like the stress of thoughts or things.

It's just you're just horned up. I mean, there's just--

Funny, because I think in relation, they say, I mean, listen, this is just statistically speaking and stuff, so everybody's gonna be different. But women need more context for their arousal, statistically speaking, than men.

I can speak to that for sure. 'Cause I do like really like in life, I really do appreciate nuance, subtlety, kind of just like deeper potential depth of impact and energy. But in sex, yeah, I mean, it's not, it's obviously a very powerful and it can also achieve that level of depth, but just very stupid things can make me horny, like just very stupid, like this is ridiculous type level shit. And I've literally laughed a few times after like jacking off to like some porn or something. And I'm just like, what are you doing? Like what? Like literally, it was an objectively like funny movie.

Porn is insane. Porn is so-- - It's crazy. It does something very strange to you. I feel like it's like, I feel like it's fast food or something, there's something so automatic. It's like pressing your button, you know? And you come and you're like, "Hey, why did I come?"

I mean, I grew, well, I've definitely laughed. I just remember laughing a few times, and you're like, "This is too funny." Like I don't know what-- - What kind of porn to do, what should I do?

I don't even remember that specific one, but it was something just probably so stupidly ridiculous that just like, you know, like a really crazy fat person, just like something like just like, but gross, like meant to be gross out stuff. And I'm like, how did I get here? Why is this happening? I followed a stray thought somewhere. And I'm like, this is like a woman crushing a man. I'm like, "Well, I don't even like this." You wanna hear really actually, I've told this before. Yeah, exactly, but like in a weird gross out way. And so like, I will tell you a really funny story. I don't know if I've said it on the show or to you before, but it's one of the like the defining moments of my college career.

So I went to a music school. One of our final projects in all of our various classes had to be kind of a composition for each class. And you had to record it, produce it, mix it, engineer it, put it onto a CD and then hit more thumb drive and hand that over to the professor. And so there is no shame if this is what you're into, I probably watched, you know, less than cumulatively, like 10 minutes of my entire porn watching career. But I had downloaded and stored some, like literally downloaded. This is back in the days, like early 2000, we had to download that. And you said CD, you know, I'm like, weird.

Yes, CD, it's like burning shit, exactly. So like, I downloaded it and it was pea porn. It was just a woman getting pissed on. And it's like, you know, standard prop fodder, like no shame at all. Somehow, and I shit you not on this CD that contained my music project folders, the pea porn got put on to the CD. So now you have to understand the situation, right? This is not intentional on my part. I hand this into this professor, I'll never forget it, it was my Indian music synthesis professor, he was an Irish guy. And I get an email back and it was like, you know, we need to talk. And I'm like, oh shit, like was this really good?

Was it really bad, like what is it? Like, you know, I didn't, it was like. So I go into his office and he's like, you know, you're gonna see what's on there. I don't know how it got, I don't know if this guy thought I was like hitting on him in some weird way. 'Cause I've included, which you would need to think from like his point of view is intentionally putting porn on a project folder, like how could it get in on there? You know, it was like recent downloads or something. It somehow got imported. But he must have thought that it might have been a mistake.

I, as soon as I get home, fire up the thing, realize what's on it, send him an email, like listen, dude. I don't know, like what, this is an accident. I was like, I'm not even, I don't even know if I, I know, I was like, I was trying to explain like what, I don't even like this, I'm, I was just like, he just takes on some shit. It is when he's thinking, I'm a psychotic person whose love of peaporn is so great that I have to share it with him, my professor.

Oh, you're like, this is my favorite.

Oh my God, it's so funny.

That is so funny, I'm a good story.

And I was like, holy shit, what the fuck is that?

What if he liked it eventually?

Oh, I mean, it could have got way darker, way weirder. I know that, I mean, I just, to me it was just funny that like something that like was not even like, or anything I really looked at, it was just like a curiosity. Somehow got put like shared with another person who there's no sexual relationship with at all. Like this is just like a, literally a professor at a music school. I would never think that's the person you share your sexual proclivities to.

I mean, I think I wasn't a woman, can you imagine?

Yeah, it's good he wasn't a woman. I mean, it's good that he wasn't a woman. It would have been definitely bad. Don't do that, double check, whatever you're putting in sending.

Definitely double check.

Oh my God, I'll never forget that. It's an incredible story, you have to say.

It's a good story, at least I got that of it. I mean, the amount of like, 'cause you just get blind, I think the times in life when you get blindsided with like something that happened is always like a unique experience. Like I don't usually get blindsided in like a crazy, whimsical way, but that was definitely one of those times. Kudos to him for reacting. I think that's the only way you can react in that situation. Like what else can you do?

I mean, you're just like, you just gotta hope that this person, you know, that that's fantastic.

Isn't it safe?

Yeah, but it probably, you know, depends on like how you were in class. You know what I mean, if you're already like a superior person.

I'm a normal person, yeah.

Yeah, super normal, like I was--

This person is super normal.

And you're like, okay, like this makes sense. If it's not a weird person, you're like, oh shit. Maybe we'll just--

Oh man, I wish I remember that. His first name was Kai. I wish I remembered his last name. I would send him an email and see him like, do you remember that time?

Do you remember that time I put people in? Like did you watch it?

I wonder how many clips did you get through? I've just taken a survey of all the people I by accident said people weren't doing in the past.

Oh my God.

But yeah, you know, the mind goes off on tangents and you get, you know, yeah, porn is nuts. It's just, there's no limits now. There's no limits. I grew up in the age where porn was just starting on the internet where it took like literally like an hour to download a JPEG that you could print out on the computer of like, one pornographic scene. Yeah, I was, no, because I was 12. I was 13, so this is like, you gotta remember, this is like 95, 96, it was born in '83. So I'm a little older, but like also like, I'm a young, horny kid who doesn't have the internet. I literally had like, my first experiences were playboy magazines and hotspots.

Like that's literally what was available. It wasn't around like the way it is now. The issue, I think, you know, I think there's something to be said about porn literally see, literally see that they're trying to teach in schools and like, I mean--

Schools, what schools?

Yeah, not very successfully. There was this like, high school in New York, was a big scandal, I think a year or two ago.

Oh no.

Where they did a porn literacy class and all the teachers or all the parents completely flipped out. But I think there's something to be said about that your teenage kid is gonna watch porn if you were like it or not. And like, to help them understand, you know, what that is and that it is fantasy and not reality and like, that it's male, cis-centric, right? Who is it made for, about representation? I think it's all very good for, I mean, okay, maybe people are gonna like, lynch me now. But I think the teenager is gonna watch it. So they better should know what it is about, you know? Or young adults, like life, you know, because depending on how much you watch it and like, but I think a lot of people learn through porn and it's not an educational tool.

Yeah, it's not an educational tool. I mean, you'll learn about yourself, you'll learn about where your mind will go.

You'll learn to be like, people are not on that.

There's a function to it. It's just, it is, it's so accessible now. There's no real barrier to entry. It can fulfill and kind of relegate a certain urge that can be very profound and useful in a lot of like real powerful ways in your life, some of which we've spoken about, but like, it can reduce it to a very unconscious, not productive result. And like, yeah, you could look at like coming as just like cleaning the pipes or whatever, but that's only true in a sense that there's like some recognition of what pipes you're cleaning. It's not just like, ah, pipe. It's like, isn't like, just like, there's this thing you're doing and now it's better.

It's like flushing something down the toilet, but like, that goes somewhere. It's filtered through something. There's a process here that exists. Be aware of what urges you may be kind of like satisfying and also if you can use it in an intentional way.

I mean, totally. I mean, I think this is about like living your life consciously or, you know, or not consciously as that one. In general, right? And so I think with intention, everything with intention will have like a different place. Right? I had this, this thought the other day. I mean, I think about like living sensually a lot, you know, like in some kind of a sense in love with the moment or with whatever it is, right? Like somehow, I know there's always like, I'm like, I make myself crack up sometimes because I give things emotional relevance, right? Like objects, for example or something where I'm like, oh, it's sensual, I can make my food just to like feed myself, right?

Or I can be sensual in it or like try to be sensual or intentional in that moment. Same thing with the masturbation I was just talking about, right? Like you said, you could just like fucking calm really quick because you want to sleep or whatever, which is totally fine. Or you can like try to see how your body feels. You can make a sandwich and like, I don't know, put no intention into it. Or you can.

Right. Right. Or make a good sandwich.

Yeah. - Or make a good sandwich. Who doesn't know that experience of like, really trying on a sandwich first, just doing the bare little mom.

I love the food. Sandwich is like the least sensual fucking food.

Is it, do you want to know what? You may knock the humble sandwich. There's few foods in my life that I enjoy as good as like a classic turkey sub. I will eat this shit out of a turkey sub and love that shit. I would put that in like my top five foods probably. It's not, it's not flashy, it's not, but in terms of consistency, and you can have a shitty turkey sub or you can have a good turkey sub. I'm with the stuff you like, or the stuff you really just need barely to call it a sandwich. Yeah, it's not fair enough analogy. I respect sandwiches enough to give them that honor.

But I mean, life is like that, no, I mean.

It is, and that's where we kind of look to, or at least I look to, like, I've created, and oh, it's 11-11 on 111. I just noticed that.

Really? - Yeah, yeah. You don't see that every day. But I have noticed like there is a real relationship between like just how you're feeling and what you want, the intensity of what it is you're doing and what you get out of life. Like I've really experienced some truly incredible, amazing things, but there have been times where I've felt like I have no ability or have no access to creation or being in resonance with my aspect of being, and it's at those times, and I try to remember two things. One is without that frame of reference, you don't have to take it to the extremes I do or you may at times, it doesn't matter, but without that reference point, you wouldn't know just how good and grateful you should be when things are really going pretty well or just what you think is maybe okay, maybe there's more to be grateful and appreciative of because I remember like one of the hardest trips I ever went through was like a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago at this point, where I took DMT, ketamine, nitrous, acid, cradum, weed, I was just going.

We're all together?

Oh my, yeah, all together.

Oh you're crazy.

Yeah, it was not smart. It was what you call very fucking stupid. I have like very deep reverence for psychedelics and like dissociatives and at that night, I was just like fuck it. I'm going as deep as I can, it was like, anyway, it did not end up well, but I remember as I was coming, yeah, yeah, what a surprise. I remember coming out of it and really being out of resonance with my being, being very suspicious, feeling very bad, feeling like out of alignment, feeling just kind of really off. And it took like five minutes, I wanna say, for me to really reintegrate into my natural sense of being.

And the first thing I could remember when I kind of like reconstituted this sense of identity or resonance I had was like, oh shit, thank God I live here. And not the place I just was. Like because if that's on the possibility of living in that way, like holy shit. And I'm pretty sure it's just a state of consciousness. It's not like some boring, crazy, magical thing that like I'm not gonna touch again. So I just kind of, I touched it and I experienced it and I think I actually got consumed by it and that kind of played out over the course of like a year or so in my life. And I didn't recognize that monster was just like an own internal aspect of my being.

Looking back, I can realize that at the time I had no idea what's going on. I thought I actually encountered like parasitic entities. Who knows, maybe also true, but anyway.

Who knows, yeah. - But the point, you know, but like the point is, is that the one thing I really have learned from that experience and being out of residence or feeling like you're not kind of clicking on all cylinders is there's benefits to those periods of time and one of those benefits is also being able to come out of it and experience that kind of rejuvenation process. That's something that really does always exist in part of our like spirit or soul or whatever you wanna call it. And learning how to do that in a gracious way is, you know, really important. Because you're, you will put yourself, and I do fundamentally think it's us as individuals kind of resonating with it.

You will put yourself through some gnarly fucking challenges in life because you are trying to uncover this innate power. And then it becomes more of a choice rather than kind of something where usher through. And I say this all the time, like, we're lucky to live here in temporal time where things are relatively stretched out and slow because if every thought we had was immediately expressed in that moment of time and space, we would not be enjoying ourselves. Like, that's a part of the thing. And it's really difficult. Yeah, but it's interesting because I think I agree with not even psychedelics.

I mean, I've taken quite a bit of psychedelics but like never, I'm so sensitive. I could never do what you did. Well, can you believe I haven't touched any of those substances since then? Really? Well, I had a little acid in Turkey but like, you know, not going that deep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Because I mean, it's just like, even when we were talking about that suicidal thought that I had last year. Yeah. And then talking to, you know, some people and hearing that that's a daily occurrence, you know, and I was like, oh my God. Like that can also be a thing, you know, that that is something that, and also people who have really, who've worked so much, you know, on themselves and their own consciousness and stuff and integrated it and learned from it.

But yes, to be able to have an experience that you then can come out of again, instead of that being your baseline, I mean, it's already something to be grateful for. Yeah, and it is. And even if it feels like maybe that's not where you are, that's where doing whatever practice, whether it's writing or masturbating or whatever it is, like it really taking the time to kind of like honor yourself in a way that allows you to intentionally focus on stuff. Sometimes it's effortless. Sometimes everything you're doing, you got the mightest touch and you're just like slaying it every which way. But it's important to understand that even if that's something you're familiar with and you've experienced or you're experiencing, having the knowledge and wisdom that you gain from like when that's not the case is equally if not more powerful because it gives you a tool in which to approach reality where like you're not at its mercy, which is the wrong impression to have 'cause it is not anything doing something to you.

It's you engaging with yourself, essentially. That is so crazy, right? Like I think especially when we go or when I experience something very challenging, right? To be then, to look at that aspect of it being like, oh wow, okay, so if I am putting myself through this, first of all, what the fuck?

It's not a fun feeling.

Yeah, second of all, it really takes, I mean, it took some time for me to like see aspects of it and be like, oh, okay, I get it now or this is what I can get out of this, you know? And then it's very powerful, like you said, because I think, unfortunately, through pain, baseline humans learn more than, you know, if everything's just like going smoothly or something.

It has to be, whether it's pain, there has to be some type of friction or dissonance.

Yeah, it's okay, it doesn't have to not work.

You wouldn't have the ability to recognize resonance without it, like that's unity. That's just like super omnipresent, omnipotent, like view of time and space and reality. That's not what we're experiencing. We are an aspect of that. We are that as well. It's not that that's not our innate natural sense of being. It's just like, we're not gonna kid ourselves and walk around and pretend that we don't, you know, identify as something. Like we're here in the story of our lives, like whatever narrative we're subscribing to, like it is a reality. For now, while we have this perspective, so, I mean, the ability to kind of shape that in a helpful way is something that I ultimately believe is possible for everyone.

And even if it doesn't feel like that at certain points, just recognizing or doing the smallest of things to kind of remind yourself of that is actually a very powerful and transformational act because you're probably gonna need it at some point in your life.

Oh, for sure. Everybody will, right? And like whatever, it will look like, it will look different for everybody. But I mean, everybody has strong challenges and tests and, you know.

Yeah, and like a card that's been coming up a lot has been the nine of Wands, which is the card of like, the dude having the shit kicked out of him and the bandage around his head. And it's like, he's like still standing and like he's like holding this wand and he's like, "Oh, I'm still here." You know, and it's like, it's one of my favorite cards because it's like, it's a state of consciousness that like a lot of people can identify with that one point or another in their lives. It's like, "Ugh, I just been through the fucking ringer," like emotionally or professionally or just like whatever issues financially, whatever you're dealing with in your life at any given time, everyone can relate to that.

But it also does affirm that state of being, which is like, you're still standing. Like you're not dead, you're not on the floor, not as who you are. So I do think that like, hopefully, I think Mars retrograde ends tonight, which has been in retrograde for like, seemingly forever. It is still Mercury retrograde, whatever. But I mean, you know, that--

What is Mars retrograde?

Yeah, it's a really good question. So Mars retrograde is, Mars is the planet of ambition, movement, it is also the planet of passion. Conflict can be war if we're thinking, if we're thinking in like Greek mythological terms, like Aries, God of War, associated with Aries, also the planet, the ram, the fire sign. So when it's retrograde relationships, this can be intimate and otherwise are often unstable, I should say, like they may feel that more conflict can arise, but it's also a time for reviewing those periods of your life, right? So like the relationships that you're in or have been in, like there may be a lot of reflection there, but yeah, things can get confrontational at times.

You can feel kind of out of whack as it relates to other people. It can certainly like slow down various things you may have been working on or wanting to come to fruition. And you know, it's been about a month and a half, it's not been forever, but just as an energy, if you kind of are in that realm, it certainly has kind of challenged things at times.

It's always good to take off the challenges.

Yeah, I like when planets move forward and then get on with their lives and they don't have to hang out.

Seriously.

I'm looking at you Mercury. It took down the fucking, all of the flights today. They got canceled.

Oh my God, that's true. I saw that.

That's the most classic Mercury. And it's not internet, it's just departure. Like you can't locally leave where you are. That's what Mercury is interfering with. It's like, now you're gonna stay here. It's been a real mother fucker, this Mercury retrograde. I'm not gonna lie.

How long is it been? And when's it over?

It's only been like a week. It's like we're in like another like three, it's like forever, seemingly forever. And like, you know, we blame a lot of stuff on it, but I do think it speaks like the power of astrology is just a modality that a lot of people who take the time to kind of consciously look at what tools we have to reflect on ourselves and the nature of consciousness. Like the stars are pretty good ones. Like they do exist. They are being upheld by some level of consciousness. I don't think it's totally random. I don't think it's just like, oh, the random stuff exploding. And then we find, well, they're still there.

They're fixed in thousands of years of consciousness with people, that it's gonna have some metaphysical, you know, result. So I would get-- - Oh yeah, even if it's as simple as like the moon affects the tide. So why should we somehow be affected by--

I mean, the planetary-- - Doing stuff with our physical planet and the energies from these planets, I think. I like to do it from an archetypal sense. I always tell people this. I mean, I know in our readings too, I always try to remind people like, this energy is you. It's not like there's some outside force exerting its will. So when we say Mars is retrograde, it's the relationship between that particular energy and your own perspective in life. You may have had the most productive, you may have been signing deals, you know, getting happily married, whatever it is, within a Mars retrograde period.

They're not exclusionary. It's just that energy as like a theme for the world that we choose to be aware of. You know, you can use that as a kind of tool within your own being to gain insight. Like that's all these things should be in my mind. They're ways to gain insight into the nature of our consciousness, which seemingly creates our reality. So it's useful. - Absolutely.

Cool. Well, thank you for coming on. I mean-- - Thanks for having me. So lovely to be here. - Been super fun. I'm glad to catch up. Let's also catch up off air too. I wanna hear everything that's going on, but I know we were talking briefly about it just before we go that you do have a podcast pussy church. You haven't done it in a few months, but we were talking about just kind of not the challenges, but the ways of kind of like maintaining and sustaining a creative project that is done in a certain way and trying to make sure you find the right kind of passion to be able to do it because it's not something that like, you know, we're doing for immediate financial gain or like even like social gain.

It's just something we like to do. So what, I mean, we didn't speak about, but I know that you do have plans to bring something like that back in some format when you kind of get energized to do it.

Yes, it's actually, I mean, it's somehow in the works. I mean, there's a couple of things in the works in general that are super exciting. I can't really say so much about it, but I think with the show, yes, I'm gonna bring it back. And if I've already started working on it a little bit, it's gonna have a little bit of a different format and maybe some of that, like, you know, mindful masturbation is gonna come in kind of as well and some erotica for sure because I did some episodes before where I was reading erotica a lot, I mean, semi-live, I guess. And so I think it will go a little bit in that direction.

So people have some tools maybe to get in touch with themselves.

You know, also, I was thinking you could, 'cause I'm doing a lot more streaming. You could just do like the see a thing where you stream, but are turned the other way. And like, no one will ever see your face, but you can still do streams. I just feel like as a media platform, I stream on Twitch, and then if Twitch is down, I'll do YouTube, but Twitch, if you do the live streams and don't keep them up as archived episodes, but you can still download the files from the stream, but you don't get hit with copyright for music, for just whatever it is you may be doing. So I don't think that's like a sustainable approach to streaming, but as an initial approach where you kind of are just trying to express yourself in a way that like feels authentic, I find it to be a little more suitable.

I think Amazon owns it and they just pay all the copyright claims that come through, so it's like, all right, whatever.

Okay, I'll do that. - Yeah, that's cool. That's good to know.

That's a lot of fun things.

People can find you on Instagram, Tails, where else tell people where they can find and engage with what you're doing? 'Cause you have to be connected.

Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram, Tails of Lara. I have a website, Tails of Lara dot com. There you can buy my erotic poetry book. A lot of other things, like fun things, like erotic puzzles, like some merch, some other erotic magazines done by incredible artists. From all over the world, a Brazilian one, one from the UK. Yeah, just like real cool community. So yeah, come by and check it out. And pussy church, obviously, there's tons of episodes you can listen to when you haven't stirred it yet and it'll come back.

Awesome, this has been super fun. And thanks for doing this. I know it's like later in the day for you there now, so.

It is right now, but it's not that late and it's always amazing to talk to you. So thank you all. - Cool, thank you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ Nothing weak ♪

Hope you enjoyed that episode. It was fun. Go check out Lara on Instagram and she, like I said, she has her podcast, Pussy Church. She'll be doing that soon. You know, sometimes I gotta do stuff to say, engage. And everyone deserves to take a break and find their kind of inner voice and share that. A reminder, if you've listened this far, I think you probably liked it. Go check us out on Patreon. That's patreon.com/synchronicity. There are bonus episodes, bonus content, live streams, music, all the fun stuff that you wouldn't hear on this version of it. Yeah, it's fun. Keep up with your writing shit down in your notepad.

It's fun stuff. It's good times. It really does work. Use it in tandem with a lot of other techniques you're using, but we're doing some shit. Happy Mars retrograde ending. Sorry, we're still in Mercury retrograde. I don't control the planets as far as I know. Probably do, who knows? Okay, until next week, happy imagining. The savings are here. Happy birthday, America. It's America's 250th birthday. We're celebrating all month long at Nielsen Chevy. By giving you freedom of choice. Save up to $250 off service. Save up to $250 off accessories. With leases for $250 or under. Perry to Route 46 and Dover.

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