Surfing The Mystic with Pea The Feary

(upbeat music) Welcome to Synchronicity. This week, my guest is the lovely and awesome Pea the Fairy. You can find her on Instagram at Pea the Fairy. Go to her website, PeaTheFairy.com. If you don't know her, buckle up. She's super cool, Pea has an amazing ability to kind of translate the skills and mindset needed to, as she would put it, play the game of life. And she just does it in like an authentic and cool way. One of the best things about her is she has an incredibly low tolerance for doing things or being a part of things that she doesn't like, which sounds kind of like, oh well, you should do things you don't like to expect.

No, you shouldn't. You should do what you like to feel inspired and good in your life. And Pea just has an incredible capacity and ability to kind of harness that energy and help other people. If you're a creative or someone who's just into the woo stuff and you just want no nonsense, bullshit, no bullshit, Pea's your girl. Pretty far ranging topic here, our conversation here. It's pretty good. A reminder, the patreons go on strong. We're doing the imagination illumination, which I regret calling it that name every time I say it. Very dorky, but very cool. We're writing our journals. We're doing that on the Patreon.

We're doing live streams every Thursday. And coming up, we're gonna have a music production live stream for Patreon. So that's patreon.com/synchronicity. If you're interested, other than that, we're just having a great time. Yeah, so I hope you enjoy this episode. I'll see you on the flip side for some other stuff, but until then, here is Pea, the fairy. But I'm just recording 'cause I've forgotten to do that more times than I would like to admit. So I'm excited to talk today for a bunch of reasons. One is, you know, when I was thinking about it, 'cause like we've done each other for a few years now, and I like everyone else have seen you kind of like, I don't know if there's another word, but like blossom or like embody your like higher self.

Like so like out there for people to see, but then also kind of like have major, you've looked at your process for being able to do that. And then also like systemize it and kind of break it down to like really help other people, which is, you know, I practice a lot of what you kind of have laid out for people instinctively, but my ability to kind of like write it down or like break it down for people comes in spurts. It's not like this ability to have, but I'm like incredibly impressed with yours just because you've done it in such a, like the way it's supposed to be done and like a cool way, you know what I mean.

(laughs)

It's actually, okay. So I was, I talked to Jaleesa Sypress, I'm not sure if you know Jaleesa, but she's been on Justin's podcast a few times.

Yeah, private pod, any public, I think. Anyway, so I'm Jaleesa about it that like, it can be a little bit annoying because of my brain. It's constantly processing my process, but it's also, it's also telling me how to disseminate it at the same time, and it's, I don't know. It's like I have two streams running, one that's telling you what to do, and then one that's telling me how to tell other people to do, and it's very interesting. And sometimes I have to like shut the one off that's like, here's how, you express this to others. I'm like, hey, can I, can I be here first?

Yes.

And then, and then I can do that after. So I have to like remind myself to kind of not be a translator all the time.

Right, I actually have a friend to Asia who's like a really good, she's a medium, and she like talks like, you know, energies and stuff. And she literally, when she's channeling or like really getting in contact, she'll whisper something very quietly, which is the voice that you're kind of describing, that second voice, like saying what it is. She'll whisper that and then say it aloud, like in her voice. And it's like, she literally, you watch that process unfold and listen to it unfold. I mean, I think a lot of people know what you're talking about because like when you really do kind of like unveil certain aspects of reality, you do notice these kind of concurrent and like going on at the same time, trains of thoughts and ideas.

And you know, it becomes a more observable phenomena. And how we each engage with that, I think at a certain point, is like our own choice and our own kind of like comfort level. But you know, it's funny to hear you describe it as kind of annoying. I mean, I get that, I totally get that. But you know, I've talked into a microphone long enough that like inevitably you bump into that thing. And it's like, what is that? Like shut the fuck up, I'm trying to think. Yes, share my perspective. Yeah, it's great. I love it. I'm so grateful, so infinitely grateful. But it is sometimes like, hey, I would like to not be in teacher mode.

Thank you. I just want to exist. That would be great. And like be a person and like not have to be like, well, I mean, this is just like one of the peril. I don't want to say perils, but it's something like, you know, I took a pretty long, okay, I will also say this. There's a point in time, at least I found for myself, that like I'm more effective at like spreading the word or like letting people know that, hey, listen, like you really do embody everything you possibly need to like achieve your ideal of what life is and feel like that and feel good and like react well in situations. And you know, listen, there's always bumps along the road, but generally be able to like choose like the way you put it, like play the video game of life.

I started this book by, do you know who Florence Scoville Shin is? No. Oh my God, you're going to love her. She was like 19 mid 1920s writer. She wrote a book called The Game of Life and How to Play It. And it's super dope. It's in, yeah, yeah, I know you like it. And like it's incredibly like, I know from just like reading a lot of like theosophical and like philosophical stuff, like the mystic wu stuff, there's not a ton of women authors back then. Also like it's like a pretty, she's like the younger sister of like Neville Goddard and Joseph Murphy. That's kind of what it feels like and like the best possible way.

And a lot of it really does boil down to the same concept, which is just like, listen, you're running the show here. The ideas that you can send to subconsciously and unconsciously really are dictating your life. And then how we as individuals go about like discovering that and utilizing that is kind of the trick. You definitely have identified like a bunch of tricks and are incredibly adept at sharing though. So like in your life, like obviously I know this, like we can't live like that all the time in the mode where we're like telling people how to hack their lives. But you have kind of weaved it into like you do help creatives.

You do help people looking to kind of like, you know, make friends with threshold guardians or like overcome obstacles or whatever we want to call it. Like you do help people do that. I mean, so like where do you draw the line in terms of like, you know, I'm doing this for my own life. This is something that is fun for me. But clearly at times like it's not always fun for this stuff for us. Like I had to take like a six month break from just talking about this shit publicly because I was like, listen, I'm just doing a parody of myself at a certain point. And it's like I don't want that to be like if I'm not feeling it, if I'm not, you know, really resonating at that frequency.

So like what, what do you kind of do to like mitigate that or like feel kind of like in tune with yourself to be able to, because like you aren't there's it's undeniably like you're very effective at this like it shines through just in like basic stuff you put on Instagram in terms of post like it's very clear. So like how do you kind of like deal with that? Are you dealing with it? Well, I guess this is the first question. And then how do you deal with it? I feel like, okay, so I feel like I do it really well, mostly because I more and more I don't do things out of obligation. And like I've and in the beginning when I first started like sharing what I was experiencing and talking about things.

I felt kind of a pressure that I put on myself to like help a lot. It was like I really need to help. And then I had to ask myself, I'm like, where is that like need to help coming from? Right. And then I realized that it was actually attached to guilt. And I'm like, oh, like I don't like doing things from guilt gross. So I made it so that if I can feel myself taking action from guilt, I stop. I'm like, whoa, no, no, no, that's that's not real then. Like it's not actually who you are. It's someone who does things because you feel guilty. And so I only show up when it feels exciting. I only answer questions when it feels exciting.

I'm really particular about like who I actually work with and talk to one on one because I realize it can be extremely draining to talk to people that I don't want to talk to. So yeah, everyone who's ever done any type of energetic reading or work knows the feeling of like, why do I just feel like I just got like the life sucked out of me? And it was like a conversation. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And so I I'm just and I realize I'm so particular about how I interact and who I interact with. And so I think that like because I'm so particular and I like, I'm like, what is the word? Cutthroat is not the right word, but it's like I don't do things I don't want to do.

And because I'm so intense about that, I think most people kind of respect my space. And so I show up when I feel like it and when it feels good. And then when I don't want to, then I don't. And so it mostly feels good to do that. The time when it's the most irritating is when I'm getting a really great download for myself. And then my brain automatically is trying to translate that into words that people would understand. And I'm like, hey, wait, wait, don't do that yet. Like, let me write the download for you to understand first. And then later on, if it feels exciting, then let's translate it for the general public.

Because the language that I speak with God is not the language that I speak with the general public. So I need time in between those translations, which is my notes app is great for that. Because I'll just like express out the symbols that I'm receiving. And I'm like, later, you can look at this later. Yes. And then translate it. I was, you know, I like, I like that you said that when you're talking to God that's like, if we share and I've done this and it's a terrible mistake, if you share the God voice as it comes into you to other people, they're probably going to think you're crazy. Because it's literally not meant for, it's not some of the things that come through.

Like, all right, really, and really it is like an experience thing. And translating that into words is a useful tool for us. It kind of bridges the gap between that like super conscious and conscious mind, right, through the subconscious. Like, it allows us to kind of interpret feeling sensations, ideas, downloads, energies, and then translate that into either archetypes, myths, stories, narratives, logic, whatever it is, and then allow that to come through our voice and words and whatever is super. Like, that's, it's important to recognize that stuff too. Because like, we can, you can get lost in the sauce super easy with any of this stuff.

Because it's really, you know, it's tapping into aspects of being that are not traditionally understood or spoken about at least recently. Yeah. And like, I feel like when you give yourself time to like, really get it inside of your body, when you speak about it and translate it, it's coming from a very grounded, um, solid place. And I love that feeling. I don't like the feeling of, uh, like being airy when I talk. I don't enjoy that. But I do really like feeling very grounded and solid and earth like when I speak and very practical. Um, and like logical almost, I'd say, um, when I'm talking. So it feels good to get it into my blood and my bones first.

And then speaking of voice that I feel comfortable speaking with. Yeah. It's like letting the lightning rod hit the ground, but it's like grounded, like a pole, a metal pole, but it's grounded. Yeah. Actually like harness the energy instead of just getting like zapped and like, that's a super good point too. It's interesting you mentioned your notes app because I've like this past month, um, on the podcast. I've been doing this, what I call dorkally imagination illumination, which is just essentially writing in a journal for 28 days straight. A lunar cycle. That's it. And this would be anything ranging from kind of like affirmations or, uh, just, uh, desires, goals.

And the point isn't necessarily to like have those things come true and like be like, wow. And like, you know, often they do. Let's not dismiss that. But it's to notice your reactions internally as you write down things that you don't necessarily believe and aren't really seeing evidence of, you know, with your senses and that skill alone. Like I found, and I did this out of necessity because I had kind of like, I went through like a relatively dark period of feeling like overwhelmed and just like out, life had kind of like spun out for me for like at least a year and a half. And I was like, all right, listen, what was I doing when shit just felt like it was flowing and clicking in like a healthy and positive way?

And I was like, I was writing in a journal every day. And I was like, holy shit, like I stopped doing that. I mean, I stopped doing a bunch of things and it was kind of a combination of all those things. But that was such an easy and simple one that immediately I noticed in like transitional states, the power of that. So can you talk a little bit about like just like the notes app or just like whatever that process is for you and like how you utilize that? Yeah. So I'm someone who definitely gets downloads or like I'll see something and then I'll hear I guess I like to call it God. I see something and I hear God or I receive an image and I can feel like a sensation like it's like important alarm goes off in my body and I'm like, oh, okay, yes.

And I'm like, write it down now. And so I have to I like to use voice to text is that what it's called? I can't remember it's it's when you're bored and then so I like to do that because I can't type fast enough for the words to come up like I can't type fast enough. So I like to just speak into the notes app whenever I get one of those things and I just put it aside and I live my life. And then usually later on, maybe a couple of days go by or maybe even like a couple hours go by or something like that and it's just in my body. And then I will hear art for it or I'll see art for it. And then I'm like, oh, great.

So now it's ready to be shared in some in some format. So that's kind of how I do that. And I also I like that you talked about like how you are actually feeling about the things that you are like wanting your desires or what you're calling in because I feel like it's so easy and it's really it's strange to say this, but people who are doing this work, including me, it's so easy to ignore how we feel about our desires because we just assume like, yeah, of course, like I want that or like, duh, like it's we kind of we have a bunch of assumptions about our desires without actually thinking about how we feel or paying attention to how we feel about them. And so things like that, remember, whenever I remember like, hey, how do you actually feel about this thing that you're asking for? Sometimes I'll write that down.

Like, do you believe that it's possible? Does it freak you out? Like, do you feel safe actually experiencing this thing checking in with myself and then actually measuring whether or not I feel connected to that desire periodically? I like to do that too. Yeah, that makes like a ton of sense because if you're not doing that, you're not really keeping yourself honest and like the the rote repetition or skill doesn't make the thing work. If it did, trust me, the world would look like a different place if you could just like repetitively in mind like computers would be sentient already in this timeline. Like because that's all they do is repeat stuff. So it's like, this is this is like a critical kind of thing. Like a lot of people, I think when they they think about the issues in their life that seem persistent or the things they can't overcome or the things that are kind of like taking up more space in their mind that they would like, they don't realize they're unconsciously and subconsciously kind of consenting to that.

And it is a narrative that's running around in their recesses of their mind. And one of the ways we can kind of get in touch with that is by noticing our reactions to things that we prompt ourselves to look at. And that's like, it seems simple, but you know, not to like actually really love social media and modern technology. I'm not someone who believes it's like kind of the erosion of our future, but it is a very external facing thing in terms of how we engage with it as consumers or people watching something or listening to something. And we do miss that kind of reflective process of artists are familiar with this, creatives are familiar with this because it's it's like a it's a you have to do it. If you don't do it, like your life just gets bad and uncomfortable and like it doesn't feel right. So it's this compulsion kind of to create stuff. But if you're not someone who's naturally creative in that sense, at the very least, you can be creative in terms of your life, which is like really more of a creative work than any art piece someone's going to do. It's like, really, your life is an ultimate creative work. But that reflective ability to notice your stuff, you have to like tease them out, basically, because we do we go on autopilot and we forget this shit. And I think it's also a shared collective experience from what I've noticed, like a lot of people go through this at similar times. And I try to be as much in tune with the macro as the micro. And you know, that that definitely seems to be a theme for people who have incarnated in this kind of experience. But it is so easily lost. I mean, it is fucking crazy. I feel like that's also why we need each other, because when I when I make art, I every now and then I feel like, okay, you need to ask them a question, because the question engages them with the game again.

And I feel like a lot of people can feel like empowered by what I'm saying, but I also like, but I need you to engage with yourself. So ask this question to you. And the people are like, Oh, whoa, I have and I'm like, yes, like, it's super simple questions that I receive. But it's like, you needed to talk to this part of yourself that you forgot about. And I feel like we do that to each other all the time where we're like, wait, hold on, we have to look at something actually. And so I feel like it's something that motivates us to connect with others, I feel. Yeah, I think that too. Automatic things.

Yeah, because if you don't, you just get too focused. Like, this is this really interesting dance that I find kind of happens with, I do this a lot where like, listen, you are the central point of focus for your reality, period, you can't really even deny that like it is you looking out. However, it's also impossible to not deny there is this thing that we like to call external reality and we engage with it, whether this is other people or things that we're doing or physical places or whatever it is, drugs even, like, this is something we're engaging with to be able to kind of know that that ultimately is a self created thing, but is created in a sense that everything you experience is part of that thing. So it's not really separate. So you can engage with it as like, kind of an other type of thing, but ultimately it's your feelings about this game or this reality or whatever it is that really dictates the shape of it. And it's easily noticeable if you start paying attention and like in a weird way, you can't go back and maybe like rely on stuff that like, you know, like superstition and like lucky charms and things like this, like I do not deny any of that power. Like I'm a football fan, I have a lot of like reverse jinx things that I need to do given time to make the dolphins not completely rip my heart out. But at the same token, like, I recognize that like, that's not the thing itself. And so if you can have that healthy respect for like taking accountability and responsibility, and like one of the things you mentioned and like, I noticed you really like embody and get this idea is not doing shit that you don't want to do, not in a childish childish selfish way, although sometimes you feel like that for me. But just literally not having the patience or tolerance to do those things really keeps you aligned with what energizes you and allows you kind of like to be the person you want, which I think a lot of people that guilt thing is like super important where you were talking about because, you know, operating from there is basically is useless of a endeavor as you can do.

Yeah, and I feel like I had a crash course in that because I was raised by the queen of guilt tripping like she's she's so good at it. So good at it. And I was like, I'm pretty sure she gave birth to me so that I could be her personal weapon. She's like, I'm gonna give birth to a Scorpio Virgo Virgo, because I know what's funny is, I forgot not to interrupt you, but I forgot your chart and I was like, you know what, everything she's saying, I know she's Scorpio, but it sounds like Virgo, Virgo, like all this earth shit and roundedness and attention to detail, but also this like radical transformation thing and the rebirth stuff. I'm like, I don't know, I didn't want to like go out on a limb and just like start acting about astrology, but holy shit. Yeah, okay, adds up. Yeah, and my chiron, my chiron's in Virgo too. So I'm pretty much a bro. What house? What house? First house, because of course, of course, of course, right. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So yeah, I'm pretty much like half Scorpio, half Virgo, and my mom has six signs and Pisces. And so she would kind of like melt her obligations into my body. And at some point, it's like, I was like, okay, hold on, I'm becoming an extension of you. And I'm very much not that actually. I'm, I'm a separate being. I'm a separate individual. And I kind of didn't realize that until I was around like 24 ish. Yeah. And then when I did it, I was like, Oh, I'm done. And she was the only person I actually like had deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, like guilt attachment to. And so when I like kind of severed the guilt attachment to her, I was like, Oh, I can do this with anyone, anywhere, anytime. And so now it's once I notice that I'm doing something at a deal, I'm like, Oh, no, done, cut like in a, and I'm like, okay, cool, not doing that again. That's like, but that's like a healthy and it's also like you've, you've just negative reinforcement worked there in a sense, right? I mean, like you did get the experience of exactly what you didn't want. You're like, fuck this, like I'm not operating from that space. So in like, a weird way, and like the parental relationship is one of the weirdest, because like, I don't know, there are people who seem like they only have nothing but harmonious loving relationships with all their parents all the time. That's not been my experience throughout my entire life. It doesn't like I love my parents. I live close to my parents. I rely on my parents in a lot of waves. But like, yeah, it's a difficult situation. But they can teach us like such powerful lessons about potentially what not to do and what not to be. And like what does work like it is, it is like, I like that you said once I can deal with this relationship, everything else is cake. He's like, I saw the mother the mother issue. So it's awesome. That's amazing. Yeah. So like, I don't, I feel like sometimes people, most people are pretty like chill about how militant I am about not doing things I want to do. But sometimes people are like shocked by like, I won't even drive more than 17 minutes, because I'm like, if you don't ever ask me to drive that far in your life, ever ask me to do that. My friends are like, you really are serious about that. I'm like, yeah, no, either going to go pick me up, we're going to get me an Uber or my partner's going to drive, but I will not. I refuse. And they're like, okay, why don't you like driving away? Why don't you like driving over seven? That's the threshold. And then I love, I love to give it. I love that you know that I as someone who drives about 17 minutes every day, multiple times a day in every direction. That's literally by the way, like literally the time it takes me to go 90% of the places I go to, which is hilarious to me.

I like, I like, but you could put on music, like you don't like driving and like rocking out. I mean, I've smoked, I've hotboxed cars since I was like a teenager. So it holds a special place. But I love that you know that it's 17 minutes. That's fun, actually. It's like, it's pretty fun up until that point. And then I'm like, I'm bored over it. Like his ride sucks. I'm all want to get off, round trip this thing. It's 17. I love that. That's amazing. But yeah, like, I mean, people do react to that kind of it's not rigidity. It's just like really knowing what your boundaries are and how to kind of stay in resonance with what's important to you. So like, let's say someone, like obviously we don't, I'm saying this, I'm guessing for you, but we don't really hang around with people who challenge those boundaries in a way that feels uncomfortable, because it's like, why would you put up with that? But every once in a while, someone slips through the cracks and that happens. And like, do you just energetically deal with it at that point? Do you like, I've, I've been taken for loopy loops at various points in my life, not often, but like, you know, we're energetically, because like this does require a degree of sensitivity to it. Like it's like, you really do have to be open to energies and kind of feelings and things that aren't necessarily like a parent or like perceived with our senses. Do you, have you ever found like doing some of like the work that you do or just people who find you and resonate with what you're doing that you kind of have to set a firm or boundary and like, how do you do that? Yeah, every now and then, um, I, it's mostly energetic. Uh, and sometimes like I'll experience something and I have to ask myself because I can feel the like, I have to save or health or like do something about this.

And I check in and I'm like, hey, do you want to? Um, and then when I'm like, no, and I'm like, hey, what's that feeling? Why are you feeling that like compulsion? Then what is the, and I'm like, well, I will feel guilty. I'm okay. What's through to that? And I'm like, oh, they're going to think of a bad person. I'm like, okay, cool. Do you care if you think you're a bad person? I'm like, oh, wait, no, okay. And then usually by the time I get to that, like people like deal with it themselves. Um, that tends to happen. And then every now and then, probably like once or twice a year, I have to tell someone like, Hey, if you want help with this book, a session, don't ever DM me again. Don't do that. And then it's like, right. Then they're like, Oh, I totally understand it. I'm like, great, glad no one's ever mad. No one's ever mad. No, at least in my situation.

I mean, I do think that this is kind of like something that you can learn from that where it's like, this is you setting boundaries for yourself more. You're almost compelling the person who DMS you or like does the thing that's like definitely like overextending the boundaries of what the relationship is supposed to be and what you signed up for or didn't sign up for. You know, that's to show you because like, theoretically, I always think about this, like, I should have way more nuts people, I feel like just like holding me for the thing, but it really doesn't happen. Yes, I mean, y'all are so normal and great. And there's literally thousands of people that I'm interacting with on a basis and I'm like, y'all are so chill. This is insane. I like, I don't, this is crazy, but it's, but it's not that you get it. You get it. You get it. You, you, you, you, I mean, one of the things we're talking about here is like, you understand what the relationship is between how you feel, what you're doing, what you want and kind of how you feel fulfilled and good in life. And that really is like taking ownership for that. And it, even if it seems kind of like, like crazy at times because, you know, it is kind of like an alternate way of looking at the stuff that the proof is in the pudding as like, I always used to like to say with this shit. Like you can't argue with the results of taking the inner responsibility for this stuff. And like, it is nuts. I always wonder like, you know, I think also because like, listen, at the end of the day, someone booking a session with you or booking a reading from me, they're not paying us to do something for them. They're honoring the energetic kind of like time and space and relationship to money to kind of help them see that like, you got this shit. Like we'll do this any number of ways until you really understand that like, this is a thing that you ultimately kind of take responsibility for. And when you start kind of asking yourself the type of questions you ask yourself, is this going to make me feel guilty? Why will this make me feel guilty? Is this something I want to do? By the time you go through the sequence and like resolve those kind of inner knots, the external situation tends to resolve itself because you're getting closer to kind of like, what was going on there? Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah, it's really dope. All right. Well, I wanted to also ask you, like, what are you like tuned into the macro at all of like, what's going on with the collective and kind of just the experience? You're micro, right? You're like attention to detail, relationship focus. Like, do you even engage with like outward media at this point? Like, what is your like, like, what does that look like for like, what are you doing? Like, what are you paying attention? Sometimes like, I'm on Twitter, so I see things that happen on Twitter.

I don't really watch the news or like, does anyone from my generation watch the news? I don't think so. No one's watching the news. But I am on Twitter and I like, I watch things that I observe, but also my brain. Okay, I don't know how to explain this, but it's, let's translate, do the thing. So time for me, time is always happening. And what happened in the 1800s is happening now, energetically. And so to me, like, there's nothing new. I don't know. That's just what my body feels is like, there's nothing new. I don't know why we're shocked. And so I just don't get that shocked because I'm like, this happened already, like, thousands of times.

And what are you talking about? I don't know how to do industrial anything. Any energetics has already happened. Totally. And so can you talk about the 1800s thing, though, because like, do you mean, like, technologically or just energetically, this is a cycle in time in, energetically, so it feels like definitely energetically, like the symbols that this event or this good or bad event, the symbols that it's expressing out into the world. It's already happened before we've already expressed these symbols before, which you just keep doing in new, like, new looking ways. But there's a certain amount of, like, repetition that, to me gets old to like constantly look at. And I'm like, looking at things close up is much more interesting for me personally. Well, that makes sense. Your Virgo energy too, with like, although also finding the kind of recreative principles and like the kind of transformation principles and that makes sense a lot for your, I got to see your chart. It makes perfect sense. Yeah, I mean, to me, I look at it because I just like, I very much do resonate and kind of get plugged into these macro events. Like, it just feels like there's still some connection in terms of my interest to do that, even though I don't even necessarily understand why at some points. This I pulled away at various points in my life and been perfectly content and happy. But that relationship seems to be one where like, this idea that you're talking about looking at things on kind of a relationship basis or like the micro, that seems to be the macro trend. It literally seems to be kind of like pointing the eyeball back at the self in terms of being like, this is what you need to deal with now. If you want to engage in this type of reality, it just that's kind of the energetic things. It feels like for me, at least it's definitely makes sense. That doesn't really make sense. And I think that's just like, for me, like, I don't like being bored. And so I get bored when I'm too zoomed out, which is weird. I don't really know why I'm like that. But like, it's, well, I guess like also human design, I have a bunch of like individual wiring. So I have like one collective channel and it's subconscious. And it's like in my body. And I feel like that's the me sensing like the time always happening thing that I it's hard to put in words.

I do know you're talking about there. When did you notice that as like your conception of time, like did that feel like something you always experienced and then just kind of like realized what it was? Or there was a point where you kind of latched onto that, because that's like, I very much do know what that feeling is like. And it's a good feeling. I think it popped up for me when I was a kid. And I would see how people in the church were reacting to the end times. And they were like, it's the end times, it's the end times. And I'm like, I have a feeling that you all have been saying this since we existed. And like a little kid.

And it never like people would freak out about it at the church. And for some reason, I would never freak out about it. I'm like, because it's always the end of times. And like, that's just how I always felt like as a child. And so I think it started in church. Wow. That's interesting. When you talk about your relationship with God, what does that mean for you? Like, I know this can be kind of hard to describe it sometimes. What does that feel like or like your conception of it mean for you? It feels like love. That's the best thing. It's whenever I choose love, that's God. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty clear when you get in touch with it. It's the thing that it is also, I think, eternally present if you're alive in some capacity. I just think alive, like, we know it. It's just like it is a sustaining force.

Even when I've been crazy knocked out of my body from too many drug combination, which was really only once, I got to say, but it was very far out there. I can tell you what the actual process of like reintegrating back into feeling like myself is was from like a very far out detached, no conception, really the slightest conception of to like what love and comfort and just like, you know, felt like I literally had to have that come back over like a five to seven minute period. And it was excruciating. It was like, holy shit, like, I can't believe like, and I recognize that we move ourselves along that spectrum of experience. Like, that's not like this place that somewhere else that like will never exist again. It really is like a and I think one of the things I came away with as a eternally grateful when I like felt back into myself, I'm like, holy shit, I have so many things to actually be grateful for. I don't feel like horrible all of the time, like, what a fucking treat. But yeah, I mean, yeah, it is a nice way of putting it too. And it is something that I think when you really like let it guide you as a principal and getting in touch with it as much as possible and recognizing the kind of like infinite divine power in that is like, really, it really like, it helps you also let go of kind of like the stories we can tell ourselves about why our lives are the way that they are. Because like, if you're choosing kind of a loving path for your desires, like, you're basically blessing yourself and everyone else, like, continuously. And that's like, yeah, if you've done it, it feels good.

Yeah. Yeah, it feels and it's so interesting because like, I was even thinking about the helping thing that happens, like, so whenever I am helping someone out of obligation, it feels like it, like it's about to tear my body apart. And a part of me can feel, I don't know how to, okay, it can feel the lack of love in that because there's like a lack of awareness from me taking that action. And I like it's like, I know that when I say this thing to this person, it's not going to help and it actually might like hold them back actually if I if I speak now. But then there's times where like someone might ask the question, like, on a post or something like that, and I can feel my heart like swell out of my body. And I'm like, I've got you, like, and it feels so exciting. It feels like I, I, it is the right time. And it feels like an overflow of love pouring out of my body.

And I'm like, okay, so people should only be like listening to me when that's happening. Because it's irresponsible. And so like, I feel like my awareness of love, it's, it's, it's clarified what love actually looks like in so many ways. And it's, it's shown me, like how much a lot of people have translated love. They've seen love and what they were actually doing was experiencing like fear of loss or, or, yes, trying to not experience rejection. And I'm like, well, those look very similar, but they're not the same. And you need to experience like deep love to have to understand that those are not the same thing. And like, they're actually very, very, very, very different. And you need to pay attention to when you are acting out of fear of loss versus when you're acting out of love. And so like, it's, I just love love. It's great.

It's so helpful. It's the best. It is ultimately because it's a reliable source. Like it really, it's like you can't infiltrate it at the end of the day. It's something that's so viscerally felt and experienced that like it is a harmony. And anyone out there who maybe isn't feeling in this vibe right now, like when you're disconnected from it, it can be almost like bothersome to hear that this is something, but you, everyone has experienced it. Sometimes that's relegated to people's childhood. Sometimes it's, you know, hasn't happened for them yet or they're think they know what it is, but like it is a palpable feeling that most people have experienced in one way or the other, even if that's just like, you know, a parent's love or a friend's love or like whatever it is, like it's there and it is an internal felt thing and it's powerful and it's transformative and it can look like a lot of different things, but like also you define that feeling for yourself at the end of the day. It is just a feeling and it is just kind of pursuing the things that I think like where you want to feel aligned, if that's like your goal, acting from that space, like it's good that you mentioned that like, you know, sometimes you know in a moment that you genuinely are able to offer someone or multiple people a lifeline for them to like understand what the fuck is going on and you can't, you can't suppress that like an asshole and be like, well, I rather, I shouldn't tell them that. I mean, there are people who consciously do that who like think they figured out some grand secret and they're like, won't share the information. That's even but it's like, it's a very specific kind of way of like embodying that and understanding that and pursuing that and ultimately, I do believe that's who we are at our core. Like, that's why I like you use the. Yeah, that's why I'm sure you use the word God for it. I use I am God love, but I also recognize that this idea of God or omnipotent creative power will always hue towards the side of love, but also is capable of generating any experience because I know you know this as a Scorpio, like the shadow aspect of things, like there's no rule that says I work. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. Everything is allowed, but there is a, there's definitely a, what is the, there's like a math term for this, a trend towards love. Yes.

Which is beautiful to realize and this is like the time where I go macro. It's like, it's really helpful for me to remember that what I feel most of the time in my body is love. The experience and the relationships that I have with others, those mostly feel like love, the people around me, they're experiencing really beautiful love. And so I'm like, okay, so it seems like overall, we tend to move towards love because I feel like that's definitely who we actually are, but everything's allowed. And so, of course, it's, it's, I don't know, it's just very interesting to see how much free will we have and how much we allow ourselves to walk away from love, but we always come back to it, even if we're not in this lifetime, maybe the next one.

It's been my experience that that's the way it is just because it feels better. It feels like a more kind of complete way of being. And listen, the cynic, the pessimist could say, well, you know, that's just a trick. That's the devil. They got you feeling good in that. Well, listen, you can play that game forever. That literally is like how this works. It's what you believe about it will. So if you ultimately secretly believe this is a devilish way of acting and like a demonic kind of evil thing, sure, shit, you're going to get that experience somehow in your life. But it is like everything is allowed. It has the power to create. It has the power to destroy.

Knowing that, how would you want to use it? Right? Listen, and I'm not against destruction. I think, you know, sacred destruction has an incredibly powerful role in reality creation and just energetics. It's an important kind of thing. Otherwise, we would just have like an overflow of energy. And it would be like way too much and like maxing out a capacity, you need a destructive transformative force to kind of like allow these things to be. But yeah, it is it's a what a life. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I got to say, I mean, so what are you you're still doing like art? Like, I see the the things that you post and stuff, but like you that's what originally drew me to you before kind of this like ability to kind of like really help yourself through helping others is probably how it looks like to me like it really does allow you to kind of share something you're naturally good at. You enjoy doing it, you're self selective about the type of energies and people you're working with, which you can't ask for anything more as like someone who deals with this stuff. So like, what do you think like artistically, like and creatively, how does this fuse together? Like, because you say like you get the image, the symbol, so to speak for it, like a few days after you get downloads. But do you ever create from like a different space where it's not just coming from that? Or is that just kind of like an omnipresent state of being?

I think I'm always creating from that space. I feel like at this point, if I try to create from another space, like, I have to make art. I can't. I just can't like I used to be able to, but now, yeah, yeah. It doesn't scratch the image. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A friend of mine, she was like, do you ever freak out like when you don't have the download or like the the feeling that like yummy feeling to make art like, do you freak out about that? I'm like, no, because it's like, it'll always come back. It has to come back. It's just how you know, I am. And I just, at this point, trying to force myself to make something feels very much like a violation to me.

It doesn't work, ultimately, too. That's the other thing. There's no results that like we're getting from like, I have to do this. I should do this. That's to me, you know, I've always kind of like, you know, like a lot of advice in the traditional creative world, especially in like the musician world is like, you do it every day. If you're going to like, I went to a music school, I graduated from a music college. The goal was to be like making a living, so to speak, whatever. That means through music, through some, you know, whether it's film scoring or as a gigging musician or a producer, whatever, that was the goal. And I was like, I don't think this is a ever going to be something that like, I am solely interested in the point where I'm going to do is literally every single day because I have to. But if I want to, I certainly will align myself with this energy.

But yeah, the second you make it like a job or an identity or role that you're putting on to like, you're not doing it for yourself at that point. I think that's also just like, abundantly clear to people. When I mean, maybe it's not, I mean, I'm sure it's not. I mean, because sometimes I see people hock and shit and pitch and stuff. And I'm like, how are they doing this? Like, is this really like worth? Is this worth the sell? Yeah, I mean, like, what? It's what people keep being told, like, you have to do it like this. And my theory is that there was some, a few select people who inflow did that thing every single day because that's who they, like my partner is one of those people who like, he makes art literally every day. He makes music every day. Maybe there'll be one or two days that he won't do it like out of the month. But he's like, it's a true compulsion for him. And I feel like someone saw people do that and they're like, ah, that's how you do it. That's the right way. You know, and it's like, no, there are some people out there who are like, they just work like that. That's just what they do. And it's who they are.

It's built into them is like a system. It's not like, I always find like, I've, I've been around, like, I guess artists for most of my life, because it's what I just kind of like was interested in. I found the people who create and are just like, even if they're not artists in the traditional sense, but just like, you know, people who aren't buying into the regular conception of reality, as we know it, those people I consider kind of creatives and artists. And you do see a wide range of people, ways of how people do it and where they are in the kind of spectrum of like, you know, where they leave that creative process into their life. I've found to really try to just appreciate, like, I'm definitely very like cyclical creator. Like I go through phases of like very, very high energy, almost manic like, but in like a focused way, kind of energetic output. And then I will then often kind of go into lower levels of energy, usually not luckily for the same period of time, or that would suck. But I do that to get like this bird's eye view of kind of the energy to be able to both resonate with people who are really feeling it and loving this shit. And then also people are like, I don't get it. This is maybe bullshit. And I'm not trying to like convince people who think it's bullshit that it's anything. But I also know those people probably have some allegory or metaphor that works for them. yours is super effective playing the video game because like, I mean, I'm a gamer. I love video games. It just makes a shitload of sense. But like, there's something there that can show people this creative principle, whatever you want to call it that it exists. And I think that's ultimately what I see you kind of like talking about and like doing with people.

And I appreciate it. It's pretty fucking cool. So one thing I just want to talk about before we go a little bit is the human design stuff. I have Jessa hitting me up every so often talking about human design stuff. And I have the apps on my phone now and like started learning aspects of it. But it's like everything for me until it like clicks. It doesn't really click. Like everyone I hope has experienced some type of relationship with the vine arts where like, you kind of get it. And then one day it just clicks and you're like, Oh, I get it. And so like, do you you're still using human design? Do you still use that with people you work with and in your life? Yeah, if they if they want to, if they're really into human design, I will, because I have a it's a great language. I feel like it's so it's really a great language for differentiation and to release people from the need to do things like other people are doing them.

But I'm not always thinking about it unless like I'm specifically interacting with someone else. That's when it's like, which makes sense because it's about differentiation. But I'm like, I can't constantly think about human design. I don't know how people do that. I just can't. I can't either. It hurts my brain because it's so much stuff. And like, I love it whenever I hear about it in like isolated terms or in context with a specific thing that's happening or the way we perceive things. And like, I do find it to be tremendously useful. And why wouldn't I? It's like the E chain astrology. It's like all this awesome stuff.

It makes sense that it works the way it does. But I do find it overwhelming. There's so many gates. There's so many channels. So like how like practically, are you a manifesting generator? Yes. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Can you just tell like, I also am a generator. What what that means? Like do you use so you don't do you use this as a diagnostic tool or only if someone comes to you and it's like, Hey, I want to talk human design. You won't bring it up otherwise. I won't bring it up unless someone wants to. And then I'll bring it up. And it's weird because like, I know a lot about human design, but it doesn't. I feel like people can't tell. And I there's a point where I specifically stopped talking about it because talking about it was boring.

And I didn't like the way people were using it. So I was just like, I no longer want to ever be asked about human design because I don't like what you're doing. But when someone does ask, you're like, whoa, you were like an encyclopedia. And I'm like, yes, I know a lot about this. But I don't like to know unless I'm asked. I don't like to think about it unless I'm asked. And then when I'm asked, then I have an answer that can relate to human design. But to me, like, I treat it very light. It's it's it. I feel like human design should be used as a tool when you want to use it. And whenever you want to use it, and if you would like my interpretation of that, I'm totally down.

Just don't say like, can I do this if I'm this? And I'm like, you can do whatever you want. What do you want to do? And then I mean, I'll. Then I'll, yeah, but it's very much in response, which makes sense because I am the administrator. We often response. But like things like that, like I it's a what is it in hindsight where I'm just like, yeah, I can see certain patterns and how they might play out. And I'm like, yeah, that's probably why you're doing this. So like, it's okay, you're fine. You're good. Right. Right. Oh, man, I love it. Well, you're you're, how are you spending most of your time these days? Because it feel, I feel like your schedule seems like it's packed all the time because I, I don't know, do you manage your time? Well, like you seem like super active and busy. And I appreciate it as an energy. Like, how do you honor your time in space?

Yeah, you're not is that not? No, you're just got abundance of time. I don't do anything. Well, like today, my schedule, I decided it when I woke up. I was like, okay, I, because I've been on my cycle, my period cycle and normally like, every time I'm like, I don't want to do anything. So today I was like, you know, I feel like I could go to the gym today. So I would like to go to the gym. That would be nice. And then our podcast interview. So those are the two things that were on my schedule today. And that's usually how my schedule looks. I hard like, I have people on my like, boxer clients who I like message here and there. I have sessions here and there. I have such an open schedule, but I like to travel and do fun things with friends. So I will suddenly feel the urge to like, go somewhere and have an event or like, go to someone's event or something like that. Or like, I get bored and I'm like, hey, reality, go make my friends do something exciting so that I can go and partake. And then I will be in my house watching Korean TV shows and anime for a week and not speaking to anyone. I have the probably the most open schedule of anyone I know in my entire life. It's weird because my perception.

I bet I'm not the only one. I just want to point that out just based on obviously we don't speak every day. Like, we don't know each other. Like, you know, I don't know what you're doing every single day. But like from the outside looking in, I think it's just because you are very like economical with your words and cutting through kind of the bullshit and how you present stuff. It just feels to me that kind of like you have like this, it must just be an energetic thing that you're kind of doing and like your actual schedule is not like that. But I guarantee I'm not the only one because. So unfortunately here, we lost P's audio as I was editing yet. I saw there was a big gap towards the end. It was only about two, three minutes left to go. But, you know, it is what it is. Mercury retrograde. What can you do? Not much. So I hope you enjoyed that episode with P. She's great. Go check her out on Instagram on her website. Did I call Instagram? It's like a different thing. Instagram. Go check that out. Go check her out. She's the best. Check out the Patreon. If you haven't done that, we're actually doing stuff there. I am meeting the challenges head on and delivering. So that's it. Until next week, I'll see you later. Happy imagining.

[Music] [Music] (upbeat music)