Bite The Spoon Energy

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Welcome to Synchronicity. This has been the craziest energy week of my life. In the past, we just seem to be ramping up in terms of absolute nut bag energy and it's just like, it's fine, it's cool. We're gonna be good. Major fucking things. This is the episode for you if you've encountered obstacles, defeats, imaginal acts not coming true. This is the episode for you. I am the asshole who will tell you stubbornly that what you imagine and feel to be true is true. I've been shown every external scene sensory evidence presented. I've had every opportunity to be like, no, you're wrong, you're wrong.

And I just want everyone to know the only thing that works. The only thing that matters at the end of the day is your belief in yourself, your love for yourself and your true faith and conviction that you really are God. This isn't something we say to make ourselves feel better. This isn't, in fact, it feels worse a lot of the times than just being subservient to other aspects of reality or external reality. That's easier to deal with than the knowledge that you're the creator, sustainer and destroyer of everything you perceive. Ultimately, truthfully, this is your world. That's very difficult.

It doesn't, that is, I wanna be, today I feel like saying, if there's any ego that latches onto that, if there's any tendency or proclivity to latch onto such a lofty concept as literally being your own lord and savior, it will get obliterated through this process. I think what a lot of people are going through right now, they're recognizing that this is their show. This is their reality, what they wanna see manifest. The deepest, most strongest desires, whatever those are in your life, they will push through right now. You may have things that come from after those, but whatever is underneath everything, that is gonna push to the surface.

And that's gonna incorporate so much more than what you possibly can intellectually or conceptually conceive. That is the crux of what this episode is gonna be out. I don't have anything written in front of me. I'm gonna relay my own experiences. I'm gonna just talk straight up from the motherfucking heart today. Use my own life as the only beacon that could possibly be used. Not gonna pull from any other shit I heard from anyone else. I love Neville Goddard to the day I die. Really woke something up in me, but this is, there's nothing I'm gleaning. I'm sure I'm fucking gonna be lifting from so many other things that I've encountered in my life.

We got a so high horsey, they talk about ego stuff, but seriously, if you're ego, if any part of you that feels like you need to control or dictate or push towards a direction that's masculine, tendon, that's typically masculine energy, that's not gonna work. That's gonna get crushed and take it from someone who is getting their ego crushed. Oh my God, it's been crushed so much the past week. This full moon in Gemini, literally guys, what the fucking shit? It's just, it's like, if you're energetically sensitive, you probably have just been like what the fuck is this? What is this? Now there's no like cultural thing that we can just stare at, like Corona or an election.

I mean, there's always stuff to look at, but there's nothing like so paramount. So we're really being asked to go inside of ourselves, find what actually is important to us, what we really wanna be doing. And if we don't do that work consciously, it will be done for us. We will do it to ourselves in other ways. That can be physical purging, that can be emotional, it can be relationships changing dramatically. It can be things that you never thought possible, suddenly becoming totally possible in both polarities, negative and positive. You don't know what's gonna happen. However, when I say you don't know what's gonna happen, there is an aspect of you that absolutely does know.

And if you can get in resonance with that part, if you can build the bridge to the truest and most authentic version of who you are without a body, without being a human being, the deepest kind of most soul level of who you are, while you still have a body, you're gonna have a good time, ultimately, no matter what. This is how reality works. I'm sure of it. I've been proven, take it from someone who just got scammed in cryptocurrency two times in the past three months. I've fucking lost more money than I care to speak about. You have to process and deal with when something you thought was going to happen doesn't happen.

I don't wanna get up on this podcast or any other podcast and present the illusion that literally every single thing I've ever imagined has played out exactly that way. In fact, it's almost been the opposite. Most, the most amazing things that have come to me in life were not based on any specific situation, but they were based on feelings. And this really underscores what I experienced about 20 something years ago. This divine feminine energy, this intuitive, psychic, nurturing, destructive, change, death, energy is the dominant force hitting this planet in linear time. Ultimately, do I think time does do I think time exists?

No, but are we in it? Yes, it's like being a fish in an aquarium being like, well, I don't believe this is the sea. Not the sea, it's a fucking aquarium, but guess what? In the fucking aquarium right now. Don't try to buck against that fact too much. It's cool though, recognize the aquarium in this analogy is only your limited conception of who you are and the circumstances that bind you to that reality. If you recognize who you are at essence is a being of love, grace, peace, beauty, all of these terms, I just wanna be clear. If you catch on, they don't indicate good or bad. You understand beautiful could be anything on that spectrum.

Grace could be anything on that spectrum. There's a grace to inelegance. Do you know, there's an elegance to inelegance. If you really want paradoxes, it's just don't try to ascribe specific things to what you want. It'll work, I've said this so many times. I'm just learning, not learning, I don't like that term. Remembering, I think is the right phrase, how to be malleable as a person, how not to rigidly get consumed by one perspective. That's my truth, as a lot of people know, about me like I can communicate and absorb information and wisdom very quickly, very fucking quickly. It's just, I don't know, it's just fucking skill.

Maybe 'cause Mercury is on my fucking mid-heaven in Leo. Who the fuck knows why it is, I can do that. But one of the pitfalls of people who have that energeti, energeti, energetic signature, is I can get way too rigidly locked in to something. And that leaves you totally breakable. And it's okay to break too. I was broken the past two, three days. If for those of you who've been waiting to hear the episode where it's like, whoa, what is this guy gonna get fucking karmically crushed back? It's not karma, it's my own process of dealing with my own things that I really need to do. Everything in my life leads me to the place I need to be.

And that is unfortunate, that feels unfortunate sometimes for me. I have things that I've set my intention, my subconscious, the deepest aspects of my being to achieve and I will relentlessly be pushed towards those things. All I can say is these imaginal techniques, the perspective of recognizing that your internal world creates your external world, that all serves this higher idea of recognizing who you are and what you need to be to be good, which is nothing. You are good, you are inherently, you have everything. You are not your stories, you are not your trauma, you're not your narratives, you're not your parents, you're not your culture, you're none of that.

You're fucking good. Ultimately, at the end of the day, if you need to go through motherfucking hell to recognize that, so be it. You don't have to, I'd like to point that out, but if that is the experience you need to go through to purge some shit, for sure. Do you know what the past few days were me? Fuck, purging some deep, insidious, dark fears about myself, about relationships, about love, about money. All of these things are just getting ripped out of me, and I'm sure you're gonna hear a lot about these specific things, and I'm gonna do a podcast with Ryan tonight, that'll be out soon, I'm gonna, Shawn and Cass are coming up, I got the troops rallying.

And the truth is, is like, all I think we're trying to do, and when I say we as people with podcasts are somehow found a voice that resonates with people. Any direct experience of good, of harmony, of beauty, that we encounter, we like to share, that could be music, that could be art, that could just be talking, in a brutally like, I was gutted out, my avatar I like to talk about how like, you know, killing yourself, I killed myself, so hard this last week, whatever I was, whoever I was the week before, that guy's dead, I don't even look the same, I look different, if I go look in the mirror, I fundamentally look different, and it's because I am.

My conception of reality fundamentally changed because I recognize certain fears and attachments, whether it's abandonment, or the way a family has to look, or all of these just childhood things, these things that I talk about transcending all the time, sometimes they take longer to play out in time than others, sometimes it takes more effort for us to place awareness, or allow maybe let go of the effort to allow awareness, to show us where we really need to heal is. I ultimately I believe in healing, ultimately I believe in integrity and harmony, that's why I think my life is a reflection of that, almost everywhere I go, even if there are moments of absolute chaos and uncertainty, when I look out in the world, I see a magical, beautiful, incredible place, and it has taken some incredibly challenging circumstances to get me to not only recognize that's where I am, but also stabilize it, regardless of circumstances.

And I say this as someone who in the past two days went through just like serious feelings of heartbreak, and trauma, and just even in the deepest, darkest, throws of that, I still I could recognize the beauty in it. And when you get to that place, even if you're crushed and you can maintain, do you know when I use these imaginal techniques? Do you know when I really use them? It's not when things are going great. It's not, it can be, I also do that then, but the, I've spoken about this before, the biggest example of me ever using any of these techniques, and you could say this was just a wonderful synchronicity, and it just lined up with a set of circumstances that would have happened anyway.

But when my son Gabe was in the hospital at like a month old with RSV, couldn't clear his lungs on breathing tubes, it was one of the most, like every parent's worst nightmare. First day I drive up the Albany. I'm fucking crushed. Go listen to the episode, you humble, what is it, humble humility and grace? That one, literally my son is like on the verge of like not being able to live. And I go there the first day and I'm fucking crushed. I almost faint on the floor. I can't believe what's happening. I have to go back down to take care of our toddler, Eli at the time, and I'm just fucking floored.

And I go home that night and just a spiraling type of mindset, what is going on? What have I done? I just, I didn't know. I recognized that my reality, I'm creating it. Why would I make my child get sick? What am I doing, right? Why do I want to live in this reality? And I fucking did the imaginal techniques and I imagined him walking home, coming home, not walking home, carrying him in the thing so vividly, so clearly. And this is the thing about trauma and difficult circumstances. If you let them teach you the lesson that you fucked up or shit isn't good and it's bad, you will get that experience.

But if you can recognize in your deepest moments of despair, this is how I pulled myself out of the clutches of insanity, by the way. I was literally diagnosed as bipolar and took lithium for three years because I fucking blew the portal off my fucking, the lid off my consciousness. I got in touch with the unity consciousness for fucking three months and it was fucking impossible to essentially integrate without a knowingness of why one would do that. It felt like it was done to me and I had to still maintain throughout a diagnosis, throughout the experience of my world being blown up. I had to maintain the firm conviction and belief in faith that I wasn't crazy, that this is just an experience I'm going through.

Did I do some things wrong? Did I miss apprehend some things? Of course. But if you can hold fast to this truth, no matter what you're going through, I'm sorry this isn't a funny episode, it's not funny at all. It's not supposed to be funny this episode though. It's supposed to be practical and helpful and hit you in the heart where we need to be hit right now. You need to go into these aspects of your being that need healing and heal them and what that feels like. It's like going into, you know the scene in the movies where they have to clean the wound and they put whatever they need to do, alcohol and they tell them to bite down on a spoon?

That's what the fuck we're in right now. Bite down on the motherfucking spoon. Bite on the spoon because you're fine, you're good. As you bite down on that spoon and remember that you literally create this world for yourself, you are a powerful, limitless, courageous, your fucking badass is what you are. To incarnate in this world at this point in time, it is fucking incredible. The amount of spirit you have to do that. There are countless beings in the world want to be able to do that but can't pull that fucking trigger. You pulled the trigger, that's amazing. So what I'm saying here is like getting back to the story with Gabe, I was home that night, I was fucking just really not in a good emotional state.

What's worse than seeing your newborn child potentially die or just not, it was horrible. And I imagine that scene and went back to the next stage of the hospital. He's still on breathing tubes. There's no evidence that anything I designed magically coming home that day. In fact, it's just, it's almost a little bit worse but I felt different because I had planted that seed of faith and conviction and knowing that this is actually how things work. I was able to make jokes with the nurses, with the doctors. The mood just slowly, surely the next two days started to lighten up and all of a sudden the prognosis goes different.

And I fundamentally believe, I spoke with my friend, Carrie. She said Gabe is a wrathful deity and that was one of his gifts. He gave me and my ex-wife, gifts. And that was one of them. And it was to show us our own, what was going on in our lives, in our relationship, but also in our individual lives. And what it showed me more than anything is, hold fast to what you believe to be true in your darkest hours and you will be rewarded always. Doesn't mean things will turn around tomorrow or the next day. Let go of them needing to conform to any limited conception of time or reality. It's not. Don't worry about that.

The real secret is that when you do that, things turn around pretty quickly in time. But a genuine effort to access the transcendent nature of who you are and heal the things that have kind of distorted or clouded that over, it might not just be this life, it could be countless lives. You could be processing shit for other people. There are pure, clean spirits out there who have just not encountered any kind of needy, gritty shit and their job is to kind of just like reflect stuff back to people until they deal with it, their truest desires. Something that is coming up has been coming up for me a lot over the past few weeks especially.

And I've been kind of not speaking about it enough. If there is something you're supposed to do and you know it and when you're hearing these words, that it will pop up in your head, you can push it away if you want. But if there's something you're supposed to be doing with your life, with a person, whatever it is, and you don't do it, you will get slapped back by yourself, your higher dimensional self will not allow you to run that script. And if you're super steadfast on not doing what you're supposed to be doing, you will get slept out constantly until you are put on track till you go, okay, all right, I get it.

And I just wanted to say this, you determine that. If you wanna unplant any seed that it's too uncomfortable, I don't want that anymore. You have that ability too, but you will constantly remind yourself through every possible means in reality and out of it of what you're supposed to be doing until you accept it. And for me, I've set some very clear intentions and aspirations related to my role in this world, my world, and any time I act out of resonance with those, it seems at this point, I'm basically like penalized. I get thrown in the penalty box. Sometimes it's two minutes, sometimes it's two days.

Just remember like honor who you are at your core. That's the best thing you can do. You do have the joystick in the controller for this life. You do get to produce right and starring your own movie. If you forget that that's true, and it feels like it's not, that's okay. Just remember that it is. See what happens. And it's okay to be sad. It's okay to experience loss. All of these things are beautiful. They're genuinely helpful. It's a natural process of being in a plane of existence where life and death are duality. It's not like that everywhere. It's really not. You could zoom out of the perspective of just being a human being.

For a little bit, you would see there's so much more that could potentially be happening that we, it's amazing. It truly is amazing that we're here and get to experience this. And congratulate yourself. First and foremost, you've made it. You're here now, you're in the year 2020, going into 2021. This is meant to be a time of prosperity and harmony. And it will be, so realize if that's not what you're experiencing now, it's not that you've moved to some timeline where that's not happening. I've said this time and time again on this podcast. If you're listening to this, this is the best fucking timeline.

You don't have access to this show. You don't have access to my voice that this isn't the best timeline. I live in the best timeline. Even when I feel and I'm expressing and going through this is the worst timeline, it's so bad. How can this be happening? I've fucked up. What did I do? That little voice. I assume everyone has it. I know I do that. It's like, no, you're good. You're good, bro. You got this shit. I'm blessed. I don't know. I don't know if that's because I fucking meditated in caves in past lives. If I dedicated all of my merit to the greater Bodhisattva, who the fuck knows what it is?

But I know that voice never leaves me. And I know when you have access to that voice and hear it clearly, you'll begin to trust yourself and have confidence in yourself and your love will constantly be reflected back to you. And you'll get exactly what you want, always. And it's beautiful. It really is. And if you're lucky enough and in tune with yourself enough to have created beauty and harmony in your life consciously, honor that. Like you're fucking cool. And if you're looking out in the world and it doesn't seem like that's what's there, if you feel like you just haven't brought your best self and you're sitting in that kind of shit sandwich and just like, oh God, I put my pants.

I don't look good. Oh boy, I really fucked this shit up. Just honor that too. It's okay to fuck shit up sometimes. It's totally cool. I don't even say you're human, you're a spirit. Spirits fuck shit up too. We like to imagine, it's all perfect. That's true. But perfect doesn't mean like graceful all the time. It doesn't mean like, you know, you do everything in this like amazing way. Like, is anyone playing instruments? Like, do you know what it takes to get to the point where you're skilled in an instrument? You gotta fuck up a bunch. You have to fuck up. Fuck that chord up. Fuck that up. Didn't sound like I wanted to sound until you figure out like you just do what you feel like you need to do.

And it comes out the way it's supposed to come and you don't judge it. And if you've been pushing away, feelings of fear, sadness, melancholy, trauma, let them guide you to what needs to be healed. That's their message, that's their beauty. Don't you see, that's their beauty? It's not to fuck you up. There's a few things that I constantly remember and I think that's why no matter how much chaos seems to be around me in my life outside looking in, I can maintain a perspective of absolute joy. It's, we're good. We essentially are good. Don't forget it. If you forget that, it's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself, but we're good.

You're a good person. I hate to break it to you, it might be unfortunate. You also get everything you ever wanted. Have you recognized that yet? Sound like I'm reading something like a tweet. Have you recognized you get everything you want? Have you? It's incredible. Anyway, this is a short episode. I'm gonna have another one with Ryan out, probably within the next 24 hours. It's gonna be fun, it's gonna be funny. I had to get the shit out there. I went through fucking this full mooning Gemini. Was a real fucking beast and I felt like getting something out to you guys a little bit early. Thank you, I saw everyone posting these Spotify top podcasts and all I know a lot of you.

Are sharing that you listen to this podcast and helps you and it means so much to me. It really does. I hope everyone gets in touch with me. It means a lot to me, especially when I'm going through it. I don't think it's a synchronicity that in one of my darkest days, I wake up to some of the most nicest messages from people. Readings are open. I am going to do Christ consciousness readings in December, starting the week of Christmas. Those will be open just last year. I'll have more information. I'll probably open those up this week so you can start booking. They'll be recorded. They will be astrology and tarot stuff.

So that's gonna be going on. Everything else, Instagram, you know, whatever. It's a lot of cool music. It's coming up and making music for my friend Bill. You're gonna hear a lot of it soon, so. Yeah, just hang in there. That's all I'm saying. All right, guys. Love you. Until then, happy imagining. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Experience the return of Mountain Creek Waterpark classics. Cannonball falls and the legendary Tarzan swings. Now back for summer fun in nearby Vernon, New Jersey. Beat the heat at Mountain Creek Waterpark. Book your tickets today at mountaincreek.com.