Presence

Hello everyone. Before we get to today's episode, I want to mention hot alien summer camp that's taken place. It's going on August 17th to 20th. Find all of the links in the details, all the links in the details. Find all the links and details in the podcast note section of this show. Karen Rontowski is going to be there. Ryan Singer is going to be there. It's going to be a magical fucking time. Go check it out. I'm pretty confident you're going to have a blast if you go there. So check out the details. Hotaliensummercamp.com is where you go and have a great time and with that on to the episode.

Welcome to Synchronicity. We have a good one this week. It's a classic off the cuff. Total verbal. Go, go, go. Who knows what I'm saying, but I think I have a coherent message this week. How about that? How about that for a novel idea? Last episode, a lot of feedback. Appreciate it guys. I just want to clear a few things up because I had some very nice and kind people reach out and say, "Hey man, listen, think you're being a little too hard on yourself. It's not so bad. Things are tough, but don't give up the good fight." I just want to be very clear. This is what this episode is about this week. We all go through things where we put ourselves through various trials and tribulations in order to learn something deeply profound about either ourselves, reality, the universe, consciousness, others, whatever you want to call it, the one, whatever you want to call it. Like we do that to varying degrees of success and across a wide spectrum of energy and chaos and all of that good stuff. But ultimately, I do firmly believe that we do this for a reason. There is a functional aspect of sometimes maybe putting yourself through a pretty rigorous and difficult situation, whatever you want to call it, but friends, I'm happy to announce. I hit a major breakthrough just a couple of days ago. When you hit a breakthrough, you're like, "Holy shit, this is qualitatively different than maybe things I've latched onto before." You can kind of just feel that inner shift, right? Whatever it is, the clicking, the flow, the synchronicities, whatever you want to call it. And I had one. And what's interesting is, this is something that I had heard many times before, from the same person over and over again.

And it made no difference whatsoever in my consciousness, in my way of being, in any terms of any type of profound realization. But for some reason, I think I had just been beaten down so hard over the past couple of years that I was pummeled. I was pummeled into oblivion to the point where I'm doing an episode called Nightmare Button for Fucksake. You know what I mean? So here's what I basically came to the conclusion, the realization. And I want to point out that this may not be applicable to you. But I do think it's going to be applicable to enough people that it's worth sharing. Because everyone has their own different issues in life. Everyone goes through, like I said, different experiences to teach them things. It is the classic Joseph Campbellian motto myth. Like, right, you go to the depths of the underworld to retrieve the treasure from the dragon who you fight and slay. By the way, there's a fly in this room. I don't know if I've mentioned this before. I find flies to be serious signs of transformation whenever they come around.

It's almost like they can smell the death of a previous incarnation and in comes a new one. So we welcome the flies. But if you hit my fucking head again, brah, I'm going to try to swatch it. But my point is this is like, I think for really almost the entirety of my entire life, I have avoided being present. And I don't know if this is going to click for everyone. And it doesn't mean I haven't had a fantastic life. I've been able to create and, you know, the life I find myself living now is extraordinary in so many ways. But I think for most of it, I kind of just have been like on autopilot or almost like a co-pilot watching all of this stuff go down because and I'll trace it back. And so if you guys have a similar story, you'll be able to relate to it.

But it's essentially a coping mechanism, right? It's essentially something where I have found it easier to constantly live in a future projection or a past reality, right? Almost like literally to the point where the times I have been truly present in my life, I would describe as like spiritually significant events because they're not as common as I would like them to be at the end of the day. But I never knew why. I always thought maybe it was like some flaw or maybe we only get a little bit of doses of feeling and flow or feeling and like, you know, just kind of you're really at the center of creating this divine world in which you live, right? Of course, I've shared many of those experiences on this podcast. Whenever I have any realization, I try to make a point of it to collect my thoughts, organize them, dissect them, and then talk about them, especially on this show, just because I've realized the things we go through in life, especially the tough times, as well as the success stories, but especially the tough times, you may be able to reach someone who is going through something very similar and maybe is feeling hopeless. Maybe is feeling like nothing is working. Maybe you hit the bottom of the fucking barrel and the end of the road and whatever other metaphor you want to use. And I typically have not gone through those experiences in life. But I think part of the reason I haven't gone through some of those experiences is I was very good at not examining what I was actually doing or what I've been doing in life. So I want to trace this back a little bit. And for the longest time, and it's not the most, the heartbreaking sad story, but we all have trauma in our childhoods and just through life.

And we learn strategies and skills in which we can deal with that trauma and function and maybe even thrive and succeed. But if we don't catch the patterns and we let them kind of assume and consume our lives, we then end up in very tricky situations down the line. And that's exactly what happened to me. And I also want to be clear that this doesn't really like, this doesn't mean you can't imagine and create incredible worlds, right? It has nothing to do with that. Because as you've heard me say a million times, you're constantly manifesting, you're constantly creating your reality. There's never a time where you're not doing that. But when we find ourselves in a situation where maybe we have tapped that nightmare button, maybe we've slammed it, maybe we've hit it over and over and over again, like a monkey getting a fucking sugar cube, maybe we've slammed this nightmare button so times that like our life is literally turning into like a hellish experience, like irrespective of what's actually going on in it. But this is kind of what it felt like I was doing for a prolonged period of time. And I couldn't figure out A, how to get out of it and B, what it was about. Like, why is this happening? And I finally had a breakthrough on this and I realized it really was that presence issue. And I think a strategy I learned as a child, like as I went through, my parents went through a divorce and there was all this change and like, you know, abandonment and, you know, all of this stuff, right? I realized that if you look to the future, you essentially dissociate enough that you don't actually have to feel your feelings.

And the problem with that is yes, you can avoid a lot of suffering, but suffering often is a really valid path towards realization. And that's just like an inconvenient truth at times because we feel like, well, why would we suffer to have to go to learn something like profound or, you know, some piece of wisdom. And it reminds me kind of the story of Job, right? We're gonna give them this little babble stuff. And it's again, I really subscribe to Neville Goddard's viewpoint of what the Bible represents, what all spiritual kind of allegory stories, metaphors, narratives, art, they're psychological states that we move through that we appropriate and that we discard. And the story of Job is a really befuddling one because this dude is just chilling there. And God is like, a yo motherfucker, I'm a fuck yo shit up. Like you've got got nothing. Like, I don't know why I made God sound like that. But that's apparently what he is. And it's just like this fucking demonic God just torturing this poor bastard, like everything that could go wrong in his life. He is just just laying into him. And if you read that from a literal sense, right, you're just like, Jesus Christ, like what the fuck this old this new this God is like totally fucking this dude shit up.

Like, why is he doing this? What is the point of it? But then if you start to realize like, hey, these are representations of spiritual and mental and psychological states that we go through, it starts to make a lot more sense. Because again, who is God? I am your imagination, right? It's your divine presence, your ability to concede and say, I am that. That is God. That is it. That is what I react about on this podcast for fucking a long ass time. So start to look at it through that lens. So if that's God and God in this story is torturing the fuck at a job, what's the point here? What's the moral? What lesson are we trying to receive when we encounter something like this? And to me, it's this is a path that one comes to certain realizations about what is going on in life. And of course, I want to be very clear, you do not have to put yourself through the Jobean, like a ringer to realize these things. In fact, I think in some ways, it's a little antiquated, but for people like me, or maybe not as quick on the uptake or have to experience every little thing to fully understand it. So then I can relay it. You know, this is still apparently a valid fucking path that want us to go to. And the path is that you kind of constrict and reduce your world to this future, constant looking forward and constant looking past.

And I know that like this is something that's been explored ad nauseam from any number of spiritual thinkers or any new age, you know, half as grew, be present, be here now, right? And like, of course, rhombus, one of my favorite teachers, you know, wrote the book be here now. And we get it, right? Like we get it, but we get it in the sense that we hear it. And it's such a big concept or it's such a like massive thing. It's almost like a statue. It's almost like something we look at and go, Oh, yeah, there's that thing. That's that thing we should do. But like, what does it actually mean? And I realized very clearly about two days ago, really was yesterday, that for my entire life, probably since I've been about five years old, I have constantly looked to what's next to the point, where it has consumed my life that rather than being able to successfully live in the moment, grasp what's going on, let it go efficiently and create and just kind of exude a resonance that attracts the things I truly desire and want in life. I'm just so fixated on what is coming next, that anything that comes next begins to fill that void. It begins to fill the vacuum of not having to face reality as it is at any given moment. And I don't want to make it seem like I've never been able to live in the moment. I think some of my most successful periods in life are when I'm very close to fully living in the moment, you know, minute to minute, second by second. That can be very exciting. It can be very trippy. It can be very scary, but it doesn't have to be really just bringing yourself back to a moment to present presence, a moment of awareness can be as simple as just looking at where you are, seeing who's around you or seeing if you're alone and appreciating all the fucking amazing shit you have in life. And I know that sounds trite and I know it sounds kind of like a platitude, but one thing that really helped me fucking pull out of this, really, it seemed like a never ending nose dive, just like a fucking straight B line to the ground, you know, like terminal velocity is I just took a step back and was like, what the fuck am I doing?

Like really, my life truly is incredible. Yes, there are shitty things happening now objectively. Yes, there are things that I wish were different or that I'd handle differently. But when I really just take that momentary step back and become aware of what my life is, an overwhelming sense of gratitude pours in. And I would recommend that you give this a try. This is basically like clearing or cleansing your palate before attempting any imaginal work. Because one thing, you know, I discussed today earlier in a podcast is we're not excellent by and large of really predicting the exact specifics of an outcome. But we are very good at appropriating states in general.

So a state of ecstasy, a state of being in love, a state of falling in love, a state of bliss, a state of enlightenment, a state of fulfillment, those are really useful kind of identities or energies to tune yourself up to resonate with. Because what happens there is you get a wide enough birth, right? A wide enough area of kind of where your target can be that allows you to experience this in a very mystical and profound way, rather than setting specific guideposts and saying, X and Y needs to happen at Z, because this is the thing that's going to make me feel W, right? That's that works too. I don't want to make it seem like you can't have manifestation or imaginal work work for specific situations or outcomes. It certainly does. I just think generally, when you go for those meta states, you have more kind of energy to kind of work with your your overall access or kind of sample size of experiences and situations that can flow in, it increases exponentially. And so what I realized is what I had been trying to do for a very long time to kind of maintain a state of flow, which in, but just to be clear, when you're trying to maintain a state of flow, that's like the shortest way of knocking yourself out of a flow state. It's just like guaranteed you are not going to stay there. If you're like, I got to hang on, I got to do this. Like that's how you fall off your fucking surfboard, right?

Like I haven't surfed, but I'm imagining we start overthinking it. That's where it's going to go completely. You're going to hit the fucking water, right? So when you can really tap into these deep profound states, like I said, fulfillment, love, divine presence, that really a gives you a wide enough mark that you can land and hit it safely. Even if it's not a bullseye, you're going to be within the circle, right? You're going to land at your destination. So that gives us a chance to actually pull ourselves out of these very sticky states of consciousness. And that's a prereq for any real effective life changes that are going to really, truly like mean something for you.

And the other thing I'd like to point out is, is don't necessarily think that when you make a profound realization, or you start incrementally or maybe massively improving areas or your quality of life, don't make the misapprehension that that is a forever thing. Because A, it's usually not. B, that's not really how this game is played. Like one of the things I realized about kind of when you're going through these rather large transformational periods in your life is if you've ever played like an RPG, like a Final Fantasy or something like that, and you get to a level, or even if like an Elden Ring, and you get to a point in the game where you're encountering monsters and bosses that are just like super OP, crazy overpowered. It's like, holy shit, how am I going to beat this?

Maybe it's some like crazy side quest, you know, like emerald weapon or ruby weapon in Final Fantasy Seven. Really getting fucking in the weeds here, huh? But like, maybe it's like a really tough boss. Like, what do you have to do? You gotta fucking grind, right? And I don't mean grind in a sense, like, you know, put your head down and hustle and don't stop working. That's not what I mean. What I mean is is you end up encountering the same type of energy, right? Bosses, enemies you may be fighting. I don't want to take that metaphor too literally. It's not really a fight. But you encounter the same stuff over and over again until you develop the skills or experience or get enough mana, magic, whatever it is to overcome that obstacle. And that's we face these encounters throughout our lives, right? These are threshold guardians. I've mentioned them many times before.

And when we go through these cycles, when we get enough experience, when we get enough mana, whatever it is, then we can go to the boss that maybe has been kicking our ass for a really long time and go, you know what? I think I got this shit. I think I see what this actually is. And I think I can use my skills to get past this fucking level, to get past this boss that has been hampering me and hindering me. And when I talk about bosses, I mean like trauma, trauma responses, ways that we're not being present, things we do that diminish our quality of health and life and love, those things. And we all do them. That's something I would just want to be very clear about. Most of the lessons I've learned, profound lessons, not most, but a lot of them, have come through relatively painful experiences, peppered suffering all throughout. And at the time, you question it and you do the whole joke thing, like why God has thou forsaken me? Why? Why must I go through this experience that is clearly uncomfortable? And you may not even see a light out, a way out, you may just see just a hopeless situation that's grinding you down into a pulp where you're just going to be a shell of a human being. How's this for an uplift? So guys, good one, right? But what I mean is, is like you get to this point where sometimes that's how far you need to go down, like into the cave, into the underworld, to encounter the shadow selves, to encounter these aspects of being that are scary, that aren't really appropriate to let out into the light of day, that if you want to share with the world, you know, it's not something we can do freely in a society and culture on a regular basis. But sometimes you need to go that deep to really like get the goods, get the juice. And what I mean by that is, when can you implement these strategies? It's wonderful when everything is going great. It's wonderful when everything is smooth and it's clicking and your heart's desire is being fulfilled at every point in time. But what happens when you get a little lull in that energy? Well, what happens when you get like a maybe a little nose dive down and your situation, situations like relatively are completely different? What tools? What schools? What state of minds can we rely upon to navigate those currents effectively?

And that's what I think I've basically been putting myself through for the past year, two years inadvertently, of course, I'm not smart enough to do this shit inadvertently. But I realize now that why I kind of put myself through this spiritual emotional psychological ringer is to A, of course, like I spoke about in the previous episode, get a more holistic complete version of what the spectrum of life entails, all the emotional components that go into that from the very high to the very low and everything in between. But also to really like fully appreciate what my specific issue was. And that's going to be different for everyone, but they're all usually in a similar vein. And so this presence thing, like, again, my wife has said this to me for a very long time. She's like, I've known this about you. You have a very difficult time being present. And I just never understood that. I didn't get it. I just thought this is what life is. Of course, I'm being present. Of course, I'm always here and enjoying and having a good time. And even when I get mad, I'm present, but I wasn't. I was thinking of something that I could do in the future. And I also don't want to make it sound like I've mastered this concept.

I'm just now noticing for the first time when I'm not present. I guess that's a step that you have to take before you can do anything about it. But like, I'm just now doing that in my life. Like I'm 40 fucking years old. You know what I mean? Like, hopefully you're a lot younger than me and you have the benefit of examining this shit at a younger age because that's the shit that actually allows you to swim in the divine waters, right? The waters are the same, right? The waters that the psychotic drowns in are the same waters that the mystic swims in. Okay? And that's just the way it is. It's water is water is water. But how do you swim in those waters? How do you delight in those waters? How do you enjoy the mystic water being part of it and flowing with it rather than drowning, but not actually being able to drown, but sinking to the bottom like you have concrete feet? Like, what's the difference there? How do we make that internal shift? How do we change our perspective and our focus to allow that to be something that emanates from inside of us?

And to me, at least, I had to go through the shit of life to truly understand that I wasn't living a life of presence. And hopefully, and I do believe that I can take that realization and bring it forward. But I invite you to look and see if you were doing some of the same shit that I've been doing, because this is the one of the shorefire ways to knock you off kind of a manifestation or the ability to kind of psychically kill old identities and appropriate new states of consciousness. One of the best ways to do that is not be present because it takes a state of presence to access the divine. I want to repeat that. It takes a state of presence to activate and access the divine. It's there. It's always there. The spirits, the gods, the wonderful fucking amazing shit that resides within our consciousness, they're always there. They're always trying to communicate to us exactly who we are and what we're capable of. But it becomes almost impossible to see them if we get caught in the future and past worlds exclusively. And I don't want to shit on the future and I don't want to shit on the past. They're amazing. The tools of revision for past kind of emotional maneuvering is incredible. The ability to imagine and summon forth a wonderfully fulfilling future is incredible. But if we don't access the present moment, we don't actually have the ability to do that. And I know for some of you, this may just be like remedial 101 of course, but I can almost guarantee you that if you've ever struggled with any aspect of any of the shit I've mentioned on this show or anywhere else, it's because a degree of presence is lacking.

And this is what it took me a almost hellish experience to truly go through to realize like, this is my path. This is what I actually have to work on. And I'll just give you some examples of how I would pull myself out of the present. Let's say I'm enjoying a time with my family. But next I have to think about what do I have to do? Who needs to be picked up? When will I be able to do this? How am I going to get this done? Where do I have to go after that? And running loops like that, not some of the time, but all of the time, no matter how good or bad qualitatively my life was going, constantly running that pattern. And yes, that does lead to sometimes massive productivity. It does lead to being able to create and, you know, expand many aspects of your life. But there are ways to do that without constantly being stuck in that cycle. And again, this is just the way I've run my life. This hasn't been like, oh, I do this some of the time.

It's been such an ingrained part of my way of operating that I didn't even see it. Like, I literally didn't see that this was what I was doing. Even when it was pointed out to me, this is what you're doing. I still couldn't see it, which is kind of amazing and kind of sad that dense, that it didn't work. But just check yourself. And on the same token living in the past, what haven't I done? What could I have done better? Why didn't I do this? Those types of feelings, those types of thoughts are ultimately equally as restrictive as the future kind of gazing without being present. And if you notice yourself kind of residing in either of those worlds for an inordinate amount of time, just see if you're doing that. If you're having trouble accessing the imaginal space, if you're having trouble vibing out to where you can actually feel like amazing things are going to happen to you, even if your objective reality is projecting anything but that, if you're really having trouble doing that, well, I just check and check and check and see where your thoughts are going. I know that sounds overly simple. I know it sounds maybe to some of you just like completely common sense, but as someone who truly like thinks about this stuff and filters it through my moral, ethical, philosophical, logical filters, I miss this. I miss this completely, right? I did not understand that you can still be quote unquote successful and achieve all of these things, even happiness, even bliss, even ecstasy, by not being present. You can still witness those steps. I'll grant you their relatively fleeting and temporal, but you can still access them. But the profundity and the ability to dwell in those spaces is based on a concept of presence and being truly where you are at any given time. And you'll know you've hit that space when gratitude flows in like a fucking ocean. Because when I tell you, it's amazing to be alive and to amazing to have the things you have, no matter who you are and where you are, trust that that is a universal fucking truth. It's actually fucking amazing. And I say this as someone who has not had a pleasant year. I say this as someone who has gone through many things that are incredibly unpleasant this year. Still, when you do this correctly, when you tap into a feeling of true presence, the gratitude will overwhelm you to the point where you get stuck in inadvertent gratitude loops. And that is what happened. You go, Holy shit. Oh my God. I can't what the fuck like that will be your mind will almost be blown. And yes, I understand if you're depressed, if you're not in a state where that seems remotely possible, how far away that can seem, how unattainable and unachievable that can be.

But I also want to tell you, I was there very recently and I was stuck there for a very long period of time. So I don't want to make it seem like, Hey, you know, this is there's there's no way you're going to get stuck. There's no way things aren't going to kind of sour or turn bad. But I want to tell you just as much as that's true. It's also true with a slight reframing and a perspective shift and the ability to tap into presence in the present moment and really look at what's going on. You can pop out of it like a motherfucker. And that's one of the beautiful things about life too. We are always one step away from a profound realization about who we are, why we're here, what we're doing, what we're capable of, and where we're going. Right.

I just want to be clear about that. If you're always just one step away from that. And that's like a pretty uplifting and optimistic. And it should be something that resonates if you really get what I'm saying. Even if you're not having that happen for you, it is absolutely always on the tip of your tongue. And there are certainly things I've spoken about them on this show, plenty of things you can do to kind of tap yourself into that. But I just want to say, if you are having trouble or you've had trouble or maybe things have worked out and that they've kind of turned to ash in your hand or like dirt in your mouth when you're savoring something, try this present shit. Here's a novel idea. Try this present stuff. It's pretty fucking good.

And I know I'm kind of an idiot for saying this. Again, I know I'm like the person who discovers the Beatles for the first time. I'm like, have you heard this fucking band? The Beatles, they're really good. And they're like, yeah, dude, it's the fucking Beatles. No shit, motherfucker. We've known about this shit for a long time. But for me, I am an idiot. It took me four years to recognize I have not really almost ever been living a life of presence. And when I've identified periods in my life where I have been abundantly present, those are the periods where I look back and go, holy shit, I was on fire. Holy shit, that's when I was living fearlessly. That's when I was living with purpose. That's when I was living in a state of grace and ease. Those are the times.

I didn't know that before. I just thought there are these random fucking moments that pop up because I don't know. I'm exercising. I'm journaling. And of course, those things are positive, healthy things. You'll know when you've tapped into true presence, because your behaviors will coalesce almost no matter what you're doing into a healthy, profound way of living. It will almost be unavoidable at that point. Do you know what I mean? Like it's not something that you can, it's like you have to try hard to fuck that shit up if you're actually being present. And I also want to be clear about present. It can be incredibly painful. It is not just a joy, beautiful gratitude, inadvertent loop.

That will happen. That's when you work through some of the shit, like trauma, that's why I fought presence. That's why I fought being present. Because when you first tap into it, you have to fucking realize all the sad, horrible, mean, melancholy, pieces of life that you've gone through. That's there first. That's on the top layers. You're scooping this shit out. You're getting to the bottom of the fucking goop. I don't know what we're going through that it's goop. But that's like, that's there too. Those are layers and layers of that stuff. And it's not always easy. And it's sometimes scary. And sometimes the light will blind you because it's so much that you're attempting to look at. But I promise you, if you hang out there enough, you'll see that that also fades away.

It also can be looked at and face that and disintegrate into the ether when you're really willing to look at what's going on in the present moment. Because it is amazing. It is incredible. And I say this with no practical change in my circumstances. All the shit that has made me feel not good for the past, however long, still there objectively, right? I know absolutely it's clearing up. And I know absolutely that I have the power to summon forth and evoke these changes. But materially, all the same shit is there. But what has changed is my mind. What has changed is my heart. And the only way I was able to do that is actually face what the fuck was going on.

And of course, I'm going to have to go through more shit. Of course, I'm going to have to face deeper levels of trauma and fear and embarrassment and shame and guilt and all of these things. But when you do that willingly, when you do it like courageously, you will be rewarded with these mystical gifts and skills and magic and spellcasting. All that stuff comes. It does. And I wanted to do kind of attention about kind of how to operate outside the realms of karma. But let's just talk about karma as kind of like an energetic bank account that we have and kind of experience. Like the same way you have a bank account, you have money in it, you know, you put money in, you take money out, you're trying to get more all that stuff. And then one day you're just kind of like, is this stuff even real? Like what the fuck is going on here? That's also how karma exists. But we do operate within the laws of money in this realm quite a bit. And we do operate within the realms of karma. And what I mean by karma is this reciprocal energetic exchange. The seeds you so energetically energetically will be reaped. There is a way to work outside the realms of that. But you better be damn fucking sure you stay on it and know exactly what you're doing the entirety of the time. Because one slip up of that razor's edge of a fucking voyage, you will be bopped by karma pretty hard. And that is exactly I believe what happened to me is when you relax in a state of grace, not in a relaxing like surrender. This is bliss. This is wonderful. But kind of let your guard down in not in like a weird way, but just like let it you know, you just take things for granted, you allow things to be good, you start buying your own bullshit, whatever you want to call it, that will knock you off and get you into karma land really quick. But if you're able to stay in a state of presence in a state of now, that does buffer you against almost any ill kind of effects that you may be generating for yourself. Because remember, this is all self created shit, right?

We no one is doing to this to us. There is no externalized deity or demon or anything pulling the puppet strings of our existence and ultimately dictating where we go. Even if we go back to that kind of parasitic idea of these energy beings that are leaching off us or maybe making us do things, it's a reality that we've consented to if that's happening. Do you know what I mean? We're participatory. No parasite can live without the host. I just want to be very clear about that like no parasite, they need you to survive. So you have to believe in that for there to be that sustenance, right? So I just want to be again really clear that this is you self generating your reality. The imaginal techniques are there as a reminder and a signpost to show you what your true power is. But if you really want to access that with the full kind of power of and divinity of your being, just note how present you're being. And it doesn't have to be this weird fucking meditative, you know, let me get into presence. Let me fucking no, it's just like what notice where you are. What are you doing? How are you feeling? Are you avoiding reality? Are you avoiding the moments you're in? Why? Why are you doing that? And you know, you'll figure out those answers on your own. I can't tell you that because everyone's different. But I can tell you for me when this finally fucking clicked. I got through this nightmarish period where I could not figure out why things were happening to me. And I could not figure out how to get out of them.

And all of the things that I had used before and had spoken about before that were working so amazingly effectively, they just didn't work anymore. And I think, you know, I got the taste of this stuff, but I wasn't able to fully understand how that was prepared, how that meal was prepared. So when I tried to replicate it out, when I wasn't using the right ingredients or the right, you know, instructions, it just wasn't working. But I can tell you, if you get to this state of recognizing where you are and the gratitude begins to flow in and you're generous of enough person that you spin that gratitude out back into your realm, back into your world, you're going to have a hell of a time in the best possible way. And I also want to be clear that like, that's when you tap into the true essence of what's actually going on and people can, you know, debate on this and everyone's experience is unique, but truly what generates our being. And I know this. You may know it too, but it is an unconditional love. It is an unconditional grace, love, and support that is here for you because it is you. That is what's generating every aspect of our reality. And when we forget that, when we get out of resonance with that, that's when things get funky. That's when things go wrong, quote unquote, and things don't actually go wrong. You're just going to learn a lesson a very specific way when that happens to you. And you'll see and you'll laugh and you go, Oh my God, why don't I put myself through this? I'm such a fucking donkey. Like, what did I do?

But you will recognize this is the kindest, most benevolent, most awesome, warm, amazing love that one can experience. It's what we all feel in the arms of a partner we truly love. It's what we all feel when we hold our children and just can't even understand what the fuck this is all about. It's what we all feel when we hear that piece of music that pierces us to our soul and you're like, Holy shit, how is this fucking exist? I can't believe it. That's what is supporting what we call reality, what we call life and a fucking men that that's what it is. It's pretty fucking awesome. Anyway, we're back, baby is all I'm here to say. I'm going to be going to Turkey in the next the month. We'll see. I don't know. It could be sooner rather than later. We'll see how this imagining works. So when I'm there, I will still be recording podcasts. The Patreon is fucking rocking guys. We're doing zodiac readings. There's some good shit going on. We're having a blast.

We did some Hemi sink downloads. This is the best time ever to join the Patreon. I'm not just saying that because I want you to join because it's fun. I'm saying it because I neglected it for so fucking long that this is really like I'm making up for it. I'm blasting out shit that I think is really good. We're doing a mix of all the fun stuff we do on the show. And yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who's continued to tune in. We're getting back in the fucking groove. I can feel it in my heart. I can feel it in my soul. So I'm just glad you guys are here. And you know, all the old episodes, by the way, are back on Spotify. It was limiting them to the most 100 recent. So if you missed some of those episodes in 2019, 2020, where I went into the imaginal techniques, often and in depth, you can go check those out, right? The imaginal techniques, one, two, three, there's a whole bunch of that stuff. That's just great. So go ahead and check that out. And as I mentioned in the beginning, Hot Alien Summer Camp is taking place August 17th to 20th. Please check the links on that. It's a good time. Ryan Singer, Karen Rontowski, who I just wanted on her podcast, that should be out at some point. Go check them out. It's pretty fucking amazing. All the details are there in the podcast notes. With that friends, until next time, I'll see you soon. I love you.

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