Bill Patrick

(upbeat music) ♪ Oh, you are an inch evening ♪ ♪ I don't know where you're coming from ♪ ♪ Oh, you are an inch dream ♪ ♪ I tell the world you seem to change now ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your heart ♪ ♪ At name I tell the world ♪ ♪ You seem to change now ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your heart ♪

Welcome to Synchronicity. My guest this week is Bill Patrick. Bill is a DJ, just good culture connoisseur. He's also one of the funnest people I've been around in a long time. He picked me and Denise up when we got back from Turkey and it was nice enough to pick us up from the airport and just generally just a very pleasant person and I've gotten to know him a pretty good amount over the past week and he's going back to Brooklyn and soon and I was like, you know, we should do a podcast. I think it'd be pretty cool. We've been talking about a lot of shit and it became clear in this episode that a way I had been feeling, I don't know, for the past few weeks, which is weird to say when you're on a vacation and you're going through things, but there seemed to be this feeling of being stuck or like kind of this push-pull dynamic, this oscillation stuff.

I know we've been speaking a little bit about it in the Patreon with some of the questions that have been coming in, but just kind of this like stuck, like repeating of patterns, like what's gonna happen next? And obviously a lot of people are going through uncertainty, but a lot of fears are coming up for people, a lot of insecurities, a lot of, you know, fear of failure and rejection or maybe you feel like you're not doing the things you're supposed to be doing or you don't know what you're supposed to be doing. Like a lot of this shit has been coming up for a ton of people, so we decided to talk a lot about that and Bill was awesome enough and vulnerable enough to share kind of his own perspectives of kind of having the career that he's had and trying to figure out what he wants to do now.

And, you know, I and Denise have been encouraging him to kind of start his own projects, whether it's a podcast or just get some of his content curation skills, you know, and allowing people to kind of support him 'cause that like, I think we're in this really cool era and you'll hear us talk about this in this episode of where if you really want to do something and you have an authentic voice and you can have a conversation with people and really share your perspective in like a funny or cool or insightful way, like this is the time to be alive and there's so much shit going on out there in the world and no one really knows what's happening that if you can just kind of get up the courage and confidence to kind of put your shit out there and allow people to support you, you'd be surprised how well received that can be.

And, you know, it's just, I like to support cool people. So, you know, if anything you hear you like from Bill, I mean, he's an amazing DJ. Also his playlist that he's been sharing this weekend or over the past week have just been amazing. I've been like siphoning songs left and right. I'll also have the latest synchronicity playlist up. Probably if not during this episode shortly after, I think we're on number 40. Those are the playlists I put together for songs for this podcast, you know, chill out, take some drugs, listen to them. It's fun times, but Bill has a ton too. I'll probably stick some into this episode, but basically we want to see people like Bill succeed.

These are people doing, been around the block, seen a lot of shit, but basically know how to hang out and be cool. And I think that's kind of where something I've been talking about with Sean and Cass a lot about kind of, we were talking about this psychedelic morning show, but just kind of like sharing what we're doing 'cause we feel good, we feel like we're doing cool shit, like getting better at sharing that on a regular basis. So you can check Bill out on Instagram, there'll be links to like, I'm sure his website, SoundCloud, all of these other things. I'll make sure I get all the stuff in order before I post the episode, but go check him out.

He's got really good stuff. His Instagram stories are great too. We had a mouse escapade over at Dreamland this weekend, Baby Mice and all these other things. Anyway, it's a good time. I think you're really gonna enjoy this episode. I think you're gonna particularly enjoy it if you've been feeling stuck, or you feel like maybe you're alone in feeling stuck or everyone's doing so well and you're not. And like, this is something on this podcast. I know like, if I get too overly zealous and share, only the amazing things that are happening in my life, which to me, granted, there's a lot of amazing things.

You can forget that I also and everyone else goes through difficult times. And those times are actually the times that really make us appreciate when shit is going really well. So while it may seem kind of like a bad situation or an or tough or difficult situation, when you approach it with the perspective that that's what happens right before, you kind of get these amazing things. It's like the ebb comes before the flow. Then shit kind of gets a lot better. So anyway, that's this episode. I'll catch you on the flip sign for details on the Patreon. It's a long episode. It's a good one. Without further ado, here's my friend, Bill Patrick.

(upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

All right, I'll be the pussies ambassador.

The toxic male mediator.

Yeah, I think that sounds a little toxic there.

All right, well, it's rolling. We're good. We have X, Y and we have the, thanks. I don't do intros 'cause I do intros before, but I'll do an intro.

Sure.

Bill Patrick. It depends.

I just keep it rolling.

I usually do. I usually put almost everything.

I think I guess the thing you got in the beginning is sad or something.

No, sometimes. I feel like if sometimes people aren't sure like whether I'm gonna do an intro. Yeah, I'll say like, I'm not gonna do it. I've had it happen before. We're like, like probably 20 minutes in there. Like are you gonna introduce him? I'm like, well, I don't do it like that. But I will do it. Bill Patrick is here.

Hi. Thanks for the intro though.

Yeah. (both laughing) We've had a lovely weekend the past five days, six days. I don't know. It's all melded together. We got off a plane. You picked us up and we're like immediately here.

It's almost been a week, I think.

Wow. Well, we're gonna have a regular fun conversation today. I think one of the things you were talking about before we were all talking about is this idea of not only feeling kind of stuck but going through like a transitional phase amidst like a really weird time to be doing that objectively, not just like a personal one, but like just in reality. I think like a lot of people are experiencing this now 'cause like they're being forced to change their patterns. But you know, talking about that type of shit, I think a lot of people, I was noticing that people feel stuck. Like people just feel like genuinely.

At the moment.

At the moment.

Yes.

More so than ever even in the past few months or anything. Like I just feel like just right now people are feeling like, what the fuck is this?

I think, well, I think it's reached. I think in the beginning of all of this, amongst the, you know, initial fear and uncertainty, there was almost after a couple of months, I think a lot of us, my group of friends anyways, were like, oh, this is a much needed break. This is cool.

Yeah.

Like sit back and maybe do some things that we didn't have the time to do, you know, before this. - Exactly, exactly.

But now I think it's reaching a point where a lot of us are like, okay, okay. Whoa, what the fuck's going on? We need to-- - Yeah, what's actually happening? - Yeah, what's happening. The future is someone's asked, what do you, what's your plan for January or something? Like I don't even know what's going on in September, October. - Yeah.

I can't even think that far ahead. So I think it's reaching that critical point where we're starting to freak out a little bit.

Oh, I am, don't I? - I definitely, I mean, I think it was also like in the beginning, it was pretty exciting. And I also say this as someone who like, I'm fully appreciative of the fact that like, what I was doing just before this is relatively immune from a lot of like, at least like the financial or like life trajectory paths that were going on. Like a lot of my shit is remote. Like I do weird shit that like, I somehow figured out a way to like get people to like, be interested in and pay attention to and financially support even. But pretty much everyone I know, like whether they were doing traditional jobs or like DJing or musicians or artists, like this is now at the point where it's like, there's severe impacts on like what people were doing.

And it's not like just this opportunity to create and have fun and like take a break, which it is, but also like it's trying to like get people to refocus on what they feel like they should be doing in a time where it's probably as nebulous as it's ever been in terms of like, what's realistically possible? Like, what can you really do? Well, what are you, what are you gonna do?

Aside from panic, I don't know if it's funny because the first couple of months, just like everyone, I was like, oh, I am a Michelin star chef now. I'm cooking every day, I'm dabbling in production, I'm doing yoga, everything was just so open. And then it's reached that point as well, where that's run its course. And now it's like, okay, okay, I need to figure out how to make some money. And that is mildly terrifying when you're going through this, what I'm going through as far as moving from Germany, Berlin, where I've spent the last 12 years. So now coming to America in the midst of all of this on top of the civil unrest and everything that's going on.

So it's interesting, it's a challenge, which is always good. But I really don't know, I'm trying to sit down and hope that something one day just clicks. And I'm like, ah, this is how I'm going to bring in a lot of money and feel creatively.

Now you're talking my language.

Yeah, there has to be that combination. I can't just get a job. And maybe I'm being a diva, but I can't just get a job. Just to have money and not be creatively fulfilled and feel, if I go through these motions at this age, I think deep depression will follow.

It's not worth it. It's not worth sacrificing any like internal sense of who you are and what you need to be doing. And it's not to cast dispersions or like place of value judgment on certain types of jobs. Like I know people who are like legitimately happy doing things that I would never fucking do. Like yeah, I just couldn't do, they would crush my soul. And they legitimately enjoy doing it. I mean, all I can say for like the money stuff, 'cause I heard you speak about it before we started recording as you know, like Denise is like saying like, you know, like you can have the money and it's not so great, it's like, but there is something to be said about the level of like freedom that it can feel comes along with money or like abundance in your life.

Like whether it's a place you live at or you can just like buy shit and it's not a big deal. I mean, the only thing. I don't know if I'm putting too much focus on the money thing, but I think again, and I probably put too much focus on my age being 43. But when you had, I didn't come from money, first of all, came from like middle class family, whatever, was comfortable, struggled sometimes, but I worked my whole life until I started DJing and then if you wanna call that work, I was like, you know, traveling around the world and getting paid and it was great and I was afforded this amazing life where I had a great apartment.

I could do fly wherever I wanted to fly. And then when you kind of go through, I went through many ups and downs in any creative business. You go through peaks and valleys, right? So those become much harder as you get older. In your 20s and 30s, it's like, okay, it's harder to ride the journey, whatever. And then in your 40s, if you hit a down, you're in like the valley, which is where I feel like I am now, because of everything that's happening, it's hard to--

Pull out or see the other side?

Well, it just becomes, I don't know. I can't explain how I feel at the moment. I know a lot of people are going through the same thing, but the uncertainty of it all starts to--

Way on you.

Way on you and you try to stay positive and you're like, oh, everything's always worked out in the past somehow.

But it's harder to find me.

It's harder to find, but you also don't want to sit around and just be like, oh, something will come. You have to be proactive.

It's the line between, okay, so this is this classic line between expecting good things to happen, because your life kind of always has worked out even through good or hard times, but also not being too lax in the idea of that you don't have to do anything. This was something that like, when I started talking, I think last year, a lot about this imagination stuff, how you just imagine the feeling of having something or feeling something and then it inevitably happens. I got a lot of pushback from some of my artist friends who were like, yeah, but then you got to do the thing. And so like the classic example I was giving of like, you make a hit song or you have like some big success in your career path, you still have to make the album.

You have to make the song. It's just not gonna happen 'cause you sit back and imagine that it's like, there's still some level of proactivity that needs to be taken. What I've found, at least for like the abundant stuff and money things, and I've literally like, for most of my life, kind of just imagined reality to be like a paycheck to paycheck thing. Like, you know, however much I would make in that month, even if it was more or less, that was my life.

That's how I lived in, well, that's how I justified, I was saying the other day, that's how I justified spending stuff on how my next, how much my next gig was this and that.

I think the thing about the money thing that a lot of people are stressing for the first time, 'cause everyone's always like, it's not about the money, it's not about the money, but I think for the first time and in a very long time, people are starting, when you, you know, when a lot of people can't afford rent and then can't afford food and all of these things that are happening at the moment, it is about the money right now. People are worried about how to make their, you know, make rent and.

I mean, so what I did is this, is I imagined the feeling of having money and there's a variety of ways that I had money over the past year, not all, just like through work. Like I took out more loans than anyone has probably ever taken out personal and business, but I felt like it was, like I felt like I comfortably had enough. And when I started doing that, weirder and weirder means of money like finding my bank account that like, shouldn't have even made sense. They even that just signed up with like pandemic shit when the government just started like throwing money, you know, forgivable loans at businesses and shit.

If you latch on to like what it felt like when you were like making a lot and having a lot, you don't have to have it be attached to DJing or any other thing, but just feeling like you have that. And then just like really like certainly believing regardless of events or circumstances, especially regardless of what external reality is showing you and you kind of like lock onto it. This is kind of like this weird secret that I found works like over and it's like testable. Like you can actually like test this shit. And I found in moments like of like great uncertainty, which like I feel like the majority of people are going through right now, like truly like, what the fuck is going on?

Like reality is breaking down systems we use either like to care about. So there's just like totally going bonkers. If you can remember that like you're actually generating reality from like within yourself, not in a selfish like other people don't exist type of way, but like really like generating like luck, wealth, fortune, harmony, love, whatever you're looking for. I find these times to be like the most valuable in terms of opportunities because like shit doesn't get more atypical than what we're in right now. So I feel like you're probably, to me it feels like I've also just noticed this relationship in life.

Like when I really have been kind of at my like lowest, even in just like specific areas of life, maybe not in like cumulatively, but like those often are like the pivot or like turnaround points for like really good shit coming into my life. It hasn't always been like that. Sometimes good things just happen, but like really fucking like, I don't know what the fuck is going on type energy. It turns into something. It's like, wow. - Of course. I felt that way many times in life, especially in my career where things weren't going. So great. And I always said, you learn more about yourself through the hard times, obviously.

It's cliche, then when you're--

Totally. - You're coasting.

Yeah, exactly. So I am hoping to find, yeah. It's a low time for everyone. I don't want to get, you know, also, I also have a really a way of being like, stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone's struggling right now.

Yeah, but-- - Everyone is going through it. So just don't, like the whole woe is me. Every, you know, I'm-- - Yeah, I like that too, yeah.

I have no, everything's uncertain. I don't know what my next job is this and that. And in a way, it's comforting to know that we're all kind of in the same boat at the moment, you know?

Yeah, everyone is kind of always in this boat because I think regardless of what it is that we think will make us feel secure or stable or just like good for like a static period of time, like that never comes from external circumstances first. Like that can help nudge you there. Like it could be more comfortable, it can be more relaxing, it can be more like peaceful, but like an internal sense of like peace, comfort, or like harmony, like that's, that starts. Like you have to like summon that feeling first and then let outside reality like catch up to you. That's kind of what I've noticed specifically.

And like, you know, I say this, is like when you really make this commitment that like you can generate your reality via your feelings or feeling like your beliefs and just like accept like ridiculous shit. Just like ridiculous things in life that like seemingly don't make any sense, but you really believe that there and expect them to happen. You know, that's basically the world I've been living in. For I feel like my whole life, but I like caught on to like I was actually doing this. Like people will talk about this with like synchronicities or like coincidences, like where they feel like something was gonna happen.

They had a dream about something and that happened.

I've experienced it.

Deja vu and things like that. I feel like that's like a more accurate representation of us like catching on to like what's always happening, like regardless of time. And yeah, I have a feeling that if you experiment with some of this stuff, you would enjoy it. I also feel like a lot of this stuff get like this manifestation or like consciousness stuff gets like this weird kind of nebulous, like you can't prove it, but you can't disprove the type of stuff.

Yeah, I mean, I've been cynical in the past and I would say as I've gotten older, I've become more open to these things. I mean, like I said, I told you before, it took ayahuasca last month for the first time and this was something for many years, I could not handle anyone talking about as two things I despise. Someone talking about their dreams and then someone talking about the ayahuasca trip.

Totally.

Because the ayahuasca trip, I mean, I knew obviously how powerful and profound, but every once you get somebody and they get you in the corner and they start talking about their ayahuasca trip, forget it. It's over, you can be there for hours. And I understand everyone, it's a very personal thing and I'm not about to do that right now.

I speak to make this whole podcast about my ayahuasca.

Do you know how many people have spoken about like their ayahuasca trips at length on this podcast and like I hadn't done it until earlier this year. For some reason, everyone just assumed like let's talk about the ayahuasca stuff. And you do, you realize like the profound mystical experiences that people go through. I think I was like blabbing about mine like the week after and then I realized like, you know, I thought it was like an internally valuable experience that maybe doesn't have to share it all of the time. There was a friend that after the weekend, he was like,

I'm gonna tell everyone they have to do it. I can't believe how amazing it is.

No, no, no, don't do that. Don't be that guy. Let, you know, you should, it's okay to explain how nice it was.

People get excited.

People get excited. I know, and who am I to tell someone not to share whatever they went through? I mean, I just personally, it's a very, you know, intimate situation and experience. And I just chose not to go out and tell every detail about, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. - Evangelize, yeah, exactly.

Yeah. - So, but what I was saying is I'm open now. I am definitely more open to these.

This is what it is now.

Yeah.

This is where people have gotten to. I also recognize like, to me it felt like reality was breaking down just in terms of like how everything worked. Just in terms of like the logic of the world, like I feel like I caught on to that like way too early for my own good because I was like, this shit is fucked. And I think everyone understands that on some level, but I really started to see how like people's beliefs and structures, like we're just like shaping a system that like literally was inevitably gonna break down. And now I think we're in like the pretty hardcore breakdown of what's going on.

So how do we navigate through this? How does someone at my point in life, which is like prime midlife crisis.

Totally.

That's essential fucking everything now is, I took ayahuasca at 43. That's like midlife crisis might as well buy a Ferrari and grow a ponytail.

Well, it's cheaper to do ayahuasca than my Ferrari. So, but it is a point and especially now with everything that's going on where we're just like, all right, what's the next fucking step here? What am I supposed to do? When everything was kind of in a way, I know this sounds like a very male privilege, a white and white privilege in my life where I was, I mean, but I don't, I obviously don't see it that way 'cause I think a lot of it was luck. I was in a lot of success in life is luck being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people. And this is why a move for me at this point, this is what I felt like I needed to do.

Just be around a different scene and try and and try and meet some people. But then on top of that, how do you do that when you're socially awkward and you don't want to go out and which is something I'm dealing with? When you're afraid of rejection, which is another thing we spoke about, all of these things at this point, when you're in your 40s and you've built up a whole wall of defenses and you're trying to go out there and find a new career or whatever it is or a new someone, a partner.

Yeah, all of this shit.

And now you're afraid of rejection. You're insecure about what kind of actual skills you obtain.

Yeah, where are you in life? Yeah, fuck it.

I've thought about a job for many years outside of music. And I was terrified 'cause I was like--

What skills?

What kind of skills do I actually have? What have I done? I've traveled around the world, played music, and stayed up for way too long. And how does that, how do I pitch that in an interview to someone? But then I was like, I've also traveled around the world for 20 years and that is an incredible education and--

Totally. I also think like trying to pitch yourself to someone else is probably not something to be focusing on given just like, you know, how long I've known you and what I've seen, like you have enough to actually do something without having to work for someone else. And I think that's also something that's coming into a lot of this, something you don't work with other people. There's nothing wrong with that. But like, you know, talking about your life experiences and being honest, like that to me is like the most valuable skill that I'm seeing.

Being honest is a skill that I think--

It's like the biggest commodity for people--

And also having a bit of a self-deprecating--

You can't take yourself too seriously.

Yeah, you have to know how to take the piss out of yourself because we're living in a world where I think, man, everyone is so, there's so much tension. Everyone is so uptight. Everyone is taking themselves way too serious, especially on the internet and stuff like that.

You could like take the piss out of yourself, make fun of yourself and understand that--

Yeah, the same thing.

We're all kind of idiots and, you know, we're just trying to get through the best we can. I think it's definitely more relatable. I've seen that on my side from my social media, I know that people can appreciate me calling myself an idiot and a piece of shit sometimes because sometimes you do piece of shit things.

You have to come up to it too. And also like there's this, so like I worked behind the scenes with like a lot of spiritual people of like written books and done all these things and they're very nice people generally but you see the same type of behavior that you would see from any normal human being. Like sometimes they're a little greedy, sometimes they're a little caddy, sometimes they're a little defensive, like just regular shit that people go through. But then there's this persona that's projected out into the world of like not having those or like paying them lip services, foibles of like being a person.

That I think is getting more and more exposed as like, that's why I think this, you know, influencer culture and all of these things are kind of collapsing a little bit because people are just like tired of seeing like what are clearly like artificial personas being presented. And people like genuinely just wanna hear regular shit and then your skills of like having stayed up really night and being all over the world. Like what I call like professional hanging out, like that's a skill. You know, there's always a group of people who are like literally going into like the deaths of like human consciousness on the edge of like, whatever, drug, doubt, experience is happening.

Lee and Warren, that's interesting shit for a lot of people, especially if they're not probably to those types of experiences.

How do I monetize that? Also, I wanna interrupt and just say for the last three minutes, I've been trying to figure out if I said self-defecating and it's like deprecating. And I really think I said defecating. So I wanna go back and we could cut that out and post the felt-defecating sense of humor. So yeah, how do you monetize being, I don't know, hanging out? But the thing is, is that I am not for a long time in, well, any career in the arts, I think you have to have, you have to have some kind of like social skills. And I think that was something that I possessed in the beginning. When you have a whole career and you go through all of the motions of whatever, going out to clubs or going out to after parties or meeting these people that, and you start seeing all the bullshit.

And then you start becoming a little bit jaded and you start, you're not trusting everyone. You're just like, oh, what do these people want? And I felt, I fell into that. And I completely was like, I don't wanna go out. I don't wanna be social, I don't wanna go to an after, I always wanna go home to my hotel, I wanna sleep. I don't wanna take drugs. I wanna be sober for the flight home or the next gig. And yeah, and then you just become, I don't know, where I'm at my point now where I don't feel like I wanna go out and socialize and do the chitchat, the small talk and all this stuff.

Yeah, that stuff can get kind of brutal. I mean, in doses, I think it's fine. But like, I think it's important in these times, like what we were talking in these times, Jesus Christ. But to like really focus on what you want to be doing most of the time.

Everyone I've spoken to is like, "So what do you wanna do?"

This is the main stock thing I was talking about.

No idea what I wanna, I can't tell you what I want to do. But does anyone out there know, right now, sitting at home, what do you wanna do for a living or what is even possible?

Like what would, like for me, when I think about that, like I'm, I really like what I'm doing with this podcast. I like a lot of the things like I'm getting into in my regular life that I get to kind of fuse into it. I know I really like to make music so I know that's gonna be a part of my life. So I focus on those things. And then if I find myself in situations where maybe like, I'm not doing as much as I wanna be in those situations, I just try to honestly look at like, are the circumstances aligning for me to actually get the shit done? Am I gonna be fighting against something? Am I supposed to be learning some other thing here?

Am I supposed to be like preparing for a thing? And usually just if I start like, assuming that the situation is for the best, even in times where it feels like I'm kind of stuck or like shit isn't working out, as soon as I start to accept like this shit is just like, it's part of it, it's good. I'm gonna accept that it turns around relatively quickly, whether that's like an emotional state or like a financial state or a relationship state or just like what am I supposed to be doing state? It's like a trick. It's like what I was telling a lot of people in these readings recently is like, they'll be like, I don't know what I wanna do.

I just can't figure it out. I have this issue, I can't figure it out. And I'm like, every time you think, like I don't know what I wanna do, I can't figure it out. Just catch yourself thinking it and then switch it and be like, how did I figure it out? And that's all you have to say. You were like, I didn't actually figure anything out. Your conscious mind will be like, you didn't figure anything out, but if you just switched like the syntax of the thing, like how did I figure it out?

How did I figure it out?

What you wanna do, this, whatever it is, how you got an amazing person in your life, how you made all that money. Like you literally switched the verbiage and the tense of what's going on. 'Cause the trick with a like a lot of the shit is you just live from the state where it's already happened. Like you assume you hit the home run. You assume, assume you're Michael Jordan, you fucking just take over games whenever you're supposed to. That's all anyone's doing. That's like the zone or like inflow or whatever. It's just like accepting that as a state that's inevitable. And then like your actor part, which is like this part of you, this avatar, goes through the motions of doing it.

But like there's a lot of like scaling up into like top level beliefs. So like you can focus on something that you don't even necessarily think is like that plausible, but something that you could believe somewhat readily.

Sure.

And so like the one thing that I was telling people to do last year and you know still refer people to a lot of the times is this idea of when you're going to sleep that night, I also think it's good if you're on like ketamine or you're high or you're drunk a little bit. Just like a loosened state of consciousness. Just like you're just gonna be a little more accepting of things like just that state right before you're going to sleep, before you fall asleep. Like you're unwinding your mind. You're gonna go to sleep that state. In that state you imagine, so you see in your mind's eye from within your own perspective.

So like the same way you're looking out into the world now. You see it from within your perspective. You're not watching a movie of yourself doing something. You're watching something from your perspective. You find something, you can do this before you go to sleep, that you really want. And it doesn't have to be some like mystical fucking inner piece enlightenment. It can be like $20,000. It can be like someone super hot and cool and funny who is fun to have sex. It can be like literally anything. There's no like judgment of what's actually gonna be happening in terms of what you're thinking.

So just a secure career at this point.

Secure career, the feeling, so for that I would pick if it's a big thing, a nice thing like that. The feeling of what it would feel like, not the thing itself, but the feeling of what it would feel like if you were telling someone or doing something that implied that that had already happened. So you're not gonna be in the middle of the career trying to figure out exactly what it is, but you're gonna have this feeling of like what, telling someone like, wow, I'm doing the perfect thing. Like this is actually what I was supposed to be doing. I knew I was gonna get here. There was some point where I was kinda like doubting myself and I'm not sure, but like, this is what it feels like.

You give that the tones of reality. So again, from within your own perspective, something simple, like five seconds or less, just like repeating a phrase, hearing someone say something to you that validates it. You just do that as you're drifting off to sleep. You do that as many times as you want. Don't take any external action. This goes back to like, you know, what do I have to do? What do I have to figure out? You don't do anything, really. Sometimes you can if you want like, you know, you're not like prohibited from doing it, but you really don't need to. And the reason I said you don't in the beginning is you don't wanna like make some story that fills in the blanks of, oh, it happened because of this.

You almost wanted to be like a magical and probable thing. In my experience, regardless of the size of the thing you're summoning forth for yourself there, some shit happens because it's like this liminal boundary between going to sleep and sleep. It's like directly talking to your subconscious. It picks up that thought and then things start to happen in your life that conspire to make it happen.

It's manifesting it.

It is manifesting it and then it's accepting it and the implications of what it means if that's true, right? If this is like really something that is an operative principle that you can do this whenever you want, like it does change kind of our perception and interaction with external reality, which is fun, but can also be very scary. And when things go fucking, hey, why? You can be like, why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Like what's going on? But it's ultimately I think pretty liberating. But that technique I started using for like a base level shit, like this was not like some mystical journey.

I was like, I need money. I was just about to have another kid, I had two kids. Like I need money. I feel stuck. I feel like my career that I had was drying up. It's basically over. I'm like living off like these crypto gains that are like slowly dwindling. And it feels just worse and worse and like that. So I use this technique to just feel like I had money looking at my bank account, not thinking anything. And then all of a sudden, I think it started with this YouTube stuff. Like all of a sudden, I started making like four, $5,000 a month on YouTube from like ads for these videos that I was like cleaning up audio from.

I can't believe these ads really.

Dude, it's so, it's like--

So stupid little force, 15 seconds that you could skip after four seconds.

Yeah, because with like hundreds of thousands of views, if someone clicks one.

Someone's actually clicking those, that's--

Dude, that's how they work. It's like 0.05% of people click the--

I said recently, I don't think anyone in the history of the internet has ever clicked a pop up.

Maybe even by accident, it counts.

By accident, sure, you're right. I mean, an ad is one thing. But you know when you try to stream a movie in like five different windows pop up and no one's ever been like, oh, that looks interesting. Let me click that pop up.

No, but the mistakes.

It's all, but the mistakes, yeah.

The mistakes.

Jesus.

They get shown the mistakes.

It's just a web of lies and ads. But anyway, it started with that shit. From there, I just basically started to accept like, okay, this is what it feels like to have money come in from like weird places. 'Cause I had never experienced that in my life. Like it was always a pretty straight exchange between like working on shit and then getting money for it. Then I started taking out loans 'cause I'm like, what the fuck? Like I've established a certain level of credit. Like these banks want to give me money. Like at the end of the day, like that's what they want to do.

I'm fucking terrified to it.

Oh, my friends were too. They started calling me crazy. They're like, that's the last thing. They're like, you're nuts. And then my friend, I think Denise May have mentioned her, Jessa was, I heard her say a couple of times that she had filed for bankruptcy twice and she did this thing where she fucking like ran up all this debt. And then right when she was going through bankruptcy, bought a car at like reasonable monthly payments, continued to pay for the car through the bankruptcy and then had like great credit 'cause she'd been had an asset to her name through bankruptcy. And like, you know, someone says that.

You're like, what the fuck that sounds? 'Cause she had done it twice. And she's like, yes, just the game. It's just like all the people who are successful, they none of it's really their money. It's all like this borrowed money from banks and they want them to. It's like the made off shit at the end of the day. Like, but for real. So I was like, all right, fuck this.

Yeah, how do we fuck the system?

No, being fucking the system, that's amazing. And the thing is, it's like you're not--

Since they've been fucking us for so long and we're completely fucked at the moment.

Just do it. - How do I--

Just do it.

So I was teaching-- - File for bankruptcy. Get a car. - Well, I mean, what I was doing is taking out a bunch of personal loans. Then I took out a bunch of business loans. Then I, you know, you see me do this crypto shit. Like all of a sudden, the money I had for that was like, all right, let me throw it into crypto. We went a couple times there. You lose, you don't sell, and you still have the money. You just play around and let things happen. And then in the meantime, like, I think what it does for a lot of people, which is what a loan is for. Like, if you really plan on doing something, for some people it lights a fire under your ass because the pressure of like having something you have to pay back for some people, it's like, you know, oh shit, I gotta do this.

For other people, it just feels like, oh, I can move a little bit more comfortably in life, get myself set up in the situation I wanna be set up in. And then like, really work from a state where like, accepting, if I use this weird imagination technique, can I manifest my own reality? It becomes a little bit more easy to approach than like someone in like the throes of a very difficult situation.

Well, you're taking the point of taking out a loan for me would be to put it towards whatever. Like, there's no point in me taking out a loan and then not having any income, coming in to pay it off. So taking out a loan and then putting it towards what? To start the foundation of a, you know, like most people take out a loan to buy a house or to open up a business, you know what I mean? But what am I?

I think you do it to basically, you wanna have a plan of how it feels to be accomplished in something. That's the first thing. So that was like your main thing that you wanted. Like, how does it feel to feel like you've done the thing you wanted to do in the way you wanted to do it? What are you eating? Just like casually eating.

Just come in here and candies, bars.

Wait, is that a protein bar? I'm good, I'm okay, well, thank you. But the feeling, we're trying to figure out how to do career manifestation stuff, which is totally doable. Like a lot of people do this. It's the feeling of knowing you're doing the right thing and talking about the wealth dynamic.

No, I haven't talked about the wealth dynamics. She found a good thing. But that's not what we're talking about.

Who I need in my team? What rich people I need around me? (laughing)

It's just one kind of energy carrying, there are I think eight types of people. There's like an accumulator, a deal maker, and a creator and a star.

Would I be a creator?

And you gotta take the test.

I have to take a test to figure out where I am.

It costs $97.

Does it really?

Fuck outta here. (laughing)

$97 to tell you if you're, see, this is what I need. I need to be able to develop a test and charge $97 to tell people.

You can do it, believe achieve.

If they are a creator or what? What are the other ones?

The star.

Mechanic.

The star.

Mechanic.

Lord.

Lord.

Lord.

You can be a Lord. Deal maker.

And then what happens when you figure out--

You gotta find like the other component part to your team.

That's all right.

Of course.

And I need a deal maker and a Lord. Be the creator, he needs an accumulator and--

Oh, you only need two other people.

Supportor.

Supportor.

Yeah.

I need a supporter.

It's pretty useful stuff.

I'm co-dependent, so I have a team. (laughing) Only for $97. Great.

I--

In this day and age, things that are not free are somewhat more trustworthy to me.

That are not free?

Yeah. There's a mix.

You're paying with your soul for something like--

You think you're paying with your soul?

I feel like a weird shit that they put in there to make it, you know, everyone gets their money somehow.

You're taking something from you at some point.

For sure.

Yeah, I get it.

Attention, time.

And I see the whoever's making them buy CBD from a podcast. You know, just a real--

He's selling CBD?

Yeah, man, my CBD people are fucking some of the coolest.

This is a, this magic potion CBD for me was a, in the beginning, I thought, oh, maybe it has some, 'cause I suffer from anxiety. So I was like, I would like to get all Xanax, and I'd like to just at least try something natural to see.

Yeah, totally.

But I don't know. I don't know, I also think you have to do it for at least a couple of months to start seeing--

You need a real regimen. I think one month, like doing it regularly, I was taking it like quite a bit when they first started sponsoring me and they sent me a bunch, and it was really good. I mean, I smoke so much weed that the CBD at this point is just like, I don't need it for like physical wellness, but I do think a lot of people who don't like the psychoactive effects, who like, some of the more body effects of it, like if you take high enough doses with the right stuff.

I've never felt anything.

Yeah, do you feel stuff if you take edibles, like with THC?

Wow, funny story about edibles, because I don't like smoking weed anymore. I stopped a couple of years ago. I just didn't like the way it made me feel like it came--

Yeah, that's totally about it.

Like, just unmotivated, and I've paranoid, and so my father suffers from, he had back surgery a long time ago, so he's got some chronic pain. Luckily, he's not on any heavy painkillers, but someone recently suggested, maybe you should take some edibles. So I was in San Francisco, and--

Oh my God.

I was like, yeah, I'll pick some up for you. Easy, there's a couple of shops here. I spoke to the promoter, a couple of friends, they told me, go to this place, buy these edibles, tell them that you need it for pain and some not.

So they give me two different kinds. One was, I think, 30 milligrams? Is that sound about right?

That's a fair amount, yeah.

The other was 10, and so I brought it back. I went back to New York, but then there was, my dad's never, I don't know what kind of drugs he's taken. We haven't talked about this. Maybe when he was younger, he took some acid.

Yeah, yeah.

But, so I'm like, let me take one just to see what he's getting into. - He's getting straight, yeah.

So I took the 30. - Oh boy.

And I decided to go walk out into, I was in Brooklyn, and I was like, let me just do some errands. I found myself in Whole Foods. I was in the hot sauce section for what I realized was an eternity, staring at hot sauces, and then hit me in my head. I was like, oh no. How fucking long have I been here? And what, and then I started to just get paranoid, and I was like, oh my God, I'm super fucking high right now. I've been in this hot sauce section, staring on hot sauces for probably an hour, and I need to get home right away. I'm not safe, and this is like, I'm having a breakdown in Whole Foods.

I went home and I started watching the Bob Dylan documentary, and it took this documentary is, I think, an hour and a half, two hours. Took me six hours to finish it, because I couldn't pay attention. My mind just started going off into, and I was like, fuck, I gotta rewind it. This was a fucking nightmare, and this is why I'm like, I can't do edibles. Edibles are the same thing, like... I gave it to my dad, I was like, and you know what he said? I didn't feel anything. And then I started thinking, maybe, and this is giving myself way too much credit here, what if my brain is just too developed, in a sense, like, I'm so, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Good, listen, my dad sits at home, he's playing on his iPad, he's watching fucking sports. There's not a lot going on at this point. There's not a lot of stimulus. Me, I have anxiety, I have existential fucking breakdowns about life, about the universe.

You got a rapid mind.

I got a rapid mind. So maybe the edibles aren't good for people who are...

You don't mean a dumb dumb?

A wide, you don't feel anything?

No, I get super... So for me, there came to a point with weed for me where I basically had to make a decision whether I actually enjoyed how it made me feel and whether it was a functional part of my life or whether it was just something that was not productive and didn't do it for me in the various ways. I find the aspects of paranoia, fear, kind of like, uncertainties. I feel like those, when you push through them and you understand they're usually just most of the time, just like, things in your head and you work through them, you get to this very not only pleasurable state on weed, but you carry it with you.

I find it's like, loosen the like, directional kind of constraints of the mind. So like, when you get familiar with it, high doses of edibles even become like very like, cozy, I think. So that's at least my experience with them.

I will say this. I will say of all the drugs I've taken in my life, nothing has fucked me up more psychologically than weed.

That's what everyone says.

There was one point, I swung the gravity bomb when I was in my 20s where I told my friend, you need to drive me to the hospital right now because I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, it happens.

I'm so high right now. I don't know what's going on, it was hearing voices. It was the worst and I've done as it, I've done everything and you know. And so, I just think, just like every drug, just like it works with some people, some people, they connect with it, some people love smoking meantica or whatever, I can't do any of that stuff. I just go down a dark path and my brain just starts spiraling. And I'm okay with it.

It's totally okay.

At this point in my life, I'm like okay, I know what drug works and what doesn't work and I know, you know, I don't wanna smoke a joint.

Yeah, and I don't know that CBD on itself is like something that's gonna help with that, you know.

Yeah, but back to the CBD, I just think also I feel like everyone, there's so many options at the moment and how much of it is actually real quality CBD or how much of it is.

The guys, this is gonna be like an ad for them, I feel horrible, but the guys I worked with, I had them on the show and spoke to them and just like kind of got a sense of like, they were really like, they really gave a shit, at least about this and they were investing like money back in these communities where they had these like drives and stuff and like they play music to the plants, just like shit you don't need to do. And they, you know, just like weird stuff like that, but it was like, you know what? They actually really care about what they're doing and I think they were trying to stand out like amidst like a lot of like just quick money, like CBD marketing stuff.

I do think the plant is fucking amazing. I mean, I feel very fortunate that the thing I really like to do is like having medicinal effects for a lot of people, but I don't think it's like a panacea, it's not like a cure all, none of this shit is.

No, I don't think so either.

For sure. - It's definitely crazy. I don't know how we got on that stuff, but I do wanna go back to the manifestation stuff for your career stuff 'cause I feel like it's not just for you, but for like a ton of people are in this position.

Yeah.

And like really like the only thing that's worked for me in my direct experience is maintaining kind of like what I definitely want, like an experience I want or a feeling I wanna feel and just like assuming like that will definitely happen and have like an expectation that it'll happen, even if like external circumstances are saying like there's no fucking way, like this is going funky big time, but like maintaining that that really is what's gonna happen, things tend to like straighten towards that destination in my experience. So like that's what I was saying, like these opportunities, like when shit is really uncertain, things are really weird, like if you can test that out as a thing, it teaches you a lot more than if things are going, good and like you kind of just coasting or you feel really lucky, that stuff is still great.

Don't get me wrong, but it's not as powerful like when you go through these periods of like, what the fuck am I supposed to be doing?

So I think in the moment where you even if something manifests, it's important to be dedicated to that feeling because it could just happen that day.

Totally.

And you don't keep riding with it. Then the next day you'll just go back to your default like whatever, like up to keep it acting.

Persistent. Yeah, yeah, that's a big thing.

I think also though, what's important in something that I struggle with is knowing when to kind of strike in the sense of like, we're all given an opportunity at some point, right? And so when we go back to this rejection thing, there's times where I've been talking to people and you know, I could manifest something, but when it's about to happen in real life and you need to know when to act on it, right? And you need to not be afraid of acting on something because you're afraid of rejection or afraid of losing a ton of money. If someone's like, oh, I have this great investment, you should put in some money.

I have a friend telling me about some stocks and it's just the idea of putting money into something. Like you said with Bitcoin, it's terrifying because I can't afford to lose 15, 20,000.

You can't feel like that. You can't feel like that. That's the thing. That's part of rejection as well.

It's the same thing. It's a fear.

100%.

You'll get to a point. Everyone does. I mean, I know that like people do this in all aspects of their lives where like that fear, rather than becoming like a deterrent that you turn away from, it's like a signal to move towards it. Like you can't be reckless. You can't just be like a total nup ball. Like in every dangerous situation, just move immediately towards it. But like situations like that that have like perceived risk and like just like, I can't afford to lose it. What it's actually doing is showing you where you're operating from. Like psychologically, emotionally, 'cause you're feeling like I don't have enough.

If you can just pretend like, you know what? This money is going to come back to me no matter what. Like the chances of it even going to zero if you need to rationally tamp it down are very low. But like this is money that you know what? You got to risk some of it to make some of it. The more you push through those circumstances, you see more often than not bad shit doesn't happen. I'm not discounting that like people don't fuck up. I've seen it a million times. But like if you're confident in some belief is like this really is serving kind of like another part of like your growth. I think you'll find it like encouraging when some of these fears come up.

Like that's how I try to approach most of the fears in my life now and I'm not always successful. I definitely like fuck up plenty of times. But like it is like a valid tool for like showing you what to move through and towards. Like those things don't become hindrances. They become like stepping stones for like becoming a version of yourself. Because like when you move through the life relatively fearless or you're not afraid of most things, you just have a lot more time to do whatever the fuck you want to do.

Sure, but I think you're also, those people, I think you'll find are afforded more of a, like a cushion to fall back on in a sense. Like right now when we're going through this time where everything is so fucking uncertain, you don't know a lot of people don't know where the next paycheck is coming from.

Totally.

So this, but I could also see it from the other perspective. Like now's a chance to actually do something.

It's wild card time.

Yeah, exactly.

It's wild card time. And also all I can say is this is most of the people I know and interact with enjoy fun. Like which is maybe a crazy thing to say. Like some people really don't enjoy having fun. It's not a priority in their lives. It's something they'd like to have. But like for me, having fun is like a big priority in my life. I think most of the time it's an option, if not all the time. But most of the time it is. So like if I want to choose the more fun route in terms of A how reality is working or A how to react in a situation where like, shit is objectively getting like crazy. Financially or otherwise, choose the fun route when in doubt.

We don't know how any of this shit is going to play out. No one does. That's how you end up in these types.

Well, life in general. You don't know how, what's all, I mean, the thing is I have fun but then I feel guilty.

Don't feel guilty.

Well, lately I have been feeling guilty. I'm like, all right. It's time to get your fucking shit together. Stop. You're living in this fantasy world where you're just like having fun with your friends and partying and continuing to live this life that you lived before everything was breaking down. But like the reality is like you can't, this is not sustainable. It's okay to have fun.

It depends what you want to do.

You have to also be like proactive and you can't, I've seen it in my industry. So many times people just get caught up in a gang and having fun and they're not actually accomplishing anything in life and then they get caught up in the drugs in the nightlife and they are, and I've seen some dark shit happen. So obviously it's okay to have fun, but you should also know how to keep a balance and be like, all right, enough fun for the month. Let me focus on, like we talked about yesterday, time to like maybe do a podcast, start focusing on something. So that is gonna bring in some money and where you feel less guilty for partying for a weekend.

So a couple of things there. First is expanding your idea of what is actually fun is like the first major scale. 'Cause then once you get to that, like you can actually start doing a lot of other things that maybe before you weren't doing but are actually fun. Like I found this a lot of times shit that I thought I was gonna fucking hate. I'm like, oh, I actually kinda enjoyed this. Like weird shit, like mowing the lawn. Like for some weird psychological bizarre reason, I enjoy mowing a lawn, like it's a fun thing. It's cathartic, it's like a Zen like thing. But anyway, when you do that, you have a better platform in terms of like, you know what, I can do a lot more things.

I have a broader kind of spectrum of things that I enjoy. I can go into like more experiences and not have to like define it based on like what I'm doing to have fun. That's number one, number two, I've also seen people go like really off the deep end into behaviors and patterns to chase like a high or chase like an experience. And like, I also have seen probably like you like enough of those experiences to see when it gets like very sad. It's not always sad, sometimes it's amazing. Like a celebratory, this is incredible, like perfect moment, perfect night. But sometimes it's just like this pattern and that is very like disheartening, I've found.

That said, if you have like a pretty clear idea of the shit that you like to do, like in life, regardless of what it is, even if it's going on every night, I could just hold it valid as a thing. But if you're clear about those types of things and just accept them like into your life, I think you'll find like there are always people who regardless of the activities you're doing are ready to have fun. Like are ready to like actually prioritize that in life no matter what responsibilities or things they have to do. Like, yeah, I mean, it's definitely like.

I think, I think personally, the way I look at it, I've managed to build a career out of having fun for the last 20 years, right? So now- - But you feel like you have to punish yourself, like.

In a way, yeah. - No, see, that's all right.

You've got this weird guilt where I'm like,

No, that's all right.

There's no way you're gonna have this next chapter in your life. - Don't do that.

Be fucking- - You're feeding it.

Completely like, I'm gonna find another career based on having fun. - No, don't do that.

I know, trust me. But I realized that- - You're actually fucking lucky. I have been to have a life. - It's a finite.

And to be able to hit the jackpot again is-

You do it, Mr. Jackpots, he's just do it.

And I know I should not think that way, but I also feel like, hey, you were afforded a pretty fucking good 20 years, right?

That's what you want, listen.

These last 20 years. - That's what you want.

How do I make it happen again? Trust me, I would love nothing more than to, this next chapter be like, now my photography takes off or now I start- - Yeah, just gotta use this shit.

Social media podcast thing where I make 30,000 a month. This and that. - You can do it.

It's not even that crazy. The thing is, if you really believe you have to pay, get paid back for the success you've had-

It's terrible, I know, I should have paid back.

If you actually feel like that, I guarantee you will run that movie. You're basically running movies that you call your life, and it's really your core beliefs that drive them, which is a very cool thing, because when you understand how to change the movie, even if it, you also need to probably just look at, guilt is an okay emotion for someone who really engages in a lot of destructive behavior. Like a lot, not like I think maybe I'm a bad bride, did some fucking thing. That's kind of normal baseline regular life ship, but someone who's really doing fucked up to guilt maybe serves an okay function for the majority of people in life today, it's totally useless.

It's not even like a bad thing. It's just like a thing that isn't really needed because it doesn't do the thing it's supposed to do, which is call your attention for a productive reason on like a behavior you should change. It just makes you feel kind of like bad and icky about maybe potentially good things that you're, you're totally allowed to win for the rest of your life. It doesn't mean you're in utopia and everything's coasting and smooth emotionally, like in your family.

Well, I was still, I was gonna say, when you said paying for it in a way, I'm not expecting one giant catastrophic, like here it is, here's the, this is what you get for having this like success and fun times. Throughout the last, throughout my whole life, I've dealt with tragedy or kind of suffering and we all do in one form or another. So, you know, in a way, it hasn't been this incredible, like, wow, the last 20 years have been absolutely perfect and easy going. We're all dealing with some kind of loss or suffering and stuff like that. And in a way, maybe that's just to keep things balanced.

And this is why going back to what I said about having, being honest, having yourself deprecating sense of humor. And you can't have that unless you've suffered unless you've dealt with tragedy or real shit this and that. And so, I'm able to tap into that and kind of embrace it because I've dealt with loss, I've dealt with rejection, I've dealt with like ups and downs, I wasn't handed everything on the silver spoon. So, I know, I know that I still feel a little bit of guilt to them to have, like I said, have a career based on having fun. And hit the jackpot again would be amazing. But I understand it's not guaranteed and it's something that I have.

The trick is, can you look at it and be okay with the fact that it can be guaranteed based on how you feel it should be? That's the trick. That's like when you're talking about my whole life, I felt like just around the corner, there was this like trick that like made all the things, I was like, I could do that if I wanted to do that. Like I could do that, if I really put my mind to it, I could do that. And there's some trick that would actually like trigger that. And then I like, I wanna say I found like the trick, but I know this thing like, if you really have a strong passion or desire, even if it's just to have a career based on having fun, that's totally achievable.

And I seem dramatic turns or turn around some people's personalities, social lives, financial situations, really quickly, just from being able to like fundamentally accept that and alter their beliefs. Like it's really fucking insane. Like I've seen enough of it at this point.

No, I know what happens for sure.

I've whether or not I can do it.

You can, I mean, it's, you've done it, whether you knew you were doing it actively or not. Like you were able to do it where you describe as having like success and hitting the jackpot, like you did this thing where at some point you just accepted like, this is my life, like this is what happens. Even if you were never like fully comfortable and like assumed it would last forever, you accepted that permutation of your life and it continued to happen.

Yeah.

That's literally how shit works. We base it a lot on external circumstances and factors. Like, oh, these people are paying me money to do this thing. Therefore I'm unable to do it, but it's really the other way around. Like, and when you do it in times like this, where like there's very few clear direct paths like towards building a traditional career or like having a system, you really feel a lot better about it. And like, yeah, of course you can do it for having fun. Honestly, all this show is, is me talking whether to another person or myself about literally the shit I went through and the course of a week, grand themes that maybe I noticed in my life or I noticed other people are going through.

Like, that's literally all it is. And like every episode I've put out where I'm like, yo, I think I've shared way too much. Like I sound like a bitch. Like, those are the ones where people like, oh my God, it's so good. And it's like, you really just recognize that like the act of doing that and being able to do it, like being able to like hang. Like you have these conversations with some people at a party and it comes to like a grinding standstill and be like, ah, I don't know.

We also have conversations with people, sometimes where I'm like, fuck, I wish I was recorded because we really tapped into some very important and relatable things that I feel like people could benefit from. And that's why a lot of times recently I'm like, maybe we should, I know the whole podcast thing is like, everyone's got a podcast at this point, right? And this is where, again, my concern with what other people fucking can't do that. And it's terrible. But I think it's a product of being in an industry where you're constantly being judged and your success is based on your relevancy. And being relevant is, wow, the worst thing that you can have a career, whether it's in art or sports or it's fucking terrible because it's incredible because once you start losing relevancy, that's a very important part in growth and kind of understanding yourself and understanding like, what is really important?

What am I worried about? Am I worried about what people think of me? Am I worried about, you know, if I'm still cool and somebody's fucking eyes, some idiot on the internet, think some cool and they want to come, they think the music I play is cool. And it's like, am I worried about some stupid fucking journalist at Resident Advisor or wherever that thinks, whatever, my set wasn't good. But then, you know, you add drugs and whatever else to it and people get wrapped up in that shit and it's really difficult. This is why you see people going down these dark paths in an industry like Nightlife and relevancy and all this stuff.

That's why mental health has become such an important topic in society at the moment, even when you hear basketball players and sports players talking about dealing with depression and all this stuff, 'cause you reach a point in your career where you're like, how do I keep this going? And I said this in an interview recently, there was a point where I thought I gave off the impression that I didn't care. I was like, you know, I had this cool guy like, I don't care what people think, but in reality, I cared too much.

Yeah, of course.

And I was concerned about, I reached the point in my career where I was like, oh my God, my dreams are coming true. I've reached the success level where I'm touring and I'm making money and you start to then get a little bit like, okay, how do I keep this going?

Yeah, ride the wave.

Don't fucking slip up.

That's the thing.

Try to stay a little bit like, try to stay cool and relevant and then you start, you stop taking chances.

Yeah, that's the thing.

And you stop pushing it because you're like, if I take a chance and it doesn't work out, I could lose it all.

You can't ever think like that.

I know, but this is something that a lot of people in creative industries, I think, suffer from.

And in life, yeah.

And in life. And so I dealt with it and there was a point where there was kind of this eureka moment where I'm like, actually, I don't care. I really don't care what people think. You know what? I like Drake. I like trapped hip-hop and in an industry where people are like, you know, for a long time it was based on what music you play in.

Right.

It's like, I was putting out mixes that had, you know, hip-hop on it or a folk or this and that.

We heard great Britney Spears to you.

Great Britney Spears, of course. And I think once you reach that point, it is something that you can kind of ride on and I'm hoping that that's a point where I'm at now where I stop caring so much about what other people fucking think.

If you combine that, I think that's incredibly well said. Good shit for you. If you can combine that with the consistency of putting out stuff that you think is cool, you would probably be surprised at first and then be like, no, I actually expect this because like people need that more than ever. There's like a lot of bullshit out getting served up to people every day and people really want like cool authentic people talking about shit. And I know that can sound like egotistical or it's a very subjective term, but like the results are always there. Like the outward signs of success tend to follow like someone's internal sense of conviction and knowingness of what they're doing is something they actually care about.

You don't have to agree with it. Like there's a lot of people who are very popular because they say shit that they probably believe that is outrageous to me. Then like I can't believe that these are the things that they believe, but they get the outward and there's people who are like, I think that too. So I think like the most important thing is like if you have good taste in anything, whether it's music, it's art, it's photography, it's just perspectives, it's kind of like the only thing you could potentially feel guilty for is not putting it out there in like a real way and like being afraid of like getting too much shit going on is just like, it's not a valid enough excuse.

It's like someone who maybe like grew up with you know, looking at the DJ scene and said, well I can't do that. Who had like impeccable music days. Maybe it was a really good DJ, but they looked at someone up on the stage and been like, I could never do that. And like that person maybe would have been amazing. So like doing the shit now. I know many people in that boat. I think the one thing about, and I go back to this because it's the industry that I've been a part of for so long is this creative industry, whether it be music or photography or art painting, whatever, the hardest thing I find personally is I could have all these passions and I could be super creative and have great taste and whatever, putting a monetary value on it.

People get weird about it. It's really weird. And still to this day, I've been DJing for 20 years if somebody asked me, hey I want to book you how much, I don't know how much do you want to give me? I don't, I can't tell you that. If someone wants to buy a print of a photo I took, even charging $100, even though it cost 30 to print it. It cost 15 to ship it and I'm like, I don't know. Here's the thing. I've found like, I charge a lot for reading, you know, the Patreon isn't like the cheapest thing. It's like a Netflix subscription for like the middle level, like if someone really needs something.

Yeah, someone like really needs something and like they're desperate and you can see they need something. You can tell, you can tell. If someone is just making a value judgment that they don't have the money for this because it's too expensive for them, I'm going to talk about forever what they may need to think about and feel to the point where they feel like they do have enough money for it and they'll see that the reason I charge the prices that I charge, A, I think it's totally worth it. I would pay for it myself. B, it's not as real and solid as you think it is. When you start valuing your work like at a higher amount, I tell this to all of my friends, everyone who's like starting a business, no matter what it is, like if it's good, if it's worthy, not if it's shit, if it's shit, you have to like get better.

That's just like, you can't do bad shit and charge a lot. You'll get laughed at and people will know. But if you have good stuff, valuing it at more that maybe you feel original.

Who's saying it's good? You are. Or you have to have the validation of everyone telling you like it's good. You need to know.

You need to know that this shit is actually good.

Yeah, and worth charging.

Yeah, you have to know that. Like there's a point for me where I actually like, I'm also pretty hard on myself so to do something like a reading where I'm like pitching someone like a real energetic shift to feel better about their lives. Like I have to see enough proof of that before I would ever get to the point where I charge anyone a dollar, which is what I did. And I was like, you know what? People are fucking loving this shit. I feel pretty good from it. I think I have like a pretty good, you know, skill for doing this thing. I'm gonna do it. That's like a big hurdle to get over.

That's a huge hurdle, yeah.

But like you got to like, you have to do it for real. And even if it's like you raise your prices and it's like, you know, you had 20 people buying stuff and it goes down to like four.

Yeah.

It feels better to get paid the proper amount for something you really think it's worth.

Yeah.

Than the amount of money you're actually gonna make.

The amount of time and energy that you're putting into it on top of it. Yeah, this is something that I am currently trying to figure out as I try to start selling some prints and thinking about reaching that point, that hurdle, like you said, I was like.

You just got to do it.

Yeah.

Like for real though, like it's one of these things. If you just figure out what you're offering and put out stuff just regularly, I think you're kind of poised for this world. Like I'm surprised every day who I see like has a Patreon or has some system for like recurring monthly or weekly revenue with this stuff. Even the only fan shit. I have friends who turn to only fans, like girls, hot girls who are just like, you know what, fuck this. I'm gonna show my tits.

Yeah, no, I have friends who are doing that and are making some money. This is my last resort, only fans.

I already spoke about doing it only fans. It's a whole way, you know, it's always available. It's an option, I suppose. I mean, the thing is like, it's actually the time for people who can hang and like have cool conversations to actually do that.

Yeah.

Otherwise it is gonna feel like I think this sense of guilt or like, you know, this is how I'm spending my time but I'm not actually turning it into something productive.

Yeah.

And I really do think that this is like, we're coming around a corner here. I think it's gonna, I don't know, prediction wise, I do think like this shit is gonna get weirder with corona in the winter months.

100% as soon as people start getting even regular flu symptoms.

Yeah.

It's just like, people are gonna start panicking.

It's gonna be panicking.

People are gonna run, when you got the flu in November, you didn't think to run to the hospital.

But now you're like, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

And then people will die because of that.

100, 100%. So now's the time to act on whatever crazy bullshit team that you had that you thought would never make money. It's like--

Isn't it though?

Yeah, I think it is.

What was the downside here? What's the downside?

The downside was always a little bit of fear of rejection. And fear of making an idiot out of myself. And I think we're recording.

Yeah, we're totally recording. I know, I always think that. At least three times during a podcast, I'm always like, did I fuck this up?

No, I think the fear of rejection and making a fool out of myself. And again, that goes back to stupid fucking, that's a lot of it obviously is ego. And going back to caring too much about, okay, what if I made a fool of myself? The thing is that I see the way people get torn apart online for someone put out an album or a track, a song, and a couple people don't like it. Obviously, you're gonna hear from those people more than you're gonna hear from the people praising and that if I love a song, I'm not online writing a whole like--

Yeah, we're on longer later.

Yeah, but people that hate something or don't connect with it, they feel the need to just rip it down. And that's things, it does thing as much as you wanna say, a lot of people are like, oh, I don't read the comments, this and that.

Oh, I read all that.

It's really tough to kind of, it's tough to, and then you're like, who am I, what do I give a shit about this person in this bedroom that has never lifted a finger or made anything creative in their life? And now they're ripping apart my song or my set or whatever it is.

I mean, I look at other people in as weird of a ways, not weird of a way as possible as everyone is basically me pushed out. So any feedback, criticism, attention, love, whatever is actually an aspect of myself that I'm able to like pick up on because this is something inside of me. So when some people criticize what I do, not know with me sometimes on the internet to my face, so it's like I've learned that if I react to that too aggressively, there's some internal sense of like doubt or like insecurity I have that I need to like look at. When I get to the point where I'm not really too concerned about this, A, the number of negative comments or like seem to go down, even experiences.

And then B, if I do get them, I'm just like, this person is obviously going through a hard time. - Sure. I really don't need to like be concerned, you know.

Yeah, that's a good way to put a spin on it just so you kind of feel.

Yeah, I mean, you can't let other people's perspective or perceived perspectives run your life because ultimately it's just you. I mean, you're, I also really do look at reality like other people's perspectives. My perspectives on other people literally create them. So if I think someone's a shithead, I'm actually making them a shithead in my life and I'll see behavior objectively and subjectively that will make them a shithead. So if you can just kind of get out of that, that loosens up the tendency to kind of like look at things negatively through other people's eyes that are almost never really true.

Like people generally think about other people far less than we think other people.

Oh, 100% I have, I put myself in this plenty of times where I'm like, nobody fucking cares about you. Like in that sense, like stop thinking everyone is forming some kind of judgment, like, oh, wow, Bill.

Nobody cares. - Nobody cares. Stop thinking you're more important than you really are. This is great quote that I always go back to where it's aside from a hopeless egomaniacs, there's a normal balancing that has to occur, the belief that you are somebody but that you are also nobody.

Yeah.

Something that I think is something so important I've seen in my career and so many industries where sometimes people fall a little too far on either side, but mostly feeling that they are somebody and forgetting at the end of the day that they're actually talking nobody. I said that with DJs, 'cause this is the only thing I can relate to is that like, who do you think you are? You think you're like a big shot in the grand scheme of things and the universe and the world, let's just even talk about the world. You're nobody, you may be successful in your little bubble of techno or whatever, but at the end of the day, you're really nobody, just a normal fucking person that's up there playing some music. - That's everyone now.

You got lucky, you have some skill, but as we see nowadays with DJing in particular, anyone can really do.

Yeah, it's really insane.

Not that, it's not that important. And so I think that quote is something I always go back to. Unfortunately, I feel like I fall sometimes on the other end of-- - Too much nobody.

Too much nobody.

Yeah, the nobody, I mean, I know a lot of people who tend to go into like existential stuff, fall on the nobody, and even like the nihilistic stuff.

Yes. - I do find the easiest antidote to that is like, I'm pretty sure, like this is my genuine stance. And like, I look for evidence to the contrary enough that I'm not just like accepting everything full sale without challenging it, but I do think the only operative power in this world is like our sense of like, I am. Like whatever we believe of ourselves to be true or we believe of the world on a deep level, genuinely creates it kind of as like an after effect, rather than like we're experiencing something and making observations from it. And I also believe that's testable. I also think we can like prove that if we like challenge that as a notion through like our desires.

That's why like, I like challenging situations 'cause it shows me like what I actually want is real. Like nothing like a shitty situation to show you like what you actually want and what you actually care about.

I think this is something a lot of people are dealing at the moment. - Yeah.

It's a shitty situation. - Yeah.

And what do we actually want right now?

Just and then for real, like, and when you like, actually when you find the thing, what do I want you go? How did I figure out what I want? You do that enough. It literally will just start to latch on to solving that problem, rather than dwelling on like what do I need to do. It's like an analytical trick. A lot of this stuff is working with like your subconscious, but that's like a conscious way of dealing with it. Like you find like, what do I do? What do I want? How did I figure out what I want? How did I figure out what to do? You just keep changing it and like twisting it, it's like spinning it.

And then eventually you'll get served with like either a great idea or some situation will pop up or like some unexpected thing.

Yeah.

And then you're like fuck, is this really like, is this actually how shit works? Is this really like, is it, this sounds wrong? Like this sounds too easy. It sounds like some, you know, product of privilege. I could hit with this shit all over the time.

Product of privilege for sure.

I could share with this shit all of the time. And all I know is I've seen people in every socioeconomic strata of every race get caught in the same type of patterns that regardless of where they are in life, like they're not feeling like they're in control or have like power over their emotional states and their psychological states. And conversely or on the other side, like I've seen people who are like in the diarist of positions who are like genuinely happy and genuinely in situations where like they're actually doing well. Are they fucking thrilled every day of their life? I don't know, I'm not with them every day, but I do know that like they found some way of navigating the world where like they feel in control.

Yeah.

You could say it's an illusion, but I think like our desires are actually like the springboard. Like we find something that we really want, even if it's like fucking fantastical, even if you wanna live in like a fucking beautiful place, you know, surrounded by like the most attractive people and like the best, whatever it is, it's fantastical or childish as it sounds. If you apply this shit, you will put yourself on a track where you basically kind of execute that script. It's like feeding ourselves scripts that we run. I just think most of the time we're not catching on to what we actually believe or we're basing on external circumstances.

Well, I think those external circumstances are things that as much as you want to, there's times where personally I feel like I'm on like a good path at the moment, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling positive, I'm working out, I'm eating healthy. And I notice a significant change in the way things are happening in front of me experiences.

Totally.

But then inevitably, such is life, you're hit with something that takes you fucking down a few notches even more, whether it's tragedy or whatever weird curveball that's thrown at you. And then you're like, okay, now, I haven't worked out in four months. Well, let's say the fucking pandemic, for instance. I haven't worked out in four months, I've been eating like shit, I'm like uncertain about. So now how do I, I went from like this super positive for the first time in my life. And you rebounded back.

And yeah, rebounded down.

Down.

Two steps back.

Yeah, exactly. And now it's like, how do I get back to that point of?

And I know it's so easy. I know it's like, just start fucking working out, figure out how to work out for home.

Do you know what I--

Figure out how they're like--

That's good.

Just, I don't know, start thinking more positive about the things that potentially could happen when you're in New York. But it's really hard to--

No, but you're trying to think, it's this, it's classic shit that fucking trips people up.

So shut the TV off, stop fucking watching the news, stop getting sucked into this negative bullshit--

Yeah, but you're judging yourself too hard for this shit. That's such a hard way of coming at it. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying like when you come at it at that approach, here's like in my opinion, this is not my opinion, this is what worked for me. I had a certain point, I used to like diet, I lost like 25 pounds in the past like here, but I used to like diet, change my fucking food, exercise all this stuff, at a certain point, I was like, you know what, like I'm inevitably in good shape. Like I looked in my imagination and myself in a mirror and I looked how I wanted to look and I said, you know what, this is reality, this is what's gonna happen.

And then all of a sudden, it's not like I did nothing and I could eat whatever I want. Although that did start to happen, I started to wanna work out. It didn't feel like I had to stop doing something else and work out, I just found ways like gone jogs with some weights, just basically-- - Stay active, yeah.

And then at a certain point, I was like, you know what, this is great, but maybe I can imagine that my metabolism is faster and I can start eating what I want. And I did that shit. Then I started eating McDonald's literally all the time, just like, 'cause I've really wanted to challenge this shit.

Get out of here, there's no fucking way this works.

I swear to God.

You manifested a faster metabolism.

100%, like as in ease, she's been around, seriously.

I am not gonna, okay, I may believe that, but you can't start eating McDonald's and expect that to be sustainable. I mean, I didn't eat it like as an exclusive thing, but I was eating it like a few times a week at the peak there. - How old are you?

37.

Okay, this is around the age where I realize I can't fucking eat like I used to eat.

I eat well most of the time, I will say. I'm not like a degenerate, like there's a garden, I eat garden shit. It's just like, you need to be not reckless about it.

Yes.

You can't think that you're just gonna go totally insane and like go off the deep end, but like, you really can do shit that like meta deals with things that you may think are like bigger individual tasks to deal with. And I think playing around with that shit, you'd be surprised how quickly you'd be like, you know what, today I actually feel like I wanna get up and like go for a walk or go for a run, rather than feeling like I need to go for a walk, I need to go for a run. - Sure, sure.

That shit makes it way more sustainable and easy to do. - Yeah.

Like for me, the reason I started like genuinely working out back then is like, I would actually start to go insane and feel bad if I didn't. Like I started to notice that like, if I had been doing this thing, I felt pretty good, but if I didn't, I'd get cranky, I'd feel weird, and then I started to do it.

100% yeah, it's become lethargic, I'm sitting around, I feel useless and not start procrastinating. All of these terrible habits that I think come with just, you know, not eating healthy. For me personally, again, I watched everyone this weekend eat a fucking amount of meat that I was--

It's like a fucking farm. - Out of control. And it's constantly more meat, more meat, but I know how my body feels when I eat meat and whether or not that's something that I am telling myself is bad for me, I just know that I don't eat this much meat in general in life for the last couple of years. I've eaten red meat maybe once a month, right? It's just for a special occasion. But to have it every single day for the last five days--

We got the rebound effect.

Fuck, it's intense, and I don't wanna do that. And a couple of friends were like, you know, it's not bad for you, don't feel guilty, don't put yourself to it, I'm like, no.

I just don't feel good when I eat it.

I just don't feel good when I eat it. I also, maybe for ethical reasons, I don't wanna eat meat five days a week. And it's okay.

I was a vegan for two and a half years, I was the worst.

That's fucking intense.

No, I was the worst. I was so annoying. - You preaching?

Yeah, the worst. Truly like the worst type of human being you could be is what I was. I'm not even joking. Like I look back and I go, I have the best friends for tolerating how annoying I am.

Did anyone tell you? Like shut the fuck up.

Oh yeah, totally, don't tell me what to eat. Oh my God, so many times, they like shut up. Like what are you retarded? Like why are you doing this? Like no one wants to hear this shit.

No one wants to hear it.

No one wants to hear it.

Well I also didn't wanna hear someone telling me, the meat is not bad for you, don't worry.

Red meat is bad for you. You shouldn't eat red meat every single day.

Probably not every single day.

Yes, I know.

But of course, here and there, whatever, no big deal. But in general, back to what I was saying, it's getting into bad habits and finding a way to get out of it and get back on track is something that I think we all struggle with. I'm sure everyone deals with the ups and downs of life and trying to stay positive when you're going through some dark shit or whatever it is and like I said earlier, there's also that point where I try to take a step back and be like, how bad is it? How bad really compared to the grand scheme of things--

Which can work.

Which can work.

But also the opposite effect where it actually makes you feel worse because you still feel bad and you know it's not like in the grand scheme of things that important theoretically.

Well, I remember when I was complaining about something or someone would be like, you know, there's people starving in Africa. I'm like, yeah, you know what, I'm sorry. But that's not my problem at the moment. There's people suffering everywhere. But I can't get wrapped up in like, I could on the stack of putting it in perspective and say, okay, things are not as bad as I think. But I can't start thinking about, oh man, there's a, look at that person over there has no arms and no legs. Like how am I supposed to feel about that? Like it sucks. Everyone is dealing with their own shit.

It's also fair to want to be in a state, emotional or psychological where you feel good and comfortable most of the time. That I think is something that people are genuinely striving for, like, which is like sounds astounding and like a distant possibility, depending where you are. But it really is at a certain point within our power to actually like move into that as a way of being. If it's based on like social standing money, it's not that you don't get those things. Like I think those are actually valuable representations of people like feeling a certain type of energy and having it like come into their world.

But like, you know, these feeling content and fulfilled first.

Sure.

Then letting the symptoms or signs of that come into your life after seems to be the best and most like replicable strategy I've found.

Yeah.

It's far in life because otherwise it's like, it's really trying to like thread the needle every fucking time otherwise. Like you actually have to figure out the perfect combination of things and the timing and the whole thing. Rather than just being like, you know what? I feel good. You know, I'm looking honestly at the things I'm doing in my life, like, you know, am I, could I be doing more sure?

Sure.

Should I could have done better there, sure. But like generally feeling like I'm honestly want to like get better as a person and grow and expand and like experience new things.

Yeah.

And still be like a good person. Like if you start accepting that, I have found more and more opportunities or circumstances or like magical kind of things tend to pop up in life.

Yeah, I believe it.

But it's like, it's getting to that state regardless of what's happening that really like shows you the power of it. Because then you actually put yourself through like a kind of challenge to get to this point.

Well, the point, the challenge for me after that is how do I maintain this? Because I, and I realized this is something I should probably go to therapy for. Is once I reach that moment of happiness or I'm in love or whatever it is, I'm like, I instantly start thinking, how is this going to end?

No.

How am I going to ruin this? And some, how is this person that is somehow in love with me? How are they going to get tired of me at some point? Or how am I going to get sick of them? And it's just terrible. This is a fucking awful way of thinking, but this is when you start feeling guilty for having, for feeling good at people.

Yeah, this is this therapy that I need to do.

No.

I mean, it is partly.

Do people suffer? Do a lot of people deal with that?

Yeah, a ton of people.

You reach like, I'm really happy. I'm really in love. How am I going to fuck this up or how is this going to end?

So the way this works usually.

Because it doesn't last forever.

Okay. All right. It's true on many levels. Also does on some levels.

Like this person you're with.

I was with someone recently.

Yeah.

I'm not going to be with this person for the rest of my life. So how is this going to end?

So like, the way I look at this stuff is, you know, the first thing people encounter with like all this imagination shit is like, wow, you can actually use this stuff to get things. The second thing people usually deal with is how do I maintain or not fuck up a situation? How do I make sure that this isn't just like something that collapses and proves me that things aren't good.

Exactly.

Okay. You're constantly in a dynamic process of like reshaping who you are and the relationships you have. That doesn't end. It's not a static process. You don't like get in a relationship or believe something about yourself and have it like stay there forever. It can feel like that, but you always have the opportunity to kind of like get to it and like shatter it. So it depends what you genuinely want to experience in life and relationships. If you want a relationship, regardless of duration, that is meaningful, important, you know, really feels the way you want it to feel and being clear about what that is and accept that that's actually totally possible and more importantly, likely the point of wanting it.

Those things start to funnel into your life and then rather questioning like, you know, it's like when someone finds out when you find out about death for the first time as a kid and you really start thinking about it and you're like, oh, what the fuck? They're like, wait, everyone I know dies and then I die and like we do it alone. Basically like that's insane, you know, you can dwell on that the rest of your life or you can kind of make the decision even if you don't fully psychologically deal with it that like you can't let that dominate your mode of thinking and like how you engage with the world.

I've found that like, if you're really honest about what you value in a relationship or what you want in life and are very clear about that to yourself, you really like, you can absolutely achieve those things. I mean, I think about, you know, when you love someone like what happens when they die or what happens when you die, like what happens, especially with like kids and shit, you know what I mean, I have kids. Like that's a really big thing to think about. You know, if I die or they die, like what are these like emotional impacts of these things? But at the end of the day, like, I think if you look at this as like something that really is meant to show you like how powerful you are, how cool like it is to be a human being and like that we get this like spectrum of emotions.

Yeah.

You begin to appreciate and be grateful for more and more things, which gives you access to like kind of broader states of experiences and consciousness. That's what I've found. And I think the way to kind of not like at shaking off that is just like, if you're in like the middle of a set and you're like really in the flow of things, like the best you play is not when you have something necessarily pre-programmed out to a T but you're in the flow and you know, this perfectly goes with this. It's perfectly like this. You just fucking rail them off and you go, holy shit. It's when you start thinking about it in the moment, you're more likely to start kind of manufacturing the moment, whereas instead you're just kind of going with it.

So it's like getting comfortable with being in that state and accepting it as like your natural mode of being.

Getting comfortable in general is something that I struggle with, whether it's in a relationship in public, in my own body, just dealing with, and this is something that is a lifelong kind of, I don't know, battle of being comfortable with myself, being confident in what I can provide to a conversation to, you know what I mean? And this is all insecurity and ego and all these things.

It's good to go through this because like, here's what's worse. And I think this is probably why people like you put yourself through this is it's worse to not have that referential observational view of yourself and just have the full blown confidence to go and talk about shit because then you're just being dumbass. So at least if you go through it like, what?

We weren't recording.

Yeah, we missed it all. - We stopped recording. 10 minutes in.

We're talking about, no, we didn't. It's still recording, Jesus Christ.

Let's take a commercial break 'cause I got a P.

Yeah.

All right, back from commercial break. What did we just sell?

We just sold the, I don't know, some fucking, wow, where'd you get this?

We just made these buttons. There's so many of them.

You record it and it makes...

You gotta do these poker nights where she made like a ton of them and it's pretty wild.

Well, yeah, let's wrap it up. I mean, Captain, come down. Sorry about that, I seem to be.

No, well, I do think it's really important like this comfortable stuff. Here's the last thing I'll say on this is, if you can remember a time where you actually were comfortable and just felt good, even if it was like a fleeting period of time, if you can just future project that into like your life and assume that it's coming, you'd be surprised how often you actually slip into it like naturally rather than assuming that like you're not comfortable. If you go like, I'm just not comfortable, I'm not. I can't get secure, I don't feel good. That will also continue to happen. So it's more of a question of like watching what you're thinking and feeling, changing it in the moment, whereas even if that feels like a dramatic shift or hard, you always can do it.

It's like it's always a possibility. And then using it as you're going to sleep like, you'd be surprised like how quickly this shit actually works. And it has nothing to do with like where you are in life. Like this is a universally acceptable.

Yeah, I mean, going to sleep is always a challenge, especially thinking about something like this and trying to focus on that. It's not as easy as you say.

Well, you know you want.

Yeah. - You want to be comfortable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You want money. You want to feel good?

Yeah, when you say money, I feel bad about money.

I feel bad about it.

It's the first sign that you're not okay with it. You got to just feel okay with money.

I don't want, the thing is like also, without getting into it, I was never like, obviously it was never like some superstar fucking DJ. I had enough money to be comfortable.

Yeah. - And that's the main thing.

Don't you want that again?

My favorite saying from Steve Kuggen, who was a great comedian, was in as far as like a career in whatever creative industry was, never be hot, always be warm. Always be warm. And this was something that I feel like my career was always, you know, room temperature. Warm. - Warm.

And I like that. 'Cause once you're hot, inevitably you're going to get cold. So never be hot, always be warm, be comfortable with having enough money to take your friends out to dinner, go on a trip somewhere.

Basic stuff. - Basic stuff.

Basic stuff is totally okay.

I think if you keep those in mind as like things that you actually want and do that while you go to sleep or just like think about it, even just like daydreaming. - Yeah.

And assume that that's like within your power to actually achieve regardless of where you are and what you're doing, you'd be surprised. Like how quickly that shit tends to funnel into life. And how your mind and attitude changes before it actually starts to happen.

Yeah. - 'Cause it's not like an instant thing usually for people, aren't you?

Just to be clear, before we end this, what you told me was something that Denise told me a couple of months ago. I just want to make sure I want to give the credit to you or give the credit to Denise.

Which is what?

'Cause Denise told me about this before you go to sleep but I don't know if she gave you the credit of being the one teaching her about this.

I'm still on my shift.

So she told me about this a while ago.

The fact that you even have the question in your mind is that I actually did credit him.

You did credit him.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you did. I know she loves credit. Oh wow, thanks for reaching out to my fucking people and being like, is Bill available today? 'Cause I was very busy. Yeah. - Holy shit. All right, I end with the four questions quickly. What's your favorite color?

Green.

What's your favorite number?

Actually no, purple, it used to be green. Now it's time to like purple pinkish fuchsia.

Oh, I love that, I love that. I had a damn treat, damn treat trip with those colors.

Yeah.

What is your favorite number?

Six.

What's your favorite animal?

No, I know, six is always favorite animal.

Yeah.

Oh, I love dogs, come on.

Dogs.

Dogs, I mean it's pretty, what am I supposed to say, dolphin or something?

I say dolphin.

I say dolphin.

Do you?

I really do.

I don't have any experience from just a personal level of dogs, obviously.

I think that's great. And then last question, practical tip that's helped you in your life that you can share with people listening can be anything.

Practical tip?

Yeah, any practical tip for life?

I said this in that interview I was touched on earlier about caring too much about what other people think. And it's such a cliche thing, but honestly, just stay true to yourself and believe in what you like and what you think is cool. And yeah, inevitably it'll work out. I think the only thing that helped me in my career early on was that I played music that I liked and that I believed in, and I didn't try to follow any trends. And just, yeah, stay true to yourself. And understand that you are nobody at the end of the day, but you're also somebody to go back to that quick.

The healthy balance between you.

Healthy balance, yes.

I love it. Bill, thank you.

Thank you, Noah, I appreciate it. You know what? Thank you, Denise.

Yeah, wow, full credit. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

Thanks for listening to that episode. Go check out Bill at all the links that are posted on this episode page for people who wanna dive a little bit deeper. There's a Patreon for this podcast. There are links to it on the episode page wherever you're finding that iTunes or whatever Apple podcast. The Patreon's pretty cool. For $7.77, you could access the two Q and A's that you get to ask questions and I'll answer them specifically for patrons. You also get access to the Discord server, which is a cryptocurrency, spiritual, fun, hangout, cool place, psychedelic place. And I think that's it at the end.

You could access to the music that you hear on this show. $13 level, you get all the stuff I just mentioned, plus two bonus episodes a week on top of the two Q and A's a live reading every month where we do cards and astrology and stuff like that. That's on YouTube. And then the $22 level is the level where you get the smoke session where we do a Zoom smoke session and all the stuff I mentioned before, which is pretty cool. We hang out, we talk, we shoot the shit, we smoke weed, it's fun times. And then I think there are annual memberships where you basically end up getting a, I think it's a 15 or a 20% discount on all the things that I just mentioned there at the top tier level.

So you can pay annually. Patreon finally allows that. That's it. I think there's readings are open. My sister is putting up a bunch of new dates and links probably coming out in the next week. We've been having a lot of fun with those. Those have, you know, we're looking for like substantial energetic shifts. That's the stuff to sign up for. That's it. Music is coming out. I'm linking with Romine. I'm supposed to have cover art for a couple of songs that'll be out in hopefully the next month. And yeah, shit's coming. Stay tuned. I'm back in New York, ready to rock, feeling good. Guests, regular episodes, all the fun things are coming out.

All right, that's it. Until next week, happy imagining.

At PC Richard and Son, we don't just sell you a TV. We show you the differences. Explain how the features work. And we deliver your new TV fast and free, just in time for a big game or movie night with the family. During our July 4th sale, save up to 40% on premium TVs from Samsung, LG, Sony, TCL, and more, plus free installation on select models. Great service, great savings. It's kind of our thing. PC Richard and Son, serving America's homes for generations. Free delivery excludes Manhattan.