Paz de la Huerta

(upbeat music) (upbeat music)

Welcome to Synchronicity. It's been, I don't know, since you look at that, I'm sorry. It's been a while, but I am back, not retired. This is just a normal summer course of action that happens. We have been doing stuff over on the Patreon. We've had a couple of mystic of the months. Carl Jung from a Krishna. We did Milorepa before I left. So that has been going on if you've just been Jones in for more stuff, synchronicity. But we are back with a guest episode today. There's some announcements before I get to the episode. So I will let people know. We are reopening it by we, I mean me astrology, astrology, astrology, astrology, readings.

There will be a new pricing structure. I'm trying to accommodate more people, not make the cost so prohibitive. I am understanding of people's financial situations. I've gotten a bunch of emails saying, like, you know, I'd like to get a reading, but I just don't know how I can afford that. And I usually work things out with those people, but I'm going to be changing the pricing structure. So you can look for that. It will be @syncpodcast. S-Y-N-C, podcast.com/energy. You can also just send me an email at Noah@syncpodcast.com if you want to book a reading there. Those will be open for the remainder of the fall.

And then we lead into the Christ consciousness readings in December. So if you're interested in those, please, by all means, go and sign up. There's a lot been going on, had a great trip throughout Europe and Turkey over the summer. It was fantastic, can't complain. Football season has started, which is good, I guess, except last night, the dolphins lost to the bills in dramatic fashion and to a Tungavailoa. Got another concussion, and honestly, who knows if he should even be playing football at this point, and it is brutal. It is not great for dolphins fans. It's we are a cursed franchise. I heard a while ago that the stadium in Miami might be built over a Native American burial ground or something.

There's some actual curse. I don't know. It feels like that, 'cause you just can't have nice things. You just can get teased a little bit, that there may be nice things, but not quite. So that sucks. That's not fun. Today, I am going to coach my eldest son, Eli's, flag football team, so we'll have fun there. They're the lions, so at least they have a better dude. The lions broke their curse. They're good. They used to be terrible. They used to be a laughingstock, and now they're good. The dolphins have them want to play off game in a longer period of time than every other team in the NFL, which is beyond embarrassing.

I don't even know what to say about that. So now Skyler Thompson's gonna be our quarterback for at least a week. That's gonna suck. I don't even know what to say. Anyway, back to synchronicity. My guest this week is Paz de la Huerta. She is awesome. You may know her from, I think her most popular role is from Boardwalk Empire. She played Lucy Danziger. She also was in a movie called Enter the Void, and was also in Cider House Rules as a young girl. She has had a long and storied and somewhat traumatic life. You'll hear her say she comes from Spanish royalty. She has a very fractured relationship with her immediate family, and we get into a lot of that.

We get into her kind of salvation in a lot of ways of painting, which she's been doing since a very young age, but has really stepped it up and has kind of made it this cathartic creative output for herself, which is really inspiring. You can go check out her work too, just I'll put links in the episode. There's also a great photo of her. She lives on a farm now with a bunch of animals. It's pretty cool. She's great. We also talk about in the episode Iboga, which she did. I think it was four years ago, which she really credits kind of rewind her brain and allowing her to get over and process a tremendous amount of trauma that she went through, which you will hear about in this episode.

It's a good one. I'm glad to be back. I won't ramble on too much here. At the beginning of the episode, I will see you on the other side. Without further ado, here's Paz de la Huerta. (upbeat music) All right, Paz, thank you for coming on.

Yes, thank you.

I'm excited to speak to you for a bunch of reasons. I first became aware of you actually as an artist. I know you are also an actress. You've been in many things, but I'm very curious to hear about your life and kind of what brought you to where you are now. Also, I know in our conversations, we had a reading the other day. You mentioned you are a Catholic, but you're also into like many forms of spirituality. So where did kind of your interest in like the creative and spiritual aspects of your life get started? Where did that come from?

Well, it's not strange. I guess it's kind of fate, but when I was a little girl, right? And I guess my life is literally in one second. I'm going to like a cigarette, Mary. I have lots of dogs. So, my life is literally like a fairy tale. I literally come from the Spanish royal family, but it definitely has not done me any favors. So when I was a little girl, I had this woman in my life, Mosa Billner, who was an opera singer. And she was an opera singer and she was an artist living on Green Street in New York. And I always had a very problematic time with my family. And I remember when I was 12 years old, she smacked me across the face and she said, "Paz, it's not enough in life to be beautiful.

"Life is a spiritual vocation." And she dragged me up town to an Orisha's like, preacher, doctor, and they bathed me. I got baptized. I was Yameen Jha, who was the goddess of the ocean. I was Ojosse, who was my god. That gives you like a few deities. But whatever she did, kind of made me realize that whatever was gonna happen to me, that none of it mattered, that God mattered, that my faith in God would get me out of it. Money didn't matter. And then also I was in my family, though now I know with my awareness that the Spanish royal family are actually like Satanists and Freemasons. I was also baptized Catholic, but I had a very spiritual first communion and I have photos from that event.

And for whatever reason, I was very taken by Jesus, and also the Orisha's faith, because Orisha combines Catholicism with, I guess, Kundumble or Santaria, as they call it, and many times it can be used for bad. It literally in its pure form means you use the elements of nature to kind of achieve what you want. But yes, that's Kundumble and Orisha's in its pure form. It takes the Catholic saints and combines it with nature. So all these gods and deities are aspects of nature and you just have to find your strength in each of them to survive. So I guess this happened, this awakening happened when I was 12 years old when Melissa smacked me across the face.

That's right. - And I kept running.

What? - No, no, go ahead. Continue.

No, it's a very honest story. I was never happy at home. I kept running away to her home to find a refuge, and she would try to teach me about the great artist. She would play me Francois Hardy. She was an opera singer. She had a similar story with her father. She ended up going bankrupt later and dying, and not even have her story told, it was very tragic. But you tried to save me by teaching me that money didn't matter, that it was spirituality. And now I realize so many years later, why she was teaching me the things she was because it saved me in the end.

Yeah, that's fascinating. I've never heard of, is it Orisha's? Is that what you, it's called?

It's called Orisha's. - Orisha's. (speaking in foreign language) She was Brazilian, but they practice it all over Brazil, South America, it combines Catholicism. And then they use it with the elements of nature, the different deities like Oshun, which is the goddess of the river, which is the one fertility, beauty, love, compassion. And then you have Yamezhah, who's the ocean. So all these different elements, but many times people think, oh, it's black magic, but it used in its best sense, it's not, it's really pure, it's about nature combined with Catholicism.

That's fascinating, I've never heard of it, but it sounds really kind of accurate too. And I'm not surprised that it gets conflated with black magic because I think when there's any deviation from kind of the orthodoxy of the big religions, they tend to label it as like demonic or something that is not pure. But I found that the connection to nature is embedded in all of the best mystical traditions. It's like, it's naturally our connection to the earth where we came out of. And so that makes a lot of sense. Also something interesting, you know, there's a famous Buddhist sage in the Tibetan system named Marpa.

And he also was slapped across the face with a sandal. And that's how he began his enlightenment journey.

Oh my God, I never heard of that.

Yeah, yeah, it's a fascinating story.

So she literally smacked me across the face and I was, and I hope I still am very beautiful. And I was crucified for my sexuality and beauty. So when she said that, I think people misunderstood me my whole life because I was so horribly abused and I never really thought about my physical appearance. I never had any cosmetic surgery. I literally was thinking, God, God, God, are you there? Like, get me away from these evil people, you know? And when she did that, she said, it's not enough in life to be beautiful. Life is the spiritual location. And she was very beautiful herself and had everything taken away from her.

It was so powerful, it did something to me. I was a little girl and it changed me forever.

That's fascinating. Yeah, it's really interesting that they can come and those experiences can come in like a sudden flash and then reverberate through the rest of our lives. And then it makes more sense as time goes on. So how did you practically apply some of the things that you discovered through that particular form of spirituality, like throughout your life? Like you grew up in New York. At what age did you start getting into the arts acting and other stuff?

Since I was a little girl, I started painting. So that was just like, I didn't go into acting class, but what I didn't realize was my mom was my pen. So this was something disturbing that I'm now in a million lawsuits about. My mother, whose cover up is that she works for women's rights in underdeveloped countries that actually like sold me to Harvey Weinstein. And my first job was to cite her house to rules. I played an orphan, ironically, 'cause I had an orphan. And Weinstein was our neighbor in Tribeca and would become obsessed with me, actually. And she would rent an apartment in Jason to my bedroom to fear Max, where he would spy on me and make for it.

And then they went criminal lengths to cover up that I was sex trafficked. So I look at my early years of acting as just sex trafficking. And I'm working on my memoir right now. I never saw any of my earnings. My mother stole those as well. I didn't see any of my paychecks. Lot of lawsuits. I hope I'll get a justice in this lifetime. And then the irony that her whole cover up was that she was defending women's rights in third world countries. Well, she was paying for her daughter. So, and not just to Weinstein, but she abused me sexually too. And my father very much so. And so I guess I would say that I willingly thought I was being an actress and doing all these things as a way to heal for my traumas.

And to get away from my family, I hated my family. I never felt safe with them. So I wanted to make enough money to run away. But what I didn't realize was they were stealing my money. So I was a prisoner really up until like three years ago.

Wow, wow. And so that's nuts. And I wanna delve into some of kind of the trauma and the roots and like how you dealt and processed and hopefully integrated some of that. So when you started kind of your career, right? You're a young girl, you're getting into an industry that is rife with a lot of those problems. You actually, you know, came face to face and dealt with kind of the poster boy for the worst of the worst with Weinstein. And it's like, it's crazy that that crossed. What kind of was your experience, like did you hold on to aspects of your spirituality, your kind of connection to the divine through that?

Or were you kind of just like pushed away from that and just kind of existing in the material world?

No, I heard something beautiful from a teacher my years ago who said, impure things don't work on pure people. So I went as far as even taking a lie detector test. And in that lie detector test, I wanted to make sure I included that my mother and the doctors they hired were drugging me to discredit me 'cause I don't believe in pharmaceuticals. At a very early age, my mother took me to psychiatrist that put me on pills. And this was all a part of the system. This was all a part were dumbing me down to not make me connected to the define, to make me zombied out, to not realize what was happening to me.

What?

Really?

Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

No, and they continue to do that and what even further attempts to cover up their crimes is when I started to try to speak out because I never got a chance to testify against Weinstein. And if I did get to testify against Weinstein, I would testify against my mother 'cause my mother but Weinstein in my life. So it wasn't until I did the plant medicine, Iboga that repaired my brain, recalibrated my brain, made me realize that my father was in love with me, is in love with me, that my mother was jealous, that all the women were jealous and that I was basically pimped down as a whore, to all of them.

When did you do Iboga?

I did that four years ago in Madrid and it saved my life. And I realized they were stealing all my money simultaneously and then I had to get rid of this lawyer, take my Weinstein settlement and get safe. They wanted me dead or in a psychiatric ward the rest of my life unable to tell my story.

What did the Iboga, I've heard it be described as like a very stern teacher, like it reveals things kind of like very bluntly, what was the actual experience of it like for you?

Oh my God, I have always known like from what I just told you, since my fairy godmother made that smack across my face, that life was spiritual. So in spite of all these really crazy things happening to me, I always searched for the pure lesson. So I knew I had to do Iboga, I had this soul sister of mine who said, I kept saying, no, no, they want me to take this medicine, this medication, they want, I'm crazy, something's wrong with me, she goes, no, nothing's wrong with you, you gotta do Iboga. So I finally have, they were keeping me for my money, my best friend paid for it, I'll be totally honest, I had a pain in my vagina.

And it was because I was being abused. And somehow it recalibrated my brain. It was totally terrifying. It was like hours, like by the second day, I asked the medicine woman to send me to a psychiatric ward and lock away the key. And she said, no, we're not gonna do that, like let the medicine work. And the thing is that that kind of Iboga is so strong, like a lot of people I know that are into psychedelics won't even touch Iboga, they're too afraid.

Yeah. - So I knew I had to do it to make my life make sense. And it's still working on me, it made me run away, get my money, I even had an apartment in Madrid, couldn't stay, 'cause my family holds a lot of power in Spain. I come from the Spambro family. And I live somewhere, I don't disclose, but I feel like the Iboga is still recalibrating my brain. I don't have one pill in my system.

That's awesome.

And it has totally recalibrated my brain. My therapist before my therapist now told me, he knew I was being abused, but he said, just make art. But the Iboga made me realize the root of all of these awful things that happened to me, not that they still make any sense. The fact that my dad was raping me, my mom was jealous, she thought I was a whore, sold me to Harvey Weinstein that I was just an object. And they were stealing my earnings. I was exploited physically, mentally, financially in every sense of the word. And anytime I got lawyers, they didn't help me because lawyers only care about money and my family has money.

So my family would pay off my lawyers. But what it did was heal me and eventually lead me to a place where now I'm living in a place I feel safe. I'm making my art. I have meaningful friendships in my life. Those people don't have access to me. For whatever it's worth, like we can talk about justice for days, but maybe in the court system it doesn't exist, but maybe spiritual health does exist. - Yeah, that to me is kind of where when I hear about your story and also having read your chart the other day, that seems to be kind of like a big theme that emerges here, which is how do you let these clearly objectively, and I'm sure subjectively, traumatic experiences, you're dealing with parental wounds, mother and father, which sounds kind of honestly like the culmination of generational trauma, Spanish royalty.

I'm sure you know that the Spanish throughout history have had some troubled historical experiences even relative to the rest of Europe. So it sounds like a lot of this stuff has kind of like crystallized around your life. And it's very natural to be kind of hurt, upset, even bitter about it, but it sounds like you're also taking this as an opportunity to kind of transmute or alchemize a lot of that pain and suffering into something beautiful or healing. So how do you view kind of where you are in your life now as kind of a vehicle for that healing? Like what are you hoping to do and express outside just like the practical getting justice for what happened to you?

How do you view your art and your creativity as kind of a vehicle for healing?

At this point, like, kind of like, when I did the abogats, like I had the pain in the vagina, then it went away because I realized that what my dad was doing every night. And then it recalibrated my brain and I put to pieces the story of my life. And I just knew I had to run far, far away. But I never stopped making art. And now when I'm at, I've been safe like three years. I have meaningful friendships. I don't know if I'll ever lock them up because unfortunately, those families have so much power that it's sick, but I wouldn't trade a million dollars to be them. And I know that I'm doing good work because I see the response I get from people about my art.

And wait a second, I see the response from like people who can hear me. Yeah, I can hear you.

Okay, now I'm at a place where I'm kind of almost becoming happier in my life than I'm not thinking about the lawyers or anything. Like my best friend Nadia who found me, I was like, what do you know about my life? She's like satanic ritual abuse. She's like, can you somewhere safe? Let's heal you and we'll get, let's get you a baby, right? Like I deserve to be happy. Like those people, like God is greater than all of that evil. And I'm finally at the point where I live on a beautiful farm. I have animals. I have friends all over the world. I think the world is becoming more aware of my story that maybe eventually a big lawyer like Amal Clooney might take my case.

But honestly, do I really want to go back and delve into all that trauma? I don't even know at this point. Like I'm doing positive things. I want to be happy. I want to have my own family. I hope that by surviving all of this, like I look at Princess Diana, like she was trying to expose things about the British royal family and got killed in the process of doing it. And I survived a few attempts on my life. So, but what did she leave behind? Like she's an icon. She was the queen of people's hearts. She was pure, you know? So I hope with my art, I paint these crying angels. I feel like they're deepest part of my soul.

I hope that somehow my art kind of makes people feel, 'cause it's not like I'm alone in this. There are so many corrupt families that are abusing their children and silencing them. I hope that somehow by expressing it through art, that someone feels less alone and maybe understands that even if they try to manipulate you with money, 'cause they did that to me for years. Oh, if you say these things, we won't give you any more money, you know? That they'll have the strength to run away because there's a better life out there. And you don't need their money, you don't need their abuse.

Yeah. - You know?

Yeah, it's really interesting. I mean, it's as a tale as old as time, how kind of like ultimate power corrupts ultimately. And you see it play out. And I think we're living in a time where that energy or that system while it's still going on, obviously, it is becoming more visible to a lot of people, whether it's someone like you kind of relaying their experience and kind of waking up and realizing like how to get out of that or just more stories popping up. And it almost seems like kind of, not that that won't continue forever. I think it's just a part of life that there is that pain, trauma and suffering for certain people and souls.

But that it is being more exposed and it's also being more accepted, you know? 20, 30 years ago, even, and certainly before, if you hear stories about this, people would just write it off. You know, they go, oh, that's not really happening. There's no satanic ritual abuse. That's not really a thing that's going on. So I feel like that system is somewhat crumbling. And I think it is important also what you're saying that asking yourself the question, do I specifically need like worldly justice? Is that the most important thing? Or is there a way to process this and kind of turn this into something that is healing for myself and potentially other people?

That is like a much bigger question in my mind because, you know, getting justice through the courts is one thing and that maybe makes you feel good that, you know, it was called to light and justice was received. But healing your kind of like internal being and knowing that you are transmuting something so dark and painful into something light that can help even other people, that's a whole other thing.

Yeah, and I am beginning as time passes and thank God I have an incredible therapist that actually happens to be a priest. And he does like EMDR and hypnosis on me. He just brings me to the now, to the now, to the now. So I honestly, with the time that goes by, I almost don't want to pursue the court system because I almost feel like it's so weird. I feel like they don't deserve my energy. It's weird. I'm like, they don't even deserve me spending money on lawyers to put them in jail. Like they're just so pathetic, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That they don't even deserve me.

I think that's also just a protective measure too that people need to take sometimes like, you know, expending so much energy in a direction of people or other energy that just isn't serving you and learning when to kind of surrender and let go of that is ultimately, it can be a much more difficult but courageous thing to do. So I think the fact that that question is even popping up in your head is a tremendous sign of progress. Like I can only imagine.

It's happening recently because I see that the world is, you know, even my art show in Paris, they tried to steal those paintings.

Jesus.

I had to wrap you them back. They tried to take away my voice in any way possible, including my paintings. Not to mention my work I had done before as an actress. So I've read through those paintings, but now that I did and then creating new works where I am and I'm getting my voice back, I'm just like, you know what? I'm an artist. I'm happy. You guys spend your whole life trying to destroy my life stealing, exploiting me out of envy and greed and lust and these evil things. I mean, I don't even, I don't, I know, and I know with my stolen money, they pay off lawyers. Like if I were to, like this is why I'm writing my memoir, there's a habit in my family.

It's like, this might be interesting for your podcast. It's like every three generations, like kind of, I'm not meaning to say I'm perfect, but a really beautiful, intelligent woman is born. My aunt, they made de Haren, she was from Brazil. She had been a spy for the Jews during World War II and given intel information, made of fortune. My aunt, Corina, incredible, beautiful woman. They murdered her, stole her money, right? I may, her evil daughter tapped her phone lines, stole $600 million.

Jesus. - A lot of money.

Yeah. - Used to destroy my life. So there's a habit of these really beautiful, and when I say beautiful, I mean inner and outer beauty, just like exceptional women. And then they're offspring that weren't so pretty, who were jealous. I mean, it's very primitive the way they behaved. And I guess when you tell me about the Spanish royal family, it's like, it's like a fairy tale. This is not normal behavior. Like sure, they're jealousy, but jealousy to the point that you wanna kill someone. This is just like, it's a fairy tale, right? Unfortunately, I was the victim of the latter generation of the daughters of the, you know, the ones that didn't inherit these good things.

And I was born gifted and I was crucified for it, but now to see my life get back on track and not through the judicial system, but through my heart and things with, like if you do plant medicine or you're an astrologer, like things with pure intentions, you know, like art, like healing, like these things abundance, we don't call it money, we call it abundance. So maybe I'm capable of creating more abundance now than I did when I was a victim of these people, even the Hollywood system, because I don't doubt that the managers and everyone else was involved in the trafficking that I survived as an actress as well.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you think about just kind of the system that has just kind of been, I mean, me too was what, 10, less 10 years ago? Not even, it was just, it's a very recent phenomenon. And you think about what needed to go in to kind of support that type of like systemic abuse that was going on to for so many people. And only the ones we've heard about, there's obviously hundreds, if not thousands of more, it's wild to think about what, do you have any thoughts about where this kind of almost malevolent energy comes from, right? Not specifically just in your family, but just in general, kind of like where this desire to control through money or where this like jealousy comes?

Yeah. It has to do with, I mean, look, look, you just mentioned the #MeToo movement. (speaks in foreign language) I'm so many dogs, okay. So I have a lot to say about the #MeToo movement.

Yeah.

And I'm totally defamed and discredited during that time, because my family was trying to cover up that there are the ones that put Weinstein in my life.

Right.

And they were bugging me and defaming me and trying to make me look crazy. And I'm gonna sue Ursula McFarland, because the truth is, given to testify, I would put my mother in jail. So I would just say this much, even as much as I was defamed during that time, it doesn't take it genius to figure out that something was terribly wrong with my situation. And I went to a journalist long before the #MeToo movement. I went to a journalist after the second time Weinstein raped me in my mother's home in Tribeca and I got fired from boardwalk empire. I got blackmailed into making Nurse 3D and I got hit by a truck.

That was a hit on my life. No doubt I'd leave by Weinstein and my mother. I spent two and a half years in the hospital. I recuperated, et cetera. I write about it in my memoir. What I will say about the women in the #MeToo movement and what I hope by surviving the things I have is that you cannot trust these women who say they are activists and saints. Yeah. They are not. They are obsessed with money. They're obsessed with narcissism and putting on, they don't have any talent. I mean, you chose to interview me because you like my paintings. No matter what I've been through, no one could ever accuse me of being a bad actress or a bad artist.

Yeah. Yeah. Those women, yes. And those women acted really desperate with me. And I will just say that jealousy and why I don't even live in LA. And I don't even know if I want to, even if I see my justice. Is there such a level of desperation against actresses, against, it's just not even funny. Once in a blue moon, a talented person is born. I was best friends with Jack Nicholson. He's still one of my closest friends. He's quite old. He always said, "Pass your true artist." That's different than being someone that wants to act to be famous, that wants money. Or what I think is worse than all of that, like my mother or I can name other names, a lot of the people in the Me Too movement.

Are these people that want to say I'm an activist? Just for attention, that's not real activism. And nor is it Mr. Lee. Yeah. And what I couldn't believe is that people would say, "Oh, she doesn't have any female friends. "Pass doesn't, you know, it's a lie. "I have very close female friends, "all of whom are healers, like profound healers." Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's-- They don't want to be famous. They have children. Yeah, it's a different thing to, well, you know, like you said, being an artist is fundamentally different than wanting to be famous, right? There's a natural, inborn desire or need for certain people to create art, regardless of whether there's attention, money, fame, even outward trappings of success.

There are some people who just have to create to survive and express themselves. That you can see can be fundamentally at odds with the business of entertainment and, you know, creating things that make people money because people watch and consume them. So I think that's a clear distinction. And you're right, you know, there is kind of that Venn diagram that overlaps at times where those people do get successful and famous in a Hollywood system or something like that. But I don't think that's always the case. And then going back to what you were saying about the activism thing, this is a really important energetic thing I'd like to delve into because I think we see this happen a lot across a lot of different movements where the people who surround the movement, like the activists, so to speak, they're not really there for the same reasons as the victims or people who have, you know, really made it their mission to kind of bring this to light.

A lot of times those people are there to kind of just build an identity for themselves or maybe for money or maybe for attention. And that is something I see more and more of as we see more movements related to activism. I mean, you can even see it on social media. It's that this desire to build an identity of an activist is almost a job now. Like that's-- - Yeah, yeah. I'm convinced that my mother sold me to Harvey Weinstein to get money from the Democratic Party.

Geez, explain that.

Well, Harvey gave a lot of money to the Democratic Party. And he was my neighbor in Tribeca. His obsession with me started as a little girl. You can Google it. My first film was the "Siderhouse Rules." It's not a coincidence. I met him on set. My mother was always jealous of me. Her cover-up is that she works for a woman's rights in the United Nations. I remember Jane Fonda being at her 50th birthday. Jane was so rude to me. She goes, "Jack won't protect you." Jack Nicholson. Jack was the only one that protected me. Jack was the one who the day after he met me moved me into his house on Mulholland because he knew I wasn't safe.

My mother is a pimp. And those people, and I was crucified for just being, like Jane is an offspring of some Hollywood family. Like these people are not, I don't like Jane. I can say a million things white, but I don't think those women love women. The women that I appreciate. And I think that's an interesting thing to cover. Are women from a different generation like Rita Hayworth or Marilyn Monroe? Imagine had Marilyn Monroe survived?

Yeah, I mean, it's--

Or Rita Hayworth. So I always think everything's spiritual. And you have a spiritual podcast. So when people talk about Alzheimer's, for example, like Rita Hayworth got Alzheimer's. I'm working in the moment on developing a movie about her life. I have some very close friends that suffer from this illness. I think it's the evil eye. That woman, oh gosh darn it beautiful. People hated her, you know? And what is the real feminist? I certainly don't think a woman. Like, I can say some things that I'm not sure you want me to say right now.

I will please feel free. I mean, I don't want you to get in trouble, but feel free to say whatever you want.

I will get in trouble because I'm suing everyone and no one can sue me.

Yeah, I would love to hear your thoughts, yeah.

I will say, first and foremost, I never slept with a man to get ahead. End of story. Was I raped? Yes. When Jane Fonda made me read her memoir, I felt embarrassed for her. She spoke about every director that she had to be with to be in a movie role, then felt exploited by and then spoke about all these rich men she slept with. I have never looked to a man to get anything in my life. I've been pursued by men. I have been pursued by men. What I'm saying is I think there needs, not just Jane, but there's other women. There happens to be a type of women, maybe from the years of the 50s, right? That has been totally neglected, that if things survived what they did, which I believe I'm safe to say I have now, to tell my story, that's real feminism.

Yeah.

Like I don't, like I care about real victims, incest is a horrible thing. Women, mothers not protecting their children is a horrible thing.

Yeah, I mean, you look at kind of these situations where, you know, activism is kind of like it centers around and, you know, Jane Fonda is traditionally held up as like, you know, the ultimate feminist, the woman of in charge, but you're right, she did come from a different time where that meant a very different thing and some of the darker kind of aspects of reality. When you're talking about things like incest or sex trafficking or, you know, just truly horrible things, like, those don't really get as much attention because people don't wanna look at that because it reminds them that these things do happen in the world, but then if you're not paying attention or honoring the people who are sharing their stories related to that, how do you prevent it from happening in the future?

How do you prevent it from continuing to snowball into something where eventually it just kind of blows up and more people have to deal with it? And, you know, I think that's, it's very honorable that you continue to kind of speak about it, but also use it as a vehicle to kind of transmute not only your own suffering, but like what you're saying, for other people too, I'd be curious, like, can you talk a little bit about what the crying angels represent to you in your art? 'Cause I know that's a major theme of yours.

Yeah, I never received any love in my life. I gave out a lot of love, but my parents certainly didn't love me. And I remember the first crying angel I painted was a painting, a portrait of me and my father, and it, you know, trauma takes a long time to process. It wasn't even until I did the Iboga that I realized that my dad was doing to me. And I made this painting that's in the Rukowski show, and I painted the first crying angel. And then I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I had to just keep painting it again and again and again and again. And they kept putting me in, like, psychiatric wards to silence me, but I think a true artist is a true artist.

And I gave an interview on Spanish television. I said, "You can take away my pencils, "you can take away everything, but I won't stop making art." Even in those places, I used to even, like, so zombied out on the medication they used to give me. If I could just draw one thing, it was a crying angel, you know?

It's almost like that, yeah, go ahead.

Now that I'm safe and healed, I put them in all of my paintings, and I also hope that my story really helps people because, yes, no one can imagine that people would go to such obscene lengths to cover up their crimes. Nobody would imagine that a woman would say, "I work for women's rights in underdeveloped countries." Meanwhile, I'm pimping my daughter out to all these men or I'm gonna have Jane Fonda at my birthday party who's gonna be equally mean to my daughter. Because why, it took me so long until, like, a real girlfriend had found me to realize that I didn't deserve any of that abuse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because for so long, I thought, oh, well, what did I do wrong? And no, when you're used to abuse, you can, your victim, and it was women that exploited me in the end. I expect bad men to be bad men. My father never pretended to be a good man. Weinstein did not pretend to be a good man, but these women I'm more angry at. Jane pretends to be a good woman. Why isn't she defending my justice? This woman, when I have photographs of my father's bruises all over my body, I have sent her, it's not like I'm passive aggressive about this, I have spoken to her son directly. I've said, Troy, your mom is a feminist.

Look at these bruises. Your mom isn't defending me, why? Because you were in love with me, and like, this is not right. I didn't deserve that, and I am more angry at the women. If there's any anger I hold, it's against women who pretend to be good, because those men, my father, literally, if my father was not Spanish royalty, he would be in jail a long time ago. He walked down the street, he's drunk all the time, he kicks dogs, like there's no reason. He's not in prison, except he has this title, you know? And then what I'm angry about is women, and then the fact that my mother put on this whole persona that she did this kind of work, when it's a fact, I can show you the records.

I never saw my earnings, I was extraficked. I can send you my SAG history report. I used to make like $60,000 per residual, it all went to my mother.

Yeah, it's very interesting what you say, 'cause it gets to something that I hear. We don't really hear about it a lot, even in like the spiritual world, or when we're talking about kind of mysticism, which is this feminine energy that when it turns destructive, right? There's two aspects of feminine energy in a mystical sense, right? There's the creator and the destroyer, right? The creator, we know we can interpret as kind of like mother Mary, and the destroyer, if you know like in Hinduism, there's the goddess Kali, she's like this demon looking blue with a scary tongue and a dagger and a necklace full of human heads, and that represents kind of this destructive aspect of feminine energy, and both are necessary.

It's not one is good and one is bad, it's not the creator is good and the destructive is bad, but there is this kind of competition that can emerge between those two energies, and what you're talking about is kind of the betrayal where we think of feminine mother energy as supposed to be protection and protective, and making you feel safe, and there's such a big part of your story where that just doesn't exist, and it does also sound generational, like you mentioned even in previous generations, this happened, a daughter betraying a mother, people in the family betraying other brilliant women, and so this seems to be a very key element of your story, and it's certainly worth, I think, examining for yourself and just in the context of your life, what this means and what you can do to kind of transmute that, because we don't hear about that a lot.

I think because patriarchal society has dominated for so long, people tend to think, well, everything about the feminine coming back is wonderful, and everything about feminine energy is fantastic, but there are some darker elements of it, and you've come kind of face-to-face with that. Do you have any kind of inclinations or ideas about how to heal some of that kind of feminine against feminine energy?

Well, regarding these awful women, I had to run away, and I filed for orders of protection against them, literally, thought lawyers, and then when that didn't serve me, I just ran away because they wouldn't leave me alone, which was really crazy. They should have left me alone, they would have saved themselves a lot of trouble, but I would say on a lower level, just a girl that might have a mother that's envious of her, no, it's a horrible feeling being born into the world. I am only ever dreamt of being a mother. My mother also made me lose two children. That was so painful for me. I, she wanted to erase me and anyone that would tell my story.

So I personally don't believe in abortion. I would say the best thing is it's so hurtful to have a mother that doesn't love you, that is jealous of you, that wants to see you fail, if not worse. So I would say for any victim of that, to know your love, to find your healing and strength, me personally, I found it through Jesus. As strange as it sounds, my therapist before my therapist now used to have him just holds a teddy bear. That helps, you know, because actually they say when you hold a bear, the same feelings that a loving mother sends to their child when they're born, gets transmuted, it's actually a scientifically proven thing.

So I would say get a teddy bear, go somewhere safe and begin your life anew. It's not your fault. There are so many orphans, we're called orphans, right? Orphans in this world, it's not anything to be ashamed of. And I think it's worse to be bad parents to have a child and try to control their lives and keep them in your life than these evil parents that put their kids in orphanages. Had my parents just disposed of me in an orphanage? I'm sure all of that suffering would have been done a long time ago. They literally wouldn't leave me alone. So I think, run away, get a teddy bear, read a Bible, adopted animal.

I love this advice. You mentioned at the beginning, you know, your life in a lot of ways is kind of like a fairy tale. Not all fairy tales, but many fairy tales have happy endings. And they also kind of have a moral at the end of the story. What do you envision for yourself kind of being a happy ending if possible to your story in this life? And also, what do you think the moral of the story is thus far?

Wow, that's an interesting question. As I work on my memoir, it's funny because there is a guy I'm in love with, but time will tell. I think if anything, the moral of my story, and I even had a philosopher Bernard Levee, Henry Bernard Levee say that my purity is indestructible. I think a real princess has that, right? So you see in these fairy tales prints, you know, I never followed money. I followed pure things, animals, art, spirituality. And I'm happy now. So I would say to follow love, to follow the light, to follow God, and however you find God, the moral of the story is good winds. I don't think those people are happy, even if they have my stolen money, even if they did all those bad things, I certainly know they're not happy.

Yeah.

And I don't even want to think about them anymore. I live on a beautiful farm. I have a peacock outside my door. I have three dogs. I have art supplies. I have been very brave in my life. I think being brave is important. I have friends that care about me. I have focused my time and energy on helping people as much as I can. And if I ever saw my justice in the court system, but if it's through my art, it's through my art somehow, when I hear people look at a painting of mine, they say, "Oh, that's healing for me." That helps me. So I used to run away to ashrams. Every time my family would try to commit me to psychiatric wards, I ran away to ashrams, one in San Jose, California.

And I remember a teacher in mine when saying heal and help others. So I don't know if that's the moral, heal and help others.

I can definitely sense that that's a big part of kind of your story and your journey. And I will say just in how I discovered you through your art, there is kind of a purity and a lightness that shines through. And it certainly does feel indestructible. So I think the fact that you know that and can remember and even communicate that is incredibly important. And obviously it's difficult to go through as many traumatic things as you've gone through and not be kind of jaded on some level from it. But I can see the internal kind of like clashing of you knowing that you are healing and capable of being a vessel for healing for other people, but still processing some pretty dark stuff.

And so I sense that you are kind of winning that battle in a lot of ways, even if it doesn't always feel like that to you, I can sense it intuitively. So that's pretty awesome.

I'm happy I never took my own life 'cause that's what they want me to do. And oh my God, I'll try. So I'm happy I'm alive, I'm safe. And I do hope that somehow I can, 'cause I love women, you know, I really do. And I love seeing a lot of the people responding to my art are women that I can create a new safe place for a new kind of femininity, you know, like a real femininity, like, you know, not about ego. Like I said, I don't like any of the women in the Me Too movement. The only woman I like in the Me Too movement is Carrie Otis and she does Igogo plant medicine. So I will say that there is a higher evolved type of being on the planet.

And thank God that God put everything on planet Earth that we need to survive. Igogo is the strongest plant medicine. Had I not taken that, I'd be dead. Can you imagine it recalibrated my brain from traumas that I have not mentioned in this podcast that you'll only read about in my memoir? I'm a fucking miracle. And now I'm here on a farm. I have a lot of men interested in me that I'm not necessarily interested in 'cause I'm very kind of like a nerd. I don't know. I care about my art. I'd like to help people. I want a child that they can't hurt, you know, and no one can hurt me anymore. And, but I would like, you know, I think about those women from the 50s.

Like, what if Monroe had taken it over? Right, right. I mean, can you imagine if these things were around back then what was going on? I mean, it also probably would have been very traumatic for a lot of people just because the systems that were in place were in full swing back then and just having to come face to face with that through some type of plant medicine may have been overwhelming for people, right? And kind of like right time, right place for a lot of this stuff, but total.

I would just say for any victim, especially 'cause I get messages all the time from people saying, like, oh my God, I know this girl or this guy and their families has put them in some place to quiet them and is dragging them. I'd say, refuse the pills. Get out, run away, you know? You know, my therapist before my one now, he used to say, run away, even though he didn't think I was an alcoholic, he would say, go to an AA meeting just to find a safe place. And he would refer to everything as animals. I remember for so long, he would say, play dead and I would see possums everywhere. They were not my enemies.

And now I look outside my window, I'll show you. This beautiful creature.

Kamilita comes to Noah. I rescued, well, I have three horses. I rescued, oh wait, this is Ralph.

Mm-hmm.

Kamilita, oh there she is. Look how beautiful.

Oh, amazing.

So these animals teach me so much, like I just study animals, really. I don't, this one's cute. Marry. - Marry.

Well, adorable, this is so sweet.

Right, New York, right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm in upstate New York, yeah, Hudson Valley.

Well, at least you're in the country.

Yes, yes, yes, definitely in the country. Lived in the city for eight years, then moved up here and it's been no turn and back, it's amazing.

And you're a musician too?

I am a musician, yeah, I've been doing that for 25 years at this point, it's kind of crazy. But yeah, I mean, I've always been kind of--

I'm the only great musician. (laughing)

I'm sure that has been an interesting journey only dating musicians, you know, where new.

Well, I'm an interesting boy. I was with Scott Weiland from the Stone Temple pilot.

Yeah.

Wow. - Wow.

I don't know, well, I did only, I love singing. I would love to re-enter my career as a singer.

Totally, I mean, you know, I'm a big advocate for pursuing any creative endeavor that people feel called to. I don't think it's ever too early or too late to do that. I think it's just one of the best ways of getting in touch with who we are as people. 'Cause there's nearly no rules when it comes to that. The irony being, of course, that, you know, so many of the creative fields are dominated by systems that are the opposite of expression and creativity.

I think the way for us to thrive, even in the underbelly of that world, like, I will say that like, like, and even when you read my chart the other day, you're like, as long as you invest your energy into these artistic things, you'll be okay, right?

Yes. - Yes.

So it's something that I get frustrated and I'm like, these lawyers didn't do anything. And lawyers only care about money. So anytime I hire lawyers, my family pays off my lawyers with my stolen money to cover up both sides. But what I can rely on is my art.

Yes.

This is good and this is pure and it's pure energy. Like, just what you're talking about, it's pure energy. So when we, when you as an artist, if we wanna help other victims of corruption, let's call it, let's tell them to invest their energy into drawing, singing, acting, but hopefully, acting with integrity, right?

Yeah, I mean, that is to me where we're headed. I just think the road to get there is probably not a straight line. But I think we're in the middle of a pretty big transitional point with society at large and culture at large, but it's gonna be kind of a wild rocky ride to get there. But that has been my kind of premonition for a decade plus. And I think we're slowly getting there, but it is definitely not as quick as many of us would like.

What, like the 70s? That would be cool though.

Yeah, I think we're getting to a point where we're collectives of individuals and people who share the same values and really have a reverence for arts and creativity. And also recognize there is some level of material success. People need to kind of exist in the systems that are alive and kicking now. I think we're seeing that. I've had a vision for this for quite some time. And I think it's coming together. I feel that it's coming together, but it just, you know, it takes time. We're dealing with systems that have been in place for millennia at this point. And just because those cars have run out of gas doesn't mean that they come to a complete stop right away.

So I think that's kind of where we are.

I would just say, in my own defense, and you can read the Spanish news, I've exposed the Spanish royal family. The press takes my side because the evidence is clear. That's actually historical.

Yeah.

I would totally defame during the MeToo movement, right? But I do think the MeToo movement did some good, right? In some aspects, though my case was, oh wait, my phone.

My case was totally, you know, not, was overshadowed because the people that put Weinstein were in my family. But the French press, if you Google it, 20 minutes friends, Abhisse News, Spain, have all taken my side against my sexual abuse allegations against my family. Why do they take my side? Because the evidence is clear. Clinton's Diana was murdered in the process of exposing the British royal family. I escaped many attempts on my life. So the fact that I actually have successfully exposed them in the media, whether or not they put them in jail or not, is actually a lot of advance.

Yeah, that's a huge thing. And, you know, as I mentioned before, people who know their European history, Spanish and Spanish royalty events. (laughs) They have some infamous characters and events throughout the history. So it's interesting to see it kind of coalesce in what you described as these kind of like, you know, female stars or visionaries in your family. It's always interesting that it kind of comes from within. It usually seems to when those kind of karmic seeds are sowed fully. So, you know, I'm sorry you had to go through so much kind of upheaval and trauma in your life, but I'm glad that it turned you into the person that you are and are still becoming because, you know, we got to connect and you get to share kind of your art and your creativity and your light with people, which I think is-

When you're on your podcast air, I'd like to send you like a photo.

Yeah, yeah, I'll probably put this out in a couple of days. So-

I think I sent you like a high resolution.

Yeah, of course. Send it to me today or tomorrow.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yes.

'Cause I look at the cute little puppy-

I mean, please do send me as many photos as you want. I can include them. Before we go though, I'd love to ask you three questions for the end that I ask every guest. What is your favorite color?

Oh my God, I don't know why I just saw the pink.

Okay, pink it is. What's your favorite number?

Three.

All right, and what's your favorite animal?

Oh, Mr. Little One.

Aw, I love it. And then last question, what's a practical tip that you could share with people listening that's helped you in your life? This could be anything.

Well, it sounds really fiche, let go like God.

I love it, amazing. Paz, thank you so much for doing this. It was great connecting with you. I'm sure we'll connect in the future. Yeah, send me a photo and I'll let you know when this is out.

Thank you, Noah, really lovely talking with you. I hope we enlighten people now.

I think people will get a lot out of this. This has been a really illuminating episode for me and I'm sure my audience will enjoy it. So I appreciate you sharing and taking the time to do this.

Okay, I'll send you like a cute picture of me with like my animals.

Awesome, please do. That sounds great.

Thank you, good boy. (upbeat music) ♪ I don't know where you're coming from ♪ ♪ I tell the world you seem to change ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world you seem to change ♪ ♪ What's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ What's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ What's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ ♪ I tell the world what's wrong with your love ♪ (upbeat music)

Hope you enjoyed that episode. Go check out Paz wherever the links are in the show notes here. You can find her. Her art is phenomenal. She's been doing exhibits. The last one I believe was in Paris. Yeah, lots of cool stuff. If you wanna get a reading, tarot or astrology, syncpodcast.com/energy. Also send me an email, Noah@syncpodcast.com. All of the good stuff is there. That's all I got. I will see you next week or the following week, probably next week with another episode. Reminder, the Patreon is rocking. We do readings every single week, live streams, every single month, Mystic of the Month, which is a feature on a Mystic every single month.

We're doing a lot of fun stuff over there. So you can check that out if you want. That is patreon.com/synchronicity. You know the drill. Alrighty, bye-bye.

You wanna get your backyard summer ready, but you don't wanna break the bank? Wayfair gets it. Planning on dining alfresco or relaxing poolside. Wayfair has everything you need to prep your space. Shop now and save up to 70% off during Wayfair's 4th of July clearance. Score huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs and more. We're talking thousands of products for every style and budget. Plus surprise flash deals July 6th. Don't wait! Shop Wayfair's 4th of July clearance now through July 6th at Wayfair.com. ♪ Wayfair every style every home ♪ The grill is shot. The chairs are held together by optimism.

And what happened to the rug? Sounds like your outdoor setup is not ready for patio season. Fix it all with Wayfair. Shop Wayfair for grills, rugs, furniture, and more. With 20 million five-star reviews, room of choice delivery, and expert setup on qualifying orders, it's never been easier to do more for less. Get 10% off your first eligible purchase. Hurry to Wayfair.com or download the app now. ♪ Wayfair every style every home ♪